OK....I met this guy, (we'll call him Eddie) when I was 16. He was dating my best friend, (we'll call her Shannon) at the time and I was actually there the day they met and hooked up. When I was with Shannon, Eddie was always there and over time, he became a close mutual friend....no cheating, no serious thoughts of liking him romantically or anything. Shannon starting cheating on Eddie with someone else and since we were friends as well, he would talk to me abt Shannon and I got them back together several times, but with many HS relationships, it didn't last. Shannon became jealous of Eddie and My relationship and accused us of cheating behind HER back and started all kinds of drama, leading to Shannon and I not speaking....for YEARS (it was a BAD scene).
When Shannon started the drama, Eddie and I became closer as friends and became VERY close....we were the only people that mattered to eachother as far as we were concerned (high school lol). Eddie had VERY strong feelings for me, but I didn't quite feel the same. We still hung out and even through college, we kept track of eachother. After a few years, Eddie and I decided to "mess around" one night to see if there were any stronger feelings for one another (he had it BAD for me, but I wasn't into him like THAT)...so we had our "night" together and decided that we'd just stay friends for now and promised eachother that it wouldn't get wierd (hehehe).
Through the years, I dated and was engaged a few times and he stayed, for the most part, single. But everytime I came home, you could ALWAYS find us together drinkin a beer and giggling....ALWAYS. I got married (bad decision on my part)and moved very far away. A few months after, my brother had gotten married and I came home for his big day. I never called Eddie, but thought about it....he showed up at the reception and told me that the REAL reason he came was because he knew I'd be there....and somehow, for me, everything was different. I was bashful for the first time. We seemed to laugh harder, cry longer, hug tighter, drink MORE, lol! It was like a LOVE BUTTON got pushed and I fell HARD. We were together the whole night before my flight back home. I told him that my marriage was a mistake (married only 2 months)and I needed to come back home to him...I loved him and didn't want to be anywhere else but with him. He admitted how he felt about me again and that he always loved me from the first day he saw me. He couldn't go to the airport with me, but I called him before I got on the plane and cried, told him I loved him.
My flight landed and my then-hubby picked me up. He knew I had done something. I felt bad and after a few days, I realized that it wasn't fair to anyone, what I had done. I decided to see my marriage through to the (eventual) end and then come home. Eddie and I wrote to eachother a few times and called eachother every-so-often, but when my then-hubby became suspicious, I completely (and regretably) dropped contact with Eddie. For 4 miserable years, my mother would call me every holiday and tell me that Eddie had called her to ask about me and wish tidings to my family. And on His birthday every year, I would call my mother to remind her it was Eddie's birthday and to call him.
Torwards the end of my marriage, I finally drew up enough courage to call him myself on his birthday...he was the only peace-of-mind I had throughout my nightmare of a marriage. The thought of him always made me feel better and gave me hope. He was scared to tell me that he had a son, recently born just a month prior to my call. He missed me and still felt the same, but was in a very rough-going relationship with his childs mother. I was coming home that month and asked to see him. Because of the situation, I was doubtful he would visit, but he did and it was like time had stood still since I saw him last, we picked right back up where we left off
We had 1 special "night" together. All too soon, my trip ended and I had to go back home. The next day, I moved out of my house. Two days later, I filed for divorce. We kept in touch for a couple weeks. He told me that he had to take responsibilty of his situation and he knew it wouldn't last, but he was going to see it through and when it was time, we would be together. I was so happy.....until I realized something was amiss....I was pregnant. I debated on whether or not to tell him, but I did. He told me I ruined his life. He didn't want to tell me that, but I had dragged it out of him through his silence. My heart was broken. He said he would call me later, but never did.
Over the next few months, I finished my divorce, moved back home to my parents, and lost our son. He called me after my mother had wigged out on him over his voicemail...he was sorry. We would talk every so often, maybe 3 times a year for maybe a half hour over the next year....so distant. Then the calls stopped. We somehow got ahold of eachother and started (almost) all over...not really speaking about our son. We were just friends again....until I had moved in with "Todd" and was telling Eddie how great he was and how well we got along. Eddie told me he was sorry about our son and that he would've came back around, but was in shock. Of course, I forgave him, I loved him. Eddie then asked for us to start again and try to start over as lovers....I was still wounded and was into Todd, so I said no and we stopped talking again. I still called on his birthday, but left voicemails or sent cards.
Time had past...and as expected, there was Eddie. And here Eddie still is. I've been with Todd for 4 years. Todd and I broke up last summer and I found out I was carrying twins and we reconciled. Eddie and I kept talking off and on throughout my pregnancy and still do now that they are a couple months old. Eddie and I joke about being "friends with benefits", but it's our joke. I recently have seen Eddie for the first time in 4 years...just a couple weekends ago. He is still with his Son's mother and just like Todd and I, they are on again, off again.
Even though Eddie and I speak and joke and laugh constantly, there is an aire of weirdness....he says there's not, but I feel it on my end. I'm still hopelessly in love with Eddie and have decided that I married the wrong man and WON'T do it again. I've decided that I won't marry another man but him, and if I don't marry him, then it gives me an excuse to not make the plunge again lol.
I don't understand why we keep coming back to eachother...he doesn't either. We don't speak about our feelings anymore, just have a friendship, but joke about messin around. I think about him everyday...all day. When my twins were born, I thought of him. When good things happen to me, I wish he was there with me. When something bad happens, I wish I had him to lean on. He was the only man I've ever felt this strongly about or couldn't walk away from and I don't understand why.
What do I do now??????????????
