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#388061 - 11/05/09 12:51 AM Going inside, going outside, to relieve stress
jilly Offline
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Registered: 07/07/08
Posts: 1795
Loc: beneath the rim of the Colorad...
I've found that i have two directions I can go in to relieve stress - one takes me inside myself - yoga, a hot bath, being creative, reading a book, petting my dogs, tending a garden...and one takes me into the outdoors by hiking, boating, exploring nature and so on. I consider those healthy.

Then there is the less healthy "venting of stress" kind of path - like meeting friends at a bar to blow off steam, ranting about my life on a forum or on the phone to people, watching TV. I guess for some people watching sports and playing video games also fall into this kind of venting off behavior. Not 'bad for you' stuff...but also nothing to make one grow inside, as a person, IMO.

What do other people do?
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#388079 - 11/05/09 01:28 AM Re: Going inside, going outside, to relieve stress [Re: jilly]
Lisa Shea Online   content

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Registered: 10/20/04
Posts: 5983
Loc: US
I have read many books about stress over the years - Amazon keeps sending them to me to review. In almost every study I've read, the "ranting" technique is counter productive. If you let yourself get all worked up and angry about something, and start yelling, then it teaches you to yell about things to feel better. It creates a cycle. It also teaches others around you, who model on your behavior to yell. It spreads the anger.

The books all recommend - and I believe strongly - that reducing stress needs to come from within. Stress is created by your own body, with how you choose to react to stressors. If you create a healthy body system, with a firmly grounded core, with baths, with books, with a loving family and a network of friend, then things which might stress others have less effect on you.

For example, some people get furious when they are in a traffic jam. Then then rant to friends about it and get more furious the next time. Other people are calm in a traffic jam, they listen to the radio and make the best of what they have in life.
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#388097 - 11/05/09 02:08 AM Re: Going inside, going outside, to relieve stress [Re: Lisa Shea]
tweetymom Offline
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Registered: 03/22/09
Posts: 1663
Loc: Austin, Texas
I'm not exactly sure of what I do to stay grounded, but I do know that "ranting" or Venting", even though it is said by some that it is good for you, to blow off steam, does not make me feel better. It makes me not feel good about myself, because while venting, you say things that you possibly don't mean, you might say mean things to someone that you can't take back.

IMO, the spoken word is a powerful thing. I believe that once you say a thing out loud, it puts it out in the universe. That may cause reverbrations (?) (not sure if this is the right word) like for every action there is a re-action, to put it simply. And if this is someone you care about, they might forgive you but probably never forget it!

So self control is important to me. I work on that and talk to myself about it, like, "think about that first" or OKOKOKOK!, just keep quiet dont say that don't say anything till I've thought it out sleep on it! It's hard and I can't always manage it, but it works for me.

Excersise your brain. To hone your skills to focus, to think differently, in a way that makes you feel good about yourself.
When you feel good about yourself, other people feel good about you.


Edited by tweetymom (11/05/09 02:09 AM)
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RIP precious Merlin
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#388107 - 11/05/09 02:26 AM Re: Going inside, going outside, to relieve stress [Re: tweetymom]
jilly Offline
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Registered: 07/07/08
Posts: 1795
Loc: beneath the rim of the Colorad...
I am certainly not talking about yelling, or putting down others. By venting I mean talking on and on about my poor little pathetic life situations.

It doesn't make me feel any better, true, but often leads to a helpful conversation with someone with a suggestion for me. And it helps me feel less alone. I am pretty much alone all day every day. So this is one way to feel connected to others.

Actually, a venting email I sent to my mom today resulted in her helping me out. She called my propane company to straighten something out, and called in my meds for me. These were things that were twisting me up inside and she easily made those phone calls so i would not have to get upset. So in that sense, my poor-me whining resulting in getting actual useful help.

I think what I need to learn to do for next time, is to sit down and figure out what exactly I need help with, and then figure out if someone can actually do something for me, and then ask. Instead of moaning on and on about my stress, I can try to be proactive, yes?

Tweetymom, I completely agree with you that words are power, and that what we speak of we make real in our lives.

Lisa, i really am learning to avoid getting started down the paths that trigger my stress, even if it makes me seem a bit weird. If I can replace those trigger situations with some of the healthy stress-relievers I mentioned, I think I will be on the road to feeling mentally healthy.

Good point about the traffic jam!

Tweetymom, does saying to yourself, "think about it first" come naturally yet, or is that not yet a firm habit?



