I dated a girl for about 3 months and everything was going well but suddenly I got cold relationship feet and broke up with her for not much of a reason. 3 weeks go by before i called her again and in the meantime she started having feelings for a life long best friend of hers. It is one of her best friends and all i know is that they have kissed more than once while she was on break with me. I've been trying to get her back now for about 3-4 weeks and I know for a fact that she still likes me and tells me that she loves me but i cannot get a commitment out of her. I care for her more than i ever had and have done almost everything possible to get her back (above and beyond what the average person would do). She keeps telling me that she still needs some time like a week....so a week goes by and tells me she needs a few more days and want give me an answer. Oh, and i forgot to mention that she is going out of state with me to visit my parents this weekend. My question is...do you think that she is making me chance her? Has mixed feelings about this other guy and want commit because of that? Or maybe afraid I will change my mind again and doesn't want to commit?

I would also appreciate your advice on how to get her to possibly commit.

Please let me know your thoughts,

Confused & Confused!!

Sorry....i just realized i might have posted in the wrong forum. Forgive me I'm new!!

Welcome to the forum.
I've moved your post ~ I think that this is a better area for it.

Welcome to the forum, Rumpkinroo.

I can only give you my responses to your story.

Others may have different opinions.

You dated her for 3 months.
You got cold feet & broke up with her for no good reason.
After 3 weeks you called her wanting her to commit to you.

Three months isn't a particularly long time to be sure that this is going to be a long term relationship, involving commitment.
It may be long enough to know if you are right for each other, but it may not be.

Also, your age can come into the equation.

Really, I think that it is a bit much to break up with a girl and then expect her to come running back to you ~ and to commit to you ~ just because you have changed your mind.

Meanwhile her feelings for a close friend may have developed into romance.

Although I believe that platonic relationships can exist between boys and girls, I also think that, in many cases, one or other may have romantic feelings, which they suppress until the time is right.

This boy may have harboured romantic feelings for this girl, which only surfaced after you dropped her.
At the time she may have felt rejected ~ & she may have needed him.

It could have been a 'rebound romance', rather than a 'real romance'.

However, if the time is right, friendship can, sometimes, develop into love.

If you dropped her, you cannot just expect her to drop him, to come back to you.

You have been trying to get her back for about 4 weeks.
You seem certain that she still likes you.
She tells you that she loves you.
She is travelling with you to see your parents.

It could very well be that she still has strong feelings for you, but knows that you developed 'cold feet' before.
She may, therefore, be feeling wary.
You couldn't blame her if this were the case.

If she says that she loves you, and is visiting your parents with you, then it sounds as if she may care.

But what about the other boy?
What's happening about him?
Has their relationship ~ and his feelings ~ been taken into account?

She won't give you any promise of commitment.
She keeps saying that she needs more time.

In the circumstances, I'm not too surprised that she doesn't feel ready to commit, and that she needs time.
How does she know that you won't drop her again, if she commits ?
Isn't that what frightened you off in the first place?
And maybe she doesn't want to make the wrong decision and upset the other boy, unnecessarily, or feel that she is just using him.

Is she making you chance her?
I don't know what this means.

Does she have mixed feelings about the other boy?
Well, if he is a close friend, and the relationship developed into a 'kissing' one, then she must have some feelings, concerning him and what has happened between them. It must be a very difficult situation.

Is she afraid that you will change your mind again?
You couldn't blame her if she was.

How do you get her to commit?

You can't make someone commit.

You can try to convince her that your feelings are real, and that you won't let her down again, but you are going to have to build up trust again, which can take time.

And you may have to accept that her feelings for you have changed and that she now has feelings for someone else.

Alternatively, if she does still want a relationship with you, then you are going to have to accept that she will have to sort out her relationship with the other boy.

You need to talk this through with her ~ calmly & objectively.

And you need to be patient with her ~ it sounds as if she has been patient with you.

Good luck!

You made a mistake, and now she's hurt. It sounds like she is afraid that if she gives you another chance the same thing will happen.

You should try giving her reassurance. You have to admit that you did something wrong before she can see what you're doing right, its apparent she loves you, even though you not only broke up with her for no reason but then procceded to not call her for 3 weeks.

Sorry - i'm not trying to jump on you, but the fact that you all but broke off contact with her when you guys stopped dating and then suddenly started going after her again after she starts liking another guy is a tad sketch to me. Maybe you should just realize you made a mistake, tell her that you're sorry, and then if she doesn't come back to you let her go with this new guy. She deserves better than to have someone who 'loves' her simply do something like that.

Heh, I guess that's something I'm just really strongly against.

Erm, bud your excuse wasn't good enough to put cracks in her heart. She's holding out on you and possibly making you jealous on purpose to let you know how she was hurting when you wanted to break it off with her. If you need space, that is fine. But you shouldn't have broken it off with her, and obviously she wasn't so committed in the first place if in only about a month she was making out with her best friend. You're in deep xxxx dude, her child hood guy friend that she has known for like forever and you a guys she has only been going out for 3 months and already got dumped by. You have major sucking up to do, show her you are willing to stick with her this time and promise it as well. Oh and if she is going out of state with you, it is possibly because she does ant to make up with you or she just wants to get out of the house and explore.. Hoping with the first one!!

Candy & Crushes

P.s. Any questions or anything, message me!