ok, this may cause some controversy but I'm not sure where else to turn so here goes. I'm a married man who has been in an affair with a married woman for almost 8 years. Early on she was willing to divorce her husband to be with me and I was not ready. Now, things have changed and I'm ready to divorce my wife but she is having second thoughts due to the impact the divorces would have on our children. We do love each other, and at the same time feel we have responsibilities to our existing families so the question is....how do we proceed? Do we stay in unhappy marriages for the sake of our children or do we make ourselves happy and move on. Would love some insight on this one please!

Hello Live2Ski

Difficult one.

Certainly divorces can cause a lot of pain to families. Many children suffer emotionally as a result of them. Others, though, seem to cope well ~ it seems to depend upon how well the transition goes and how much time they can spend with their parents. Generally, though, I understand that children like to be with both parents, together, if at all possible.

What about the spouses? Are they aware that your love lies outside the matrimonial home? Are they being misled? If so, then that seems very unfair ~ though some people may prefer not to know the truth.

No-one can tell you what to do. No-one can tell you to divorce your wife and move out of the family home. You and your lover and your families will have to sort this out. It seems very sad that you have had to look for love outside of your marriage. Was there ~ is there ~ no way of salvaging the love that, presumably, you and your wife once felt for each other?

You only live once ~ so maybe you should put your happiness first ~ but if you pursue your happiness then it will probably cause sadness for others.

If you stay as you are, you are being unfaithful, which could also cause great distress when the truth is discovered.

Yes, you are in a very difficult situation. I know that people cannot help falling in or out of love, but maybe you should consider what drew you to your wife in the first place and try to rekindle it ~ maybe with the help of counselors??

Maybe you will get other views and alternative advice from other members.

Good luck to all of you

its not difficult at all. your wife doesnt deserve it and neither do your children. sorry to say but youre being selfish. get divorced and stay in the childrens lives as much as possible. with or without the other woman.

Not to be mean but i agree with DaveDave, you are being kinda selfish.....this is my thought why dont you try to work things out with your wife??? or try marriage counseling. Instead of jumping into a divorce. Because no matter how much your in your kid's life after the divorce they will always suffer from pain from the divorce, and you shouldnt be cheating on your wife....she dosent deserve it... i say man up and treat her like a women should be treated.

I also think that would be a selfish move to make and your wife doesn't deserve it at all! You can't put your kids through that type of emotional pain no matter how much ur in their lives you would still need to go to court and all that crap that your kids and wife don't deserve!