Edited by jilly (11/05/09 02:57 AM)
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#388118 - 11/05/09 02:51 AM Re: Going inside, going outside, to relieve stress [Re: jilly]
tweetymom Offline
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Registered: 03/22/09
Posts: 1663
Loc: Austin, Texas
In my dreams! LOL ! Well, being human and not perfect, I would have to say not completely a firm habit yet. But a large percent of the time, I think of it when I'm faced with something that really affects me or makes me mad. One thing that helps me is I DO NOT LIKE TO BE ANGRY! I've been working on this kinds of things for a long time though, and I've found that the more time you have to yourself, the faster you can make changes in your brain. I put notes up in my house where I look frequently, like "Be Still", or "your brain takes what you say literally", or "it takes a certain amount of time to make changes in your brain, so do it in small increments".

I AM interested in others points of view on these things or opinions.
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Dinah, Tweetymom

RIP precious Merlin
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RIP Tweetylove
5/13/2010
Rest with Merlin

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#388122 - 11/05/09 03:01 AM Re: Going inside, going outside, to relieve stress [Re: tweetymom]
tweetymom Offline
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Registered: 03/22/09
Posts: 1663
Loc: Austin, Texas
I guess I should say at this point that there are some prime examples of times when I got caught up in some subject on this forum! Al you can do is keep going forward and keep working on whatever you are working on. And LOL I firmly believe that if you think you never make a mistake, something is very wrong!

And IMO, I try to see every little thing because if I don't, that one tiny little thing I missed could possibly rise up and there would go my good (hopefully) Karma! LOL
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Dinah, Tweetymom

RIP precious Merlin
7/11/1990-11/17/2009
RIP Tweetylove
5/13/2010
Rest with Merlin

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#388124 - 11/05/09 03:06 AM Re: Going inside, going outside, to relieve stress [Re: tweetymom]
Lisa Shea Online   content

Silver Star Soulmate

Registered: 10/20/04
Posts: 5983
Loc: US
Originally Posted By: tweetymom
I'm not exactly sure of what I do to stay grounded, but I do know that "ranting" or Venting", even though it is said by some that it is good for you, to blow off steam, does not make me feel better. It makes me not feel good about myself, because while venting, you say things that you possibly don't mean, you might say mean things to someone that you can't take back.

IMO, the spoken word is a powerful thing. I believe that once you say a thing out loud, it puts it out in the universe. That may cause reverbrations (?) (not sure if this is the right word) like for every action there is a re-action, to put it simply. And if this is someone you care about, they might forgive you but probably never forget it!


I agree with you completely, you put that so well! Yes the word is reverberations, that is an awesome mental image. Yes, I feel you are so right. If you yell and spew anger, then the people you are spewing at feel anger, so then they react with anger and defensiveness, and it just builds. It doesn't help anything.

It is really amazing, in talking with people, just how powerful words really are, especially ones spoken in anger. A friend of mine's husband was told - at age 6 by his father - that he was a F up and everything he touched turned to trash. This was probably a one time drunken statement by the father! Now the son is 40-ish and he STILL remembers that statement, how much it hurt, how it shaped his life. Can you imagine, that one short statement, spoken once, could have such an awesome (scary) lasting impact?

It really makes you think about the things you say.
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Lisa Shea, Owner

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#388125 - 11/05/09 03:12 AM Re: Going inside, going outside, to relieve stress [Re: jilly]
Lisa Shea Online   content

Silver Star Soulmate

Registered: 10/20/04
Posts: 5983
Loc: US
Jilly -

This is where it gets really confusing for women especially. We are often taught to just "bear the burden" and be perfect spouses. So we don't ask for help. Then we get overwhelmed and break down. That's not a good solution.

Think of the poor-me conversations as a *step in the right direction*. They are critical for you. You need help!! You deserve that help. You deserve to be asking for help. The family that you support so incredibly should be helping you out.

Sometimes it's hard to know who CAN help, so while it's a great idea to plan out who to ask to help with what, that can be challenging. So I am a proponent of the "share your situation" theory.

Instead of the emotional trauma of having to go up to one person with hat and hand and say "Oh please kind sir can I please have help with X?" - I would instead say that you set as a goal that you find a solution for X. Then in normal conversation with people you say, "By the way, I am brainstorming ways to handle X. I need some help with it. What do you think?" You never know which random person will have the PERFECT solution for you. Maybe your neighbor knows someone at the propane company! You never know until you talk.

That way you get your needs met, and you are making your needs known - but in a way that feels positive to you, rather than in a way that makes you feel helpless and needy.

It is definitely challenging to change a way of life. Our habits are deeply ingrained into us. However, it only takes a few weeks before something new becomes a new habit. It is challenging - but it's not a multi-year process. So it is well worth setting down and making an effort at!
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#388126 - 11/05/09 03:19 AM Re: Going inside, going outside, to relieve stress [Re: Lisa Shea]
tweetymom Offline
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Registered: 03/22/09
Posts: 1663
Loc: Austin, Texas
Yes it does. Another thing that I've worked on is "Choosing the Words" that you use when you are talking to someone.

