http://www.wineintro.com/forum/ubbthreads.php/topics/405822/Re_I_need_some_advice#Post405822

Hello Elena

What a sad and difficult situation!
You must feel very confused and let down.

You say that he was your cyber boyfriend at first, but how long have you actually known him?
How much time have you actually spent with him?

I keep reading about people who fall in love on the Internet and, sometimes, the couple has never even met.
I think that your experience is an example of what can go wrong, when a couple do not really know each other very well.

Before people decide to marry, they need to really get to know each other and be certain that they can trust each other. It is difficult to do this when the people involved live long distances from each other and only really know each other via the Internet.

He says that he loves you, he phones you every day, he sends you money, he takes care of your needs. This sounds like a caring man ~ yet, all this time, he has been living with another woman.

Perhaps that is his reality and you are his fantasy?
Or perhaps he thinks that it is all right to have more than one partner at a time?
Did he give a reason when you confronted him?

It is interesting that he gave you access to his facebook account, when he must have known that you could find out about his partner that way.
I wonder if it was deliberate and he wanted you to know??

Does she know about you?

And his family had kept her secret from you?
Why would they do this?
How well do you know them?
How often do you see them?
Are they in Manila?

I cannot see how he can imagine that your wedding will still go ahead.
Do you still hope to marry him?
Under what circumstances would you go ahead with it?
Are you both from Manila originally?
Where were you planning to live after the wedding ~ Canada or Manila?

Relationship concerns are always painful and this is going to be particularly difficult to come to terms with because it is such an unusual set of circumstances.
Have you got friends and family to support you?

hi lisa!...
he come home last july,we shared good memories that time,we are on the same place in manila and he knows me thru my family history,he is 10 yrs older that i,he lived in canada for 30 yrs.
he wants me to settle in canada once my sponsorship is done.
his sisters and brothers was my moms student during their high school years,his mom and dad who was deceased already was my moms friends thru church activities...we have known each other via cyber for almost ayear,then we met last july whe he came to meet me in person,we shared a month together,from oct. 2009 til now he is persistent in calling me each day,sending me cards thru post,chatting with me for hrs. that makes me surprised that he has a live in partner....his eldest sister spoke to me and comforted me that my fiance loves me very much and he will be home soon to marry me.....but i have a big empty space that needs to be filled...to answer my doubts which makes me totally lost.

I see ~ so he is from Manila, and your families know each other, but you have only actually known him for a year ~ and most of that was not in person. In truth, you have only really known each other for a month. That is not very long ~ and your experience proves that people generally need longer to really get to know each other.

I can fully understand your surprise. This makes no sense to me, either.
But how does she explain the live-in partner?
Indeed, how does he explain her?
How can they still think that it is acceptable to plan your wedding in these circumstances??
I can understand that. None of this seems to make sense.
Do you have relatives who can help you to sort this out?
Can your mother help you?

I can understand that you do not feel happy to continue planning your wedding, when you find that your fiance already has a partner and that he hasn't been honest with you.

Don't be rushed into this by others, when you are clearly uncomfortable with it.

you were asking my mom to ask a help.....actually,he is manipulating my mom...he keeps on calling her to convince me not to believe to what i read instead i should be confident that he will come to marry me...

lisa....
do i need to set him free???do i need to continue what i am doing right now?????....silent war
i never confronted him anymore.....i am just keeping his sisters and brother to kee posted to all what i found out in the fb...

LISA,I INTRUSTED YOU ONE OF HIS EMAIL THAT I FOUND OUT IN HIS ACCOUNT THIS IS MY FIANCE'S EMAIL TO HIS LIVE-IN PARTNER SISTER
WHICH HE WAS ASKING TO HELP HIM TO SAVE HIS GIRL.....


Deleted by PDM because of copyright and privacy concerns.

Hello Elena.

Sorry, I had to delete that email because of copyright and privacy concerns, but I did have a quick read.

I noticed that you were mentioned, so I want to clarify, when he talks about being upset because he loves 'her', is he referring to you or the other partner?

I cannot tell you what you should do, but you do need to check out exactly what sort of relationship your fiance has with this other woman.
Are you sure that they are not just friends, or that she isn't his lodger?
Are you sure that they are lovers?

If you become certain that they are lovers, then I cannot see how a marriage would, or could, work out.
Would he expect to live with both of you?
Could you agree to that?
Could she?
Does she know about you?

It sounded as if he thought that you might have misunderstood the situation, though, so be certain of your facts and then take it from there.

Try to find out exactly what is going on in Canada. If he phones you every day, then you will have plenty of opportunities to find out the truth.

Do not accuse him of anything, simply ask for an explanation.
Good luck

thank you lisa.......
you elp me alot!..more power!!!!

I hope that you can sort everything out for the best

PDM