about two months go i broke off with my b/f of 4 1/2 years for another guy becuase i thought my ex didnt love me anymore.

In the two months i was with the new guy all i could think abotu was my ex and how i now relized what a huge mistake i have made and how in my heart he is the one and i couldnt live anothr day without him with me.

to make matter worse we have a two year old together and i couldnt do the NC thing as we need to talk in regards to our daughter.

well since the begining of decemeber we have been spending alot of time together, the most time we have spent appart in the last month is 2 days and now he is working away for 3 weeks.

while together its been great no fighting , hugs kisses and even really intimate togeter.

NOW since hes been gone ( only 2 days now) he tells me he doesnt think it will work out and to stop wasting my time but still tells me he loves me and wants to be with me but itll never work...

do you think that the NC would work with him? i know we have to speak when it comes to our kid but do u think if i dont make contact any other time that this may work?


WHAT SHOULD I DO ....HELP ME.

Hello Quazaa & welcome

It sounds as if you two have a special bond, which is obvious when you are together, but, perhaps, when you are apart, your ex remembers the hurt he felt when you left him, and remembers that you have been with another man, and wonders if you will leave him again, or whether taking you back is the right thing to do.

Maybe, to ensure that it doesn't happen again and that he doesn't have to think about your other relationship, he thinks that it would be best to end the relationship.

I may be wrong, but that's how I interpret it.

If you have been getting on so well, and as you have a child together, I think that it might be worth trying to save this.

I would recommend relationship counselling.
Is that a possibility for you?

Good luck!

i completely agree with PDM
and i hope that all of this works out...
BEST WISHES for you and your daughter and the whole situation

HI there thanks guys...

i have thought about councelling but i think ill wait to bring that up when i know exactly where we stand...

ive never broken off a "serious" relationship before. but i reall do think that now ive lost him that he is the one and ive lost him forever...

i have only today stopped messaging him and only done for for info on our daughter to let him know how she is ...however since ive stopped messaging him hes make the first contact with text messages....

do you think this might be an early sign that maybe it may work out ???

There certainly seems to be mixed signals going back and forth.

I think counseling for the two of you may be the best chance of both of you being there for your daughter (whatever your relationship with each other).

Good luck.

Sometimes when a person says I love you and I want to be with you but....."it will never work". They know exactly what it is that "will never work". I believe there is something that is in his mind that he feels is standing in the way. I believe he either wants you to ask him what that is or he wants you to make the first move to eliminate the problem. You don't mention where your other boyfriend is when you are spending time with your ex. Could it be that he knows you are still hooked up with him and does not want to be someone on the "side".

I think it would be in the best interest of you and him to put it all out on the table. Tell him exactly how you feel. Ask him what he wants and if there is anything you can do to make it happen.

Sometimes it is hard to forget the hurt of breaking up and the fact that you have been with another. Make sure you understand how he feels about this before you committ to trying and that you get the counseling that PDM and Carl suggested. These kinds of feelings are complicated and you would not be the first couple that needed help getting past them. If you love each other, it can be done. The last thing you want is to be in a relationship where you both are bringing up the past mistakes without help to overcome them.

HI joandboys thanks for this post as you have read my other you know what the go is now.

in regards to the other guy who im no longer with he lives nearly 10 horus away from me now and is back with his ex and his kids ....lucky him!

we have both put on the table what he want but he keeps changing his mind and i beleive the family/friends are the issue as he keeps calling me honey etc in text messages and he HAS she MANY times that he does and will always love me....and the last two weeks we have spent together were like we were together but the second he gets back to his place where hes around the friends he changes his mind again !!!!

i am trying No contact with him unless its to do with our daughter but he keeps messaging me ....i hope that this is a sign ....

Could you go away together somewhere ~ a pleasant holiday, for you, him and your child ~ where you can really sort things out, without outside interference?

id love for that but hes a farmer and right now they are harvesting and once thats done seedig ...but i have wanted to suggest that .,...and i think i will !!!!! but thatll all be good untill we come home and hes got the family and friends in his face again ....

But, at the moment, you are not a single unit.