The question is: do you want the person to "get" what you are saying, or do you want to just say words. It might not seem like it, but if you choose our words getting your point across, it is very gratifying. instead of just talking AT someone, where their eyes might be glazing over, and they're not really hearing your words. They are hearing your mood, or emotions, or your negative passion.

Speaking of "words", I'm not at all sure I said that right. But it is an awesome way to communicate.
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Dinah, Tweetymom

RIP precious Merlin
7/11/1990-11/17/2009
RIP Tweetylove
5/13/2010
Rest with Merlin

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#388130 - 11/05/09 03:53 AM Re: Going inside, going outside, to relieve stress [Re: tweetymom]
Lisa Shea Online   content

Silver Star Soulmate

Registered: 10/20/04
Posts: 5983
Loc: US
I understand completely what you're saying, and that is so right! And it's even more than that, it's how they feel about the words you are saying. Sometimes it is hard with cultural differences to phrase something so the recipient really listens to the meaning you're trying to convey.
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#388181 - 11/05/09 06:12 AM Re: Going inside, going outside, to relieve stress [Re: Lisa Shea]
jilly Offline
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Registered: 07/07/08
Posts: 1795
Loc: beneath the rim of the Colorad...
I like this a great deal and am thinking it though:
Quote:
Instead of the emotional trauma of having to go up to one person with hat and hand and say "Oh please kind sir can I please have help with X?" - I would instead say that you set as a goal that you find a solution for X. Then in normal conversation with people you say, "By the way, I am brainstorming ways to handle X. I need some help with it. What do you think?" You never know which random person will have the PERFECT solution for you. Maybe your neighbor knows someone at the propane company! You never know until you talk.

That way you get your needs met, and you are making your needs known - but in a way that feels positive to you, rather than in a way that makes you feel helpless and needy.


It's very true. I would feel like I was putting people on the spot if I just came out and asked for something. And it IS putting people in a bad position if they are really busy or not interested or something. So I like the idea of sharing the info, but not in a pathetic poor-me way. I will have to think on this some more.

And yes, habits do take a while to get automatic, but that's where we put forth the effort to remember.

I like Tweetymom's ideas of posting smart mental reminders!
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#388188 - 11/05/09 06:28 AM Re: Going inside, going outside, to relieve stress [Re: jilly]
Lisa Shea Online   content

Silver Star Soulmate

Registered: 10/20/04
Posts: 5983
Loc: US
Yes definitely Tweetymom really had a great idea there, the more you see reminders, the more you absorb them!
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Lisa Shea, Owner

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#389882 - 11/22/09 09:40 PM Re: Going inside, going outside, to relieve stress [Re: Lisa Shea]
jilly Offline
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Registered: 07/07/08
Posts: 1795
Loc: beneath the rim of the Colorad...
Update - I've been feeling pretty mellow the last few days, which is a big relief, since this is coming on the heels of some very bad depressed days.

I think what has made the difference has been going on regular hikes in Sedona with a friend, and phoning/texting my mother. It also helps that I now have a real solid plan for where I will be living, and that I will finally be seeing my husband again for a few months, after a really long absence.
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#390505 - 11/29/09 12:07 AM Re: Going inside, going outside, to relieve stress [Re: jilly]
jilly Offline
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Registered: 07/07/08
Posts: 1795
Loc: beneath the rim of the Colorad...
Two more days, and then I will have a regular home for a while, a garden, some space to spread out a little, and even my husband for a while! I am excited and nervous.
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#390514 - 11/29/09 01:13 AM Re: Going inside, going outside, to relieve stress [Re: jilly]
Lisa Shea Online   content

Silver Star Soulmate

Registered: 10/20/04
Posts: 5983
Loc: US
That is SO wonderful, Jilly, I am very happy for you smile Your life is entering a wonderful new stage which you richly deserve!
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#390758 - 12/01/09 10:08 PM Re: Going inside, going outside, to relieve stress [Re: Lisa Shea]
jilly Offline
Best Friend

Registered: 07/07/08
Posts: 1795
Loc: beneath the rim of the Colorad...
Well, I am here in my new home. We've been having issues with some of the utilities, as this place has been abandoned since April, and the pipes and various heating machines need serious servicing (the pilot light will not stay on for example in the heater and there is a bad water leak in the back yard. The place is full of dirt and smears and cobwebs. Some windows are cracked and one has a whole in it. But these are all fixable items. They will get under control soon enough.

I am just so happy to be here. I have so much more ROOM, for one thing, than in the RV. Plus I am not lonely - it is very nice to have Dan here. We are promising to start fresh with each other. I hope we can do so.

I feel like i am on a honeymoon. smile

It would be nice to actually take one, now that I think about it. Maybe it's something we can save for some day.
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#390948 - 12/04/09 07:13 PM Re: Going inside, going outside, to relieve stress [Re: jilly]
Lisa Shea Online   content

Silver Star Soulmate

Registered: 10/20/04
Posts: 5983
Loc: US
That is *awesome* Jilly - and in a way it's good that it is starting in a "raw" shape! As you polish and refine it, you will appreciate every little change, and soon you will have an ultimate cozy home there - all due to your own hands.

