Breaking Up :
Should We Break Up? :
My Parents Say ...

Parents have a TON of influence while you live with them, and some people are even strongly influenced by parents long after they are on their own. Parents try to shield their children from harm, to protect them from things they feel are hurtful and dangerous.

For better or worse, this extends to the child´s choice of mate. I´ve seen perfectly loving partners put down because they were too poor, or too dark, or played in a band, or drank beer. Parents have all sorts of ´triggers´ that make them think a particular individual is going to hurt you.

First, sit down and try to consider their objections logically. It´ll be hard, but think through if your partner really is causing you problems. It might be that you´re too blindly in love to realize he´s always putting you down, or she´s really just interested in your presents. Sometimes someone outside the relationship can see things more clearly than you can.

However, often the parents´ fears are baseless - based on a misconception, or on built in biases. If this is the case, talk to them rationally about it. Explain that you understand *why* they are concerned. Then show them why they do not need to be concerned. In the end, it is always better to be with someone who you love, and who loves you, than to be with someone who is rich/beautiful/exactly your skin color/etc. who you do not love.

If you show them that you understand their concerns, and that you are prepared to face and work through them, and also that you and your partner are fully committed to each other, they really can´t ask for more than that.

This tip was submitted by an anonymous visitor to our website.

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