If you could become a unit ~ and that won't happen unless and until you two can sort yourselves out ~ others can come between you.

i will deff suggest a holiday when hes in a good frame of mind. hes got 3 weeks of straight work atm and hopefully after that he may get a few days off.PLUS his work have just made him work 5 weeks straight and now this 3 weeks hell NEED a holiday !!! only days he had off was xmas and boxing day (which he spent with me when he was meant to be going to his families) explain that to me ???

I think that you stand a good chance of making a go of this. He obviously enjoys being with you ~ plus you have his child.

well i truely do hope so ...thanks for the posts it is good talking to someone else other then family or him about it ...its great to get other peoples opinions and to know that maybe there might be a chance....fingers crossed...


mind you he keeps txting me, sometimes about our daughter others just general chit chat....so he obviously cant stop talking to me...i have not once in the past two days sent him a txt first!!!

Good luck!

well weve had a turn for the worst. the [censored] of one of his friends has xxxxxx in his ear again and he doesnt want to know me again .....i cant keep going on like this, but i deff dont want to give up !!!!He said ive got a slim chance in hell of living with him again and hes come to his sense's !!! two days ago he was talking to me fine and telling me to take care of myelf etc ....today hes being an xxxx cos this friend of his misinterperated something i had on facebook and went running to him to tell him ......so now weve fought again over what happend and hes not talking to me....:'( this is killing me SOO MUCH i jsut want us to be a family again

You cannot make him believe in you and trust you. And you cannot make him love you.

Sad, but at the same time, what would such a love be like, where you are required to be just what he wants?

All you can do is to be whom you are. If he cannot love the you that you are, then it may be better to live without him.

I know that hurts. I've been there, so I understand better than you may think.

The thing is, others can advise him, but only he can make the decisions.

It sounds as if he is easily convinced.
He trusts you when he is with you.
He trusts his family and friends when he is with them.

He needs to really sort this out for himself and make his own decisions.

But is this what you really want ~ a man who relies on other people to make his mind up for him.

I'm guessing that the worst thing for him is being reminded that you have been with another man.
When he is with you, and enjoying life with you, he can put that out of his mind.

The other thing is, what was it about him that made you think that he didn't love you in the first place.

I still recommend counselling.
Would he consider it?

i think that is the most annoying thing that he listens to who hes with at the time and not to HIMSELF!?

im going to offer to take him away for a holiday (on me) he needs a holiday and it would be goof ro us 3 to get away with no one else there to dictake to him.

i will ask about counciling to him if we get more serious ...now i think it would be pointless to ask...

i had a full time night job and he had a day job so we saw each other 30 mins each day at the "swap over" when i got up in the mornings he was gone and when i got home at night he was in bed asleep so we never saw each other so grew appart. I had this other guy in my ear and it sounded better then what i was living in ( i worked with him so saw him all the time, typical thing really) i was with him for 2 months only so really just a fling. but when we broke up he begged and begged me not to leave. i can understand his hatrid for me but hes diff when were together and hes done some things that someone who hatres someone wouldnt do so its very confusing !!!!!! theres been so many other things he could have done at times but he chose to stay with me ...so really i dont know...

Time will tell.
You may need to be patient.
Good luck!

Sending a hug your way, and if that makes him jealous, then tell him I said he needs to step up to the plate and show me he's a real man. A real man finds a way to show the one he loves that loving you is more important than what others thinks.

thanks carl thats exactly what i think but try telling that to a stubbon male!

thanks i think thats what im going to have to do. be patient with him

Live for yourself for now. I had to make a choice to move away from a on-again, off-again relationship that was better in the "friends" way than as "mates." It tore us down instead of building us up.

Once I decided, sure it was lonely. But I grew within myself, and learned to love myself.

And within a year, I met Marge. I think God knew it was time that we could appreciate each other. I hope that if there's a next life, we have earned the right to meet sooner.

Hey guys, thanks heaps for your help.

Well yesterday after only what two weeks my ex has said lets give this another try. To me the no contact worked well and very quickly so much mean he still wants to be with me. He is coming here for a week this sunday for work as hes been working away and after the week will be going away again. i cant wait to see him again..

thanks again for all your help and advice

Good luck!

Hey everyone, Thanks agai nfor your help, Just an update on how were going. Its not nearly been a month and everything is going great were still spending heaps of time together and talking daily on the phone when he is away. Im so happy thanks again

Good to hear that things are going well!!