Cobwebs can be cleaned up, and dirt can be swept up! It is your home!
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Lisa Shea, Owner

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#391024 - 12/05/09 08:31 PM Re: Going inside, going outside, to relieve stress [Re: Lisa Shea]
jilly Offline
Best Friend

Registered: 07/07/08
Posts: 1795
Loc: beneath the rim of the Colorad...
Thank you, Lisa, that is how we are trying to see it. Dan and I spent HOURS today scrubbing and soaking and rinsing things.

I bought a long tapered brush from a dollar store to run under the stove and fridge...it was excavating. We found all kinds of things. Like dead bugs, old food, a matchbox car, screws, and what i call "schmutz." We threw the matchbox car in the goodwill bin and the screws in the trash, and then vacuumed up the rest. It was kinda fun, although I think dan didn't share my joy in our archeological dig. smile

Then I crawled around on the floor with a rag and scrubbed the old 1970s linoleum. It doesn't look good - it really can't - but at least it's clean. Then we both scrubbed the schmutz off the lower walls and the doorways, doorhandles, light switches, window sills...got the cobwebs from the ceilings and corners....I enjoy good clean work like this. Much more to do but we did a solid.

It was satisfying. I was *going* to go hiking today, but it ended up being cold and dreary out. So a good day to just clean and organize things. I found homes for a few items and am starting to assign what goes in which cabinets.

The heater still isn't working but we have to keep on the landlord to get this done...

Anyway things are coming together gradually. At some point we will find the time to go get our furniture. We are sleeping on the floor and using garden chairs for seats. Whatever works, yes? smile
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#391298 - 12/09/09 02:26 AM Re: Going inside, going outside, to relieve stress [Re: jilly]
jilly Offline
Best Friend

Registered: 07/07/08
Posts: 1795
Loc: beneath the rim of the Colorad...
Still having trouble getting the propane furnace to stay on. And now I am sick. Very tired of being cold when the sun goes down. frown

We got our landlords to agree to subtract from our rent what it costs to get the heater fixed. So that is progress.
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#391652 - 12/16/09 05:54 PM Re: Going inside, going outside, to relieve stress [Re: jilly]
jilly Offline
Best Friend

Registered: 07/07/08
Posts: 1795
Loc: beneath the rim of the Colorad...
I think the propane heater is finally fixed! Warmth!

i am going to start a thread on staying warm.
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Jilly


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#391664 - 12/16/09 06:07 PM Re: Going inside, going outside, to relieve stress [Re: jilly]
Lisa Shea Online   content

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That is such awesome news!! Congratualations!!

See, everything will work out, step by step smile
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Lisa Shea, Owner

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#391786 - 12/18/09 02:53 AM Re: Going inside, going outside, to relieve stress [Re: Lisa Shea]
jilly Offline
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Registered: 07/07/08
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Thank you. I am really working each day, with small steps to get where I want to be.

I really think moving is more stressful than it appears (and yes it does seem stressful...but i mean constantly moving). Nothing in your life is stable or settled, you don't know where things are in your home, you don't have a doctor or a hairdresser, you have to mess endlessly with utilities companies, learn your streets, meet neighbors, find out the cheapest gas stations and places to buy everything, move your insurance, mailing address, deal with DMVs, move your prescriptions...put things into and out of storage...

I need to stop this. Right now. I need to figure out if this is indeed the place for me to stay in, as I can't do this again. I've moved more than 90 times last time I counted. I am DONE.

My husband wants to keep moving every year. It is KILLING me inside.

I have so much thinking to do. I know that i need to set down roots somewhere and I would like to think and hope that it is here.
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Jilly


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#391802 - 12/18/09 05:52 PM Re: Going inside, going outside, to relieve stress [Re: jilly]
Lisa Shea Online   content

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I agree that constant moving is a challenge. Some people enjoy the change and some people would rather have stability. Both ways are fine but it's important to have a way of life that suits you. I used to move every year and I didn't mind it, but I didn't enjoy it either. I've been in my current home about 14 years and I really am very happy here. The thought of getting everything packed up is very stressful. So I completely empathize with your desire to just stay put.

If your hubby enjoys moving, then he can travel a lot - and come back to your "home base" occasionally. I can understand the fun desire to travel - but I also like to have a home base.
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Lisa Shea, Owner

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#391869 - 12/19/09 08:44 PM Re: Going inside, going outside, to relieve stress [Re: Lisa Shea]
jilly Offline
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Registered: 07/07/08
Posts: 1795
Loc: beneath the rim of the Colorad...
I used to enjoy change and lots of it. I used to think stability was for wimps. I've changed a lot since my 20s. Now I am old and grumpy. smile

I've never once in my adult life had any real roots anywhere. I long for a garden and root cellar and a green home and a place to make more wonderful as the years go by.

