kelsey--first let me just say that is SO horrible--i'm so sorry you had to go through that. what a horrible thing to have to deal with, and fr you, it's still pretty recent--only a few years ago. its never too late to say something--tell your mom, or your dad, or a therapist. they may not be able to stop it from happening, as it was in the past, but its somebody to talk to.
now, blood of raven--kelsey is right--you should love yourself for who you are, and be proud of yourself for what you have accomplished.
first you say you're 'emo'--well, you're only really emo if you accept that as a lifestyle/way of dressing, or if you accept the label the society put on you. so if you don't like it, change it! someone is not born emo--it's not an affliction lol it's a choice, and certainly nothing to be ashamed of
then, you say you're psychotic and cold--i doubt both, actually. i bet that these are both just inaccurate ways of perceiving yourself that have nothing to do with reality. learn to love yourself--its corny, but it makes all the difference!
next, you say you have breakdowns. if its really that serious, i going to have to agree with zubu that you should look into professional help. it doesn't mean there's something wrong with you--rather, it shows good judgment. this is something that you can learn to control. what makes you so upset? when do these breakdowns occur?
now the problem with your legs--feel blessed that you have legs at all. that is nothing to feel bad about yourself about. you walk around with pride!
and the you say you cut yourself--don't do that! i saw that you said you stopped, which is good, but have you ever sought help? because the bigger issue is what made you cut in the first place. like zubu said, self harm is a very serious issue--especially since you're still so young.
and also, i don't want you to quite disregard what PDM is saying because she's a parent--i don't think you're doin it on purpose, but it seems like you are regardless. now, i am only a few years older than yiu, and i'm certainly nobody's parent, but i'm ging to have to agree with PDM.
it's good that you're careful, but i just have to bring this up: if your boyfriend has emotional issues, then it can turn ou tto be dangerous to you that he's so possessive. sometimes, people who have had problems with depression have serious abandonment issues, so that he might not be willing to let you go, even if he has to hurt you. like i said before, you should be able to have guy friends without him freaking out.
also, it concerns be that your dad doesn't know about him. both of you ar still minors--at least here in the states, i don't know what it is in SA--but he IS sexually more mature than you...that's just a fact.
and it makes me uncomfortable that your dad doesn't know about him especially because you say that he wouldn't be aganst you having a boyfriend. tat should be a red flag for you--if you feel you have to keep him a secret that means there's something wrong.
this sounds like it is bordering on an unhealthy relationship, and i want you to be VERY careful...keep us posted
