Hey there all,

Its been SOOO long since I posted here, most people will likely not even remember me!

Um, so my fiance and I broke up, I kicked him out, but its complicated. We still talk, sorta on msn, and he spent the weekend this past. But Im not rly into him anymore, its more like an addiction, Im just afraid to let go and be alone.

Anyhow, hi!

that is exactly what it is. you can do it on your own, you don't need a man to define you or mistreat you. you will be fine. after 23 yrs, i never thought i could do it on my own, but i can and am. so can you!

It is important to prove to yourself that you can do it on your own. It is really important to give yourself time to grieve the loss. In order to do that, you have to allow yourself to truly
feel the loss.

Some couples can become friends but it never works if you try right away. You MUST grieve the loss of the intimate relationship first.

Like anything that hurts, it is best to make a quick clean break.

Good luck and let you find yourself as a strong independent woman.

BTW--of course I remember you and I am sure there are many more here who do as well.

thanks I missed this board

Hi 428pm

Welcome back!
And of course I remember you, too.

I'm sorry that it didn't work out with your fiance, but you will know what is right for you, so I hope that things will be ok.

Take care

Im actually considering taking Gordon back....Love is about understanding and forgiveness right?

He says he will change, and will get a job, and wont touch me again, but I dont know what to do.

I dont want to be alone the rest of my life though

Hi again 428pm

Well, as I said, you will know what's right for you.

I was reading some of your comments, though:
'Im not rly into him anymore,'
'Im just afraid to ... be alone.'
'He says he ... wont touch me again'
'I dont know what to do'
'I dont want to be alone'

I can really understand you not wanting to be alone. Loneliness can lead to sadness and depression, so wanting that company is understandable, and if it is what you want and need, then you will be doing the right thing. Think about it well, though.

This comment bothers me particularly:
'He says he ... wont touch me again'

Be careful and look after yopurself

Yea, I sorta find it ridiculous to be in this situation, all things considered, I suppose I am the epitome of hypocrisy. I go to work and counsel young women about their abusive relationships, and make sure I wear long sleeves to work to cover my own bruises. Pathetic and hypocritical much?

I have a best friend who I love more than anyone else in this world, but doesnt love me back (at least not that way).

An ex hubby who is just impossible.

An ex boyfriend who I sorta love, treats me well and uses me and hurts me all at the same time.

And yet another man, who I adore, and who adores me, but he is unavailable.

And all I want is a man that is stable, dependable, loving, smart and kind. A man I can marry and spend the rest of my life with, without my entire life being about him.

Apparently thats a very tall order

I suppose it is.

And you know all the advice, because you give it out.

But you are not alone in being in such a situation, I can assure you.

Often the people who are out helping others go home and cry alone.

You will know the best thing to do for you & your little boy, if you just step back and try as hard as possible to consider the situation objectively.

Is it really worth paying for companionship with bruises?

Is it really worth handing yourself over to an abusive relationship, because your ideal man is already taken?

(Is it right for him to be with someone else if he adores you???)

Give yourself some time, before making decisions that will affect you and your son for the foreseeable future.

It's not ridiculous & you are just human

you will have a much better idea of what is right for you now. don't EVER give who you are away for anyone else and NEVER let yourself become someone's doormat, even if you are afraid to be on your own. things happen for a reason. it may be horrid now... but down the road... you will see "hey, if that hadn't happened, this great thing would never have happened!" i live by this. it may be bad but sometime (perhaps a couple of years even) you will see if that bad thing had never happened... you would have missed this GREAT thing! my becoming a grandma is proof of that theory. i believe EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON. fate may seem horrid, but you would be amazed at how much it is actually on your side if you look around you.
keep your chin up, otherwise... you may trip on your tongue. don't give up, EVER, FOR ANY REASON.

Yes, I think that you are right.

This would be a much easier process if HE was a willing party to the breakup. Now I have to go through the whole shananigans of changing my # etc etc....

I hope I dont need a restraining order, but he has decided and I quote "I dont accept you breaking up with me"

well, tough tushie sweetie, you bum has met the curb nonetheless.

Well, as we have seen, over & over again on this part of the site, it can be very difficult to accept that a relationship is over, if one doesn't want it to be.

One party may consider a relationship to have ended, and for a relationship to exist, both parties have to be in it, therefore it would, indeed, be over, but, from the other person's point of view, this may not seem right. It would, then, be difficult for that person to accept.

The point is, if you do not feel happy in this relationship, then it cannot continue, but that doesn't mean that it will be easy for him to accept, whether or not he has done anything to contribute to its failure.

It will be a difficult time ~ it's bound to be ~ but you must do what is right for you and yours.

Good luck.

That is life ... not all what we want we get.. What is good is in other people;s hands and what we do not like or see unsuitable for us is made available and we do not wish to take it. What can i say .. also i have an ex hubby and a b/f for the first time in my life who is married with kids so i have to make such a clean break as advised... i fear being lonely and do not want to be the isolated single mum in a foreign country! so what other options i have? Family say work, work and work and definitely my kid , will that be enough? what else i could do to avoid tears and loneliness?