I am afraid it won't be here, if I stay married to Dan. He told me he thinks this is the ugliest terrain he could ever imagine. That really upsets me, as I adore this serene, gorgeous landscape. I am so tired of trying to come up with a place we can BOTH be happy. It does not seem to exist.
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Jilly


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#392610 - 01/01/10 03:38 AM Re: Going inside, going outside, to relieve stress [Re: jilly]
Lisa Shea Online   content

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It is so true that we all change over time. So a situation which might be perfect for us in decade 2 might not be perfect in decade 3. It's not that you're old and grumpy smile It's that you are now focused on a stability stage of life, which is fine!

I have been thinking about Dan's statement for some time, trying to think of how to respond. I adore nature in all its shapes and colors. I love green mountains, and squishy bogs, and rocky stretches, and rolling sandy dunes. I'm just not sure I could think of an area of nature as being "ugly" - unless it was something damaged by humans.

I've been trying to think of how I would start a discussion if Bob said something like that about the area we live. Hmmm.

"If there was a change we made to this area which could add some beauty into it, what would that be?"

I think that would be where I started. That could give a sense of direction.
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Lisa Shea, Owner

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#392777 - 01/03/10 12:27 AM Re: Going inside, going outside, to relieve stress [Re: Lisa Shea]
jilly Offline
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Registered: 07/07/08
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Loc: beneath the rim of the Colorad...
Thank you for the insights. Dan's answer to the question was, "make it rain here about 100 times more."

I guess he likes grass and much greenery. This is more like muted shades of beige, rust, green, taupe and bone. With a huge horizon, just how i like it. smile

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Jilly


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#394066 - 01/25/10 08:09 AM Re: Going inside, going outside, to relieve stress [Re: jilly]
Lisa Shea Online   content

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Ok I think buying a rain making system is probably beyond your income right now smile So maybe I need to qualify the question into

what can you AFFORD to do to your home, which would make it more cozy and beautiful smile

If he likes greenery how about getting some potted plants and putting them around the house? Give him some green?
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Lisa Shea, Owner

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#394143 - 01/25/10 06:13 PM Re: Going inside, going outside, to relieve stress [Re: Lisa Shea]
jilly Offline
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Well, we yakked and yakked over this. The truth is, he does not like this part of the world. frown

So we are going to spend the summer in Alabama to make him happy. I have a friend there, plus he has family there, so I am looking forward to having a girlfriend to do things with and an extended family.

He doesn't want to come back to this place. So either I will be here alone or we will figure something else out. We are playing about with the idea of building a tiny house on his mom's land in Oklahoma.
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Jilly


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#394164 - 01/25/10 07:04 PM Re: Going inside, going outside, to relieve stress [Re: jilly]
Lisa Shea Online   content

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It is certainly challenging. As I've mentioned before, we have the reverse problem here. I adore New England. I love the green rolling hills. Bob really wants to live in Arizona. He loves the dry heat. In our case, we are staying here smile But I'm willing to travel with him to Arizona to visit. We have too many elderly family members and pets to be mobile right now.
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Lisa Shea, Owner

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#394205 - 01/25/10 09:50 PM Re: Going inside, going outside, to relieve stress [Re: Lisa Shea]
jilly Offline
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Registered: 07/07/08
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Well I wish you'd move out here! lol

Come out for a visit to Sedona. He can play golf and you and i can explore the red rocks and oak creek canyon. These are some of the finest golf courses in Sedona, and we could even take the RV to Palm Springs if he liked!

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Jilly


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#394225 - 01/25/10 11:14 PM Re: Going inside, going outside, to relieve stress [Re: jilly]
Lisa Shea Online   content

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I have visited Arizona a few times, and I do like visiting for a week or two, but I am always happy to return to New England. I really can't leave this area right now.
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Lisa Shea, Owner

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#394298 - 01/26/10 03:46 AM Re: Going inside, going outside, to relieve stress [Re: Lisa Shea]
jilly Offline
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Registered: 07/07/08
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I really need to get backpacking for some peacefulness in my mind. It's been too long. Once we get a break from El nino, I need to plan a trip by myself into the southern part of the state, where the saguaros live.
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Jilly


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#394586 - 01/27/10 10:12 PM Re: Going inside, going outside, to relieve stress [Re: jilly]
Lisa Shea Online   content

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I did love walking amongst the saguaros, that sounds like a lovely trip to plan out, Jilly!

