RomanceClass.com Forums Romance Breaking Up Am I in a Desperate Situation Now?

I completely agree with PDM. You need to do what is right for you. However, I can say that if I were in this situation, I would no longer contact him, I would not keep up hope for a reconciliation (because why wait when I have my whole life ahead of me), and I would move on a stronger woman. Of course, this is what I would do... you have to make your own choice.

i think he already found someone new. Guys are like that, they blame you for things you did not do, they became fault finders when in the beginning those were the things he liked about you, they get irritated easily and they put the blame on you saying you are quarrelsome when in fact they are the guilty ones. It's just a cover up, he's defensive. Sorry i can't say there's still a chance but who knows, maybe he'll have a change of heart. Everything's possible. Maybe a box of donuts will do, or a surprise pizza delivery. Guys love it when you pamper them. Guys who are not insensitive.

Welcome marilu_bu2.

Yes, as marilu_bu2 & Four Keets say, it has to be your own decision, and you might one day have a wonderful reconciliation, but you might also be better off seeking love elsewhere ~ for both of your sakes.

Whatever you choose to do, CrystalHeart, I hope that it works out well for you.

Thanks so much for everyone first. And this is the letter he gave me 2 weeks before breaking up; while he told the others that this breaking up thing is sth. has been waiting for long to happen. I used to trust him so much. And when I went to that island where he works, i asked him about this letter, but he told me he meant it when he wrote it. And his eyes turn red also, saying "I still like you very very much." Here is the letter: "You cannot possibly imagine it. You cannot possibly imagine, what difference you have done to my life. I honestly don’t think you know, but you, and you alone have changed everything about me, about what I think and how I act. I have told you before, and it is still true, when I think about my life, the dividing point is when I meet you. For me, there is life before I meat you and after. You are the single most important person in my life, and everything I do, I do with you in mind, thinking about how it will affect you, what you will say about it. My love for you is that strong. Whatever happens, whatever the future brings nobody knows. But what I do know is, that I will always always always love you and nothing will ever change that, and that a smile from you will make my heart smile for the rest of the day. I love you sugar, only you and always you, I am sorry if I don’t say it somuch, but that is truly how I feel."

This letter is also sth. that motivates me to spend all my savings to fly there to save up. However, as I told you, he screamed and drove me away in 2 days.
He also wrote to my other friends before that his life is 2 parts since he met me, thats also why I really believe his words. He is the shy type, and very sensative. He thinks a lot, but it now seems that I never know what he actually thinks. For example, when I was studying in Sweden last year, he payed all my expense for staying there. I always think this is his way of showing love, but now I know he told people that he just accepted his responsibility of bringing me to Sweden. He told people that we argued a lot in China, but he still hoped that I will change and things will work out between us. But it just doesnt work out. However, he never talked with me about it. And I never even know that he started to think about our relatio so seriously long ago. I am so stupid.

I have to admit to u guys here I was too immature and childish before. When I met him, he was 28, and I was 22. I grow up in China and live on campus almost for 22 years, coz my mom is a teacher, and my parents living place in just on campus. I grow up in that environment and myself became a university teacher at 21. (I went to school very early).
Anyways, my point is, even comparing with lots of Chinese, I am sort of too innocent and naive; while he is much more mature than me. He traveled more than 38 countries, and he is 6 year older than me. When he went to my university and became my co-worker and then we fall in love, I always think it's like a fairytale. He exactly satisfies all my fantacy of a prince of charming. I was so lost all of a sudden. I could not believe it's true. I love him so much that i always always worry that he will leave me one day. Thus, I behave more and more abnormal. Sometimes, he gave me less attention, I immediately connect is with his love. And I scream, shout. I once throw away all his stuff outside and asked him to get out; and I once shouted and cried to him in front of a supermarket in Sweden; Now when i think back, I regretted so much that why i have to do that. When i did it, I just want to see whether he will leave me this time. He cried so much when I shouted in front of everyone. He told me that the Swedish may think he is maltreating me or sth. that they may call the police. And even that time, he did not leave me. He still forgave me. And Chrismas, we argued again, and I left with my suitcase, and he told me if I leave, then we will really over. But again, to test his love, I jumped on the train, even though I was so nervous that i will lose him for real this time. However, he still called me finally and forgave me again, and picked me up by car. He told me that if any person from Scandinavia culture knows how he treats me, they will think he is mentally sick. And that's his love to me. He doubts that there are any person in this world will love another person like he does to me.
I hate myself so much. I am a kind, loving, and smiling person to everyone, and all my friends, teachers in Sweden and in his family likes me. But I really really dont know why I behave so extremely in front of him. I really hate myself so much. I love him too much. Sometimes, when I go to sleep, I worry that i will die for some reason during sleep, and by thinking about he will be the only one in this harsh world, I cried out of head.
I love him that much that I could not see him as a white Western guy, but only him. That unique stubborn and weried person in my life. I dont care he has money or not. I tried so hard to find job in Sweden, and I even want to take any xxxxx job I wouldn't even thought about in China, just becasue I dont want him to pay for me anymore. I want him to use his money to have fun.
We joked before. If he has 10 krone, and he will use 5 to pay tax, and give me 4, and have one only by himself.
Now I have finally found a job in Sweden. And finally grow up, but he choose to leave now. How can I forgot him. There are memories all over China, Europe, coz we have been travling a lot in China, and Europe. He told me he wanted to bring me to all the places he has been to. Where should I go? I feel I am such a shallow empty body now without knowing where my heart is now.
And that's the reason why It's really really hard for me to just give him up. He did too much for me before, and I don't even have chance to repay his love back:(

