I need help.. I am in a situation where I have dated this guy for two years and deep down I love him but I dont feel it, I feel like hes my best friend, I am uninterested in having sex with him, he will never grow up. Yet this guy is very nice, we enjoy the same humor, and I love his family. We live in a small town where I feel I can never break up and I just have this heart breaking feeling hes just not for me and I dont wanna have regrets in never feeling that perfect love. Now the situation is a friend of almost two years and I have hung out - not done anything - and I am starting to fall for him hard. I cant stop thinking about him and he gives me that giddy feeling. They are polar opposites.

Logically - my boyfriend will have good career, I shouldnt leave a good family, he will be a good husband, He is a good man and doesnt drink which i love. Family loves him
- my friend has ok career, will be both good dad / husband, but drinks occassionally. Family would be less likely to accept a new face

Feelings - I dont feel like my boyfriends the one, I am bored and lonely, I feel sad, even tho I shouldnt
- my friend will make me happy and I love him,

How do I know what to do Its getting to the point where Ive actually almost considered cheating just to see - but I cant.

I want someone that makes me happy but I want certianty



please

Welcome to the forum. First of all don't cheat. That will hurt you, your boyfriend and your friend.

Can you take a break in your relationship. Are you engaged, have you made marriage plans.

Concerning your statement "my friend will make me happy and I love him"

No one can make you happy. That is totally your gig. If you are looking for someone to make you happy get a puppy, don't look to a man to do that. You can be happy WITH a man, but you are the one that makes you happy.

Do a pro/con list. List all the things about your boyfriend that you consider important and all the things you don't like. Do the same with your friend. This is an excellent way to look at both of them.

You didn't say how old you are, but it sounds like you need some time to find yourself, before you find someone else. Again, possibly you can take a break from your boyfriend. The problem with your situation is that you are romaticising how you think it "will be" with your friend; and you know how it is with your boyfriend.

IMO, one should NOT settle. If you can't stand the thought of not being with him, I think you should wait. If education and/or career can take you away from that small town for a while, it might be a good way to grow as a person and establish your own identity and comfort zone. And, and some point, you will meet someone who is both a friend and inspires passion.

You CAN have it all, IMO.

Hi navygirl

BLR & Carl make some very good points.

It sounds as if you love your current boyfriend, but are not in love with him.

Yes, if you break up it will be a big thing, but is it fair on either of you to pretend that you are in love with him, if you are not?

The people who count here are those involved ~ so, though I understand your concerns about friends & family, what they think isn't really the issue.

Be fair on your boyfriend. Don't cheat. Be honest.

Perhaps take some time out from relationships, altogether, to give yourself time & space to evaluate the situation.

I hope that it will work out well for all involved. Good luck