In the meantime, you can go for short walks, and explore your local world! It really helps your peace of mind so much to be alone in nature, to breathe in the fresh air and to remember the long term cycles of life. It puts everything else into perspective.
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Lisa Shea, Owner

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#395161 - 02/07/10 03:27 PM Re: Going inside, going outside, to relieve stress [Re: Lisa Shea]
jilly Offline
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Registered: 07/07/08
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Once again moving. Does it seem like I ever do anything else Lisa? Just think how bored you are of hearing me talk about it. Now imagine being ME.

All this to say there is no time right now for desert walks. frown
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Jilly


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#395589 - 02/15/10 02:21 AM Re: Going inside, going outside, to relieve stress [Re: jilly]
Lisa Shea Online   content

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You were saying it was too rainy anyway! This way you can go somewhere that there are hiking and walking opportunities.
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Lisa Shea, Owner

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#395596 - 02/15/10 02:57 AM Re: Going inside, going outside, to relieve stress [Re: Lisa Shea]
jilly Offline
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Registered: 07/07/08
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Loc: beneath the rim of the Colorad...
True enough! I hope El Nino has less of an effect in So Cal for our 2-3 months there.

Dan says there seems to be a break in the storms right now. We went for a walk both yesterday and today to celebrate. Yesterday along the Verde River and today along West Clear Creek. Everything was on the muddy side but it felt so good to be out in the sun and exploring! We had GREAT conversations and we felt a lot closer to each other.

It was a nice break from all the hustle and bustle and stress of moving and worrying about our differences. smile
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Jilly


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#396363 - 02/27/10 05:16 PM Re: Going inside, going outside, to relieve stress [Re: jilly]
jilly Offline
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I got in two hikes since I wrote! One along the west clear creek and one on the red slickrock in sedona. it takes so little to make me feel happier.

We are putting off the actual driving out of AZ for at least two more weeks so i can hopefully get some more hikes in. I am targetting Beaver Creek and further up West Clear, as well as a few more Sedona trails. I would also enjoy a backpack in the superstitions near Phx. We just need El Nino to cease and let things dry up.

Still too cold for The Canyon. But If I can squeak in a trip in there, I have a loop along the Tonto I wish to do solo.
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Jilly


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#397502 - 03/22/10 08:53 PM Re: Going inside, going outside, to relieve stress [Re: jilly]
jilly Offline
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Loc: beneath the rim of the Colorad...
I got in a really lovely hike yesterday in West Clear Canyon. The creek is swollen beyond anything I have ever seen. my guess is the snows in the high country were pounded this year and now that spring is here, everything is running very high.

SO I am glad that I got in the West Clear area I wanted to! Wet Beaver Creek is next, and I hope I have time to do it before the end of the month when we leave.

At this point I realize that the Grand Canyon isn't going to happen this year. But I am sure there will be tons of nice along along the west coast ahead for me.

In any case, my hike yesterday felt so good. I am still just vibrating with happiness over it.
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Jilly


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#397535 - 03/23/10 03:49 AM Re: Going inside, going outside, to relieve stress [Re: jilly]
tweetymom Offline
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Jilly, so you are moving! Do you not enjoy it any more? I do not any more, but in my younger days, when I was with my childrens dad, we moved all the time! I liked it for a couple years till we had children. Then it was a lot of trouble! We were together for 6 years and we must've moved at least once a year, sometimes more. Out of state, to other cities in the state we were in, all over! Now I'm glad I had those experiences to look back on. I know people who have never even left the city they were born in and I feel that they have missed out on something valuable.

You are moving to California? U been there before? Oops, I slipped into text speak! When I've been texting a lot, I find myself hitting a key 2 or 3 times, you know how you do it on your phone! LOL !!

So are you taking your little feral cat with you? Hope so. Or did she have them yet? How is that going?
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Dinah, Tweetymom

RIP precious Merlin
7/11/1990-11/17/2009
RIP Tweetylove
5/13/2010
Rest with Merlin

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#397539 - 03/23/10 04:23 AM Re: Going inside, going outside, to relieve stress [Re: tweetymom]
tweetymom Offline
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Registered: 03/22/09
Posts: 1663
Loc: Austin, Texas
As far as relieving stress, since my Merlin passed, I have not gotten back to any routine. Really I sort of (sometimes) flail about, not having a plan or whatever! I'm trying to get a handle on that but I forget to think of it a lot of the time. I'm not so pitiful any more so much. But I still have my times of stressing out over the fact that he is gone and will not be back! LOL. I'm being light here because I hate sinking into that abyss. I avoid all things sad now, generally. Sometimes when I start thinking about it or see something sad on TV, I just have to jump up (literally) and say to myself " No no no I'm NOT going to do this"!

So I'm considering getting some grief counseling soon. I guess that would be in the category of relieving stress. Or managing it.

What is your method of stress management?
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Dinah, Tweetymom

RIP precious Merlin
7/11/1990-11/17/2009
RIP Tweetylove
5/13/2010
Rest with Merlin

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#397690 - 03/25/10 08:41 PM Re: Going inside, going outside, to relieve stress [Re: tweetymom]
jilly Offline
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Registered: 07/07/08
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The moving thing is just something that happens a lot when you live with Dan (my DH). I am so sick of it. But I like being back in the RV.