About the idear that whether there is a third party involved, I asked him before. And here is his reply: "The harsh truth. I am very tempted not to tell you the truth. Because if I lie to you and tell you that I have a relation with another girl, maybe you will finally understand that we have broken up. But I want to be honest with you, and tell you the truth, I am not in a relation with any other girl. But at the same time, you must understand that we have broken up. I don’t want to be harsh on you, but you are still acting exactly like before. You say you have changed, that you have learned, that you are different, but you still act in the same way, when you want something. You keep pushing and pushing and pushing until you get your way. ***, I cannot be pushed. I will be straight forward with you, and tell you that I will not get back together with you, no matter how many times you write me to try and change my mind. Listen to me, for once, listen to me instead of just pushing for what you want. My opinion matters. You cannot push somebody to love you and be your boyfriend, when I break up with you, you have to accept that you cannot force me to come back in one way or another. You have to accept my opinion even if you don’t agree. You have never been able to do that, and it seems you still don’t. If you really want to show me that you have changed then accept my decision to break up, instead of just ignoring my opinion and keep on asking me to change it. I am really so sorry to talk so directly to you, but you must understand that we are over and that will never ever change. I am not Chinese, I am not a girl, and I am not just playing a big drama because I want some confirmation of your love or something like that. What I tell you is exactly what I mean.You must accept it and get on with your life."

I think that I understand now ~ he is trying to protect himself from the extreme behaviour that he perceives in you and had to put a distance between you before he was able to do it.

Maybe you should try to get some counselling, to help you deal with your emotions, and those of others. If you did that and told him that you really could change because of it ... well, who knows?

I agree that counselling is probably the best idea in this situation. Actually listen to what he is saying and help yourself out. Don't spend all of your money trying to visit him; be inside of yourself and figure out who you are and what you want to be... if you aren't strong on your own, you will be miserable whether you are in a relationship or not.

PDM, Four Keets, thanks for your advices again. Yes, I am talking with a student healthy advicer now in my university and telling him about it. I go there once a week now.
And actually, apart from behaving abnormally and extremely in front of him, I am the type can befriend with almost everyone. I am told by people of various nationalities that I am a sweet girl. My point is, I never mean ill to anyone, let alone him. I just really love him in a wrong way.
Anyways, it's too late now. Even though I am doing the consulting, and trying to change. I already changed a lot. I am working and studying at the same time now, and I manage it very well. Even though I am a Chinese girl, I can actually support myself now living in Sweden and Danmark.
It's very tiring of course. But if it's not like this, I would never known how much he did for me before. I dont know how to describe the change. It's just sth. happens in my mind. The way I think and I learn things are very different from before now. However, he is so far away from me, and we do not even contact each other now. How can he ever know whether I changed or not?????
Another thing he keeps on telling me is that he doesnt love me anymore, and he will never love me again. He said even if I change, it's good for me, but it's not important and doesn't matter for him anymore. Does it mean that no matter what i do, nothing can help anymore????