RomanceClass.com Forums Romance Dating PLEASE HELP! Is this me or him? Too jealous?

Hello!

I have this problem. I am engaged to the love of my life. We have been dating for about a year and we have been in love so badly from the beginning.

The only problem is, I don't trust him. When we first met, I just cam out of a 5 years relationship and wanted to have a little wild time. I tired it, I didn't like it and when I met my fiance we had sex the first night we met. I thought this wouldn't be more than sex, but already the morning after he didn't want to let me go. From then he called me and mailed me like crazy.

got my hopes up all high til we started to spend time 24-7. Cuz then, I started to notice that he sometimes got mails that made him uncomfortable. It turned out to be his ex, that he already broke up with month ago, but had sex with a week after we met. We both used to live in Japan and his ex was Japanese, so the reason he met her after we met was using her as a tourgiude for his family, as she was the only one speaking Japanese. We weren't really dating back then, so I forgave him. Even he was lying cuz he said he has absolutely no girl. Well, I had to be fair, too! I also had sex with someone else about a week after we met, cuz I as well didn't think this (us) would turn into something serious.
But it did. We started dating and are like Ying and Yang now.

So, it would be cool now, wouldn't there be my jealousy. My fiance's Japanese ex didn't accept it that he is done with her and never wants to meet her again. Even he removed her from facebook and told her to never ever contact her again, she tried to tell him that she wants to be friends with us all(me included!) and that I(!) have to chill out. We talked about all this and he stopped the contact to her and blocked her in every single possible way. Well the problem is, she still keeps friendship with his little sisters and mum. So somehow, she is always present.
Maybe that wouldn't hurt me, but for some reasons the little sisters don't want to be friends with me. They seem to be kinda jealous of me, cuz my fiance really cares for me a lot.
This all hurts me. And him not trying hard enough to get his sisters to stop the contact hurts me, too. He tired to talk to them, but they refused to listen.

And now, all these things and weirs fantasies come up! I accused him of cheating(he had to stay a bit longer in Japan than I did so he was there alone for 2 month). I can see him in my mind having sex with his ex while I was not there. My fears got worse after he came back from Japan, cuz he asked me to delete our facebook accounts. This makes me doubt him even more. Is there a friend who might tell me something?
Or am I just losing it? He said he wants to stop this internet sites and spent more time with his friends in real life. Plus he has to go trhough some background checks for work and doesnt want them to see funny pics on facebook. On the other hand, he is smart enough to know that they can get any info about him even his account is deactivated.
Or is this me again, doubting, losing it?

He has no girl friends or contact to any ex(as far as I know. he told me he wont to help me get over this)

Right now, I feel like it's ME and that I have to trust him. I don't even say anything anymore, cuz I am so scared that I start pushing him away.

He was very jealous, too, but now he trusts me and doesn't even mind when I called my ex(well, he still has to ship my cats to the U.S, so I have to talk to him sometimes. I see this as a different situation than my fiance talking to his ex. I have a reason, he doesn't)

Sorry for this long mail, but I just want to change. I want to trust. I am tired of paying for my dad's mistake. He has cheated on my mum and left us. I know that this might be the reason for my insecurity. I am very popular and have many friends. But inside I am just so insecure!

facts that might help helping me:
he did cheat on his ex. I found out cuz she told me, he told me before he never did cheat on her. I lost rust after this. Even he has been honest with me since, I doubt him.
He also has a wild past, so that makes it worse.

I know I lied as well and I am not an angel. But I have been honest and faithful to him without any difficulties...

HELP PLEASE!

It's hard when an ex has made friends with family members in any situation. This might even be awkward for him. But he can't control what his family members do. If the internet sites (facebook) seems to be an issue on your end too, then what's the problem with getting rid of them? Has he gave you any reason not to trust him besides lying about cheating on his ex? And think about WHO told you that he did. She could be lying because she is jealous of you. There's three options you have:

1. Talk to him about the issues at hand. TRUST is very important in a relationship. Especially if you're away from him for long periods of time. Put the issues out there, tell him you're insecure about his ex.

2. Call it quits. If it's gotten too much for you.

3. Don't say anything. BUT, this will eventually become a HUGE problem and probably end the relationship.


Hope this helps.

Hello Soso

I agree that you need to sort this out now. The most important facets of a relationship, in my opinion, are love and trust. You need both, I think. You have the love, but not the trust.

This is probably because of what has gone before, as you say ~ various things.

This needs to be talked out fully, I think ~ perhaps with a good, reliable relationships counselor. Would that be possible?
After all, you are engaged to be married and marriage should be forever and should begin with complete trust.

As for the sisters and the ex, I appreciate that this is very difficult, and not very helpful or supportive, but they are entitled to be friends, if they so choose.

It is your relationship with your fiance that you need to concentrate on.

Good luck!