The feral cat....still pregnant. I want to take her with us but Dan is against it. We will see how things fall out. I don't know how an outdoor cat will get by in a traveling RV. I am willing to try but not willing for Dan to be a PITA about it.

So we will just live and travel in Serenity, the RV. We will be going to CA and OR this summer. :-)

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Jilly


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#397691 - 03/25/10 08:45 PM Re: Going inside, going outside, to relieve stress [Re: tweetymom]
jilly Offline
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Registered: 07/07/08
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I think grief counseling is a really good idea. There is nothing wrong with how you feel, but you should not be dwelling on the sorrow to the point that it interferes with living. I am sorry for your pain and loss.

I think avoiding sad things is a normal coping mechanism. Eventually you won't have to do that, but it does help right now.

I have been managing stress by reaching out to friends (mostly via IM on email or Facebook), going for walks and hikes, taking photos of nature, reading something recreational, doing yoga and taking naps when I need to.

What seems to work for you?

Originally Posted By: tweetymom
As far as relieving stress, since my Merlin passed, I have not gotten back to any routine. Really I sort of (sometimes) flail about, not having a plan or whatever! I'm trying to get a handle on that but I forget to think of it a lot of the time. I'm not so pitiful any more so much. But I still have my times of stressing out over the fact that he is gone and will not be back! LOL. I'm being light here because I hate sinking into that abyss. I avoid all things sad now, generally. Sometimes when I start thinking about it or see something sad on TV, I just have to jump up (literally) and say to myself " No no no I'm NOT going to do this"!

So I'm considering getting some grief counseling soon. I guess that would be in the category of relieving stress. Or managing it.

What is your method of stress management?
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Jilly


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#397705 - 03/26/10 12:39 AM Re: Going inside, going outside, to relieve stress [Re: jilly]
tweetymom Offline
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Loc: Austin, Texas
Looking back to before Merlin started getting old, a couple years ago I stopped doing anything but trying to help him feel better. I stopped going anywhere I didn't have to go. Generally, just being with him. He got to where he wasn't good riding in the car. I felt that he had given me so many wonderful years, that I owed him that much. And I loved him. I didn't resent anything I did for him. I realized at the time, that it could be said that this was not a good thing, but I don't see how i could have done it any differently! And I wouldn't have had it any other way! Still feel that way.

Today on here, several members have had losses and I cried my eyes out. I started to reply to each one, then decided not to reply to any of them. I really relate and feel their losses, but I just can't go there yet! I don't know if I'm supposed to cry with my cataract removal, but I did tonight.

Now that he is gone, I sort of feel reluctant to do things I couldn't do, like I would be tossing his memory to the side. I know that THIS is not right! So that is why I'm going to the grief counseling. I have an appt. already.

Before all that, I was able to just get a grip on myself, and surge forward!, if you can understand that. I've always been into self-control and being in control of myself and my life is very important to me.

Like any self-respecting aging flower child, new age person, whatever, I have learned a lot of things over the years to manage stress. Yoga and stretching work good for me. Also talking to myself, out loud. I hope going to the grief counseling will help me get back to a place where I can live my life without falling apart every time i hear a sad thing, reminding me of Merlin.
_________________________
Dinah, Tweetymom

RIP precious Merlin
7/11/1990-11/17/2009
RIP Tweetylove
5/13/2010
Rest with Merlin

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#397709 - 03/26/10 09:47 AM Re: Going inside, going outside, to relieve stress [Re: tweetymom]
preciousbaby Offline
Friend

Registered: 04/27/07
Posts: 256
Loc: utica, ny
Hi Honey! My heart goes out to you as I just lost my Precious Baby girl after four years of our life together. I do realize how you feel. Let's focus on the positive things you still have in life. Start a gratitude list and see if that might help. For example, I will now be grateful for the love she provided to me after my divorce. I was a mess, and I remember Baby kissed my tears when I went near the cage. She was such a gift from God!!!
Happy Friday, Dinah!!!
Joni
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#397744 - 03/26/10 08:38 PM Re: Going inside, going outside, to relieve stress [Re: preciousbaby]
tweetymom Offline
Best Friend

Registered: 03/22/09
Posts: 1663
Loc: Austin, Texas
He passed in Nov, 09, and I still can't think of anything having to do with it without falling apart and crying again! Thinking of the positive things is about that in a a big way. So that is why I'm going to get the grief counseling.

Thanks for your kind words. I am so sorry you lost your Precious Baby! I felt your pain while reading your story. In fact, it kind of scared me when I thought of the fact that she had to have her surgery. That's why I did not reply to any of the members who have had losses this week; I do not have any advise for you. In fact, I am still sort of mad at God or whoever for making it this way! I am a mess and I know it.

I feel that the only thing that saves me from going off the deep end (whatever that means, LOL) is that I still have 4 budgies and 4 cats! They do love me very much and i love them very much too. I am glad I have them! I'm glad you have Blossom!

See, i didn't reply earlier because I didn't want it to be all about poor me, and here I've done just that! Sorry. If nothing else, it lets you know that you are not alone! And the members on here have been as wonderful and awesome as they could be!

Jilly, I'm sorry to have hi jacked your thread! So to redeem myself with you I am going to do some Yoga and stretches as soon as I get off of here!! smile

I DO feel fortunate for being able to have him for 18 years!
_________________________
Dinah, Tweetymom

RIP precious Merlin
7/11/1990-11/17/2009
RIP Tweetylove
5/13/2010
Rest with Merlin

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#397749 - 03/26/10 10:21 PM Re: Going inside, going outside, to relieve stress [Re: tweetymom]
PDM Offline

True Blue Soulmate

Registered: 12/16/04
Posts: 22697
Loc: UK
I hope that the counselling will help, Dinah smile


Edited by PDM (03/26/10 11:34 PM)
Edit Reason: typo
_________________________
"The secret of success is constancy to purpose" - Benjamin Disraeli.

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#397750 - 03/26/10 10:28 PM Re: Going inside, going outside, to relieve stress [Re: PDM]
tweetymom Offline
Best Friend

Registered: 03/22/09
Posts: 1663
Loc: Austin, Texas
Thanks PDM. My appt is on April 2, and I will update you on how that goes. I have no idea what to expect, and I hope they will not think it frivolous that it is about losing a pet!! We shall see.
_________________________
Dinah, Tweetymom

RIP precious Merlin
7/11/1990-11/17/2009
RIP Tweetylove
5/13/2010
Rest with Merlin

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#397755 - 03/27/10 01:27 AM Re: Going inside, going outside, to relieve stress [Re: tweetymom]
Lisa Shea Online   content

Silver Star Soulmate

Registered: 10/20/04
Posts: 5983
Loc: US
It is definitely very rough to lose a loved pet. I have Hamlet's ashes on the mantle and I still touch the box when I go past. I miss him greatly. It was very sudden when he passed, one minute he was there curled up at my feet, the next minute he was on his last minutes. Somehow you find a place where you miss him and remember him, but you keep going forward.
_________________________
Lisa Shea, Owner

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#397805 - 03/27/10 03:50 PM Re: Going inside, going outside, to relieve stress [Re: Lisa Shea]
tweetymom Offline
Best Friend

Registered: 03/22/09
Posts: 1663
Loc: Austin, Texas
Lisa I think you must've had a worse few months than I. You seem to have a better handle on it than I, though. I see that and my hat goes off to you!

On managing my stress: Today I was thinking of this thread, and remembered that I have a couple of "stress" relieving things, that I forgot they existed! One of them is an Acupressure thing that goes around your neck that has low to high settings, and heat, and vibrates and works good. Another one I have is a whole body Acupressure thing, and it has a rolling effect that goes up and down your spine, and it works good too! Maybe I'm beginning to come out of my fog!

So I'm going to get those out today and see how that goes! Although sometimes I have a hard time siting there doing that. LOL. Haha. That sounds mental, huh?
_________________________
Dinah, Tweetymom

RIP precious Merlin
7/11/1990-11/17/2009
RIP Tweetylove
5/13/2010
Rest with Merlin

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#397807 - 03/27/10 04:02 PM Re: Going inside, going outside, to relieve stress [Re: tweetymom]
jilly Offline
Best Friend

Registered: 07/07/08
Posts: 1795
Loc: beneath the rim of the Colorad...
Dinah, do it! Totally do it now. Go make yourself relax, and remind yourself that Jill and Lisa are telling you to do so. :-)
_________________________
Jilly


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#397809 - 03/27/10 04:11 PM Re: Going inside, going outside, to relieve stress [Re: jilly]
tweetymom Offline
Best Friend

Registered: 03/22/09
Posts: 1663
Loc: Austin, Texas
smile Thanks ladies! I guess now is as good a time as any, as I cannot do much while my eye is recovering!
_________________________
Dinah, Tweetymom

RIP precious Merlin
7/11/1990-11/17/2009
RIP Tweetylove
5/13/2010
Rest with Merlin

Top

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#397814 - 03/27/10 05:21 PM Re: Going inside, going outside, to relieve stress [Re: tweetymom]
Lisa Shea Online   content

Silver Star Soulmate

Registered: 10/20/04
Posts: 5983
Loc: US
That is awesome that you have tools to help you relax and feel better. If you feel like you are "wasting time" just sitting there, maybe you can listen to some lovely music or an audiobook?
_________________________
Lisa Shea, Owner

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