RomanceClass.com Forums Romance Does He/She Like Me? Horrid Matter Of Fact...

Ok well... story goes as such. I'll try to keep it as short as possible, there's just no easy way to shorten it. When I was in high school... I liked this girl. It was innocent enough. We went out all the time, dinner and movies. Nearly every weekend. Well skipping irrelevant things, I told her one night how I felt (days before graduation) and... well... she shot me down. I later found out that she was into someone else, and started a relationship with him when she went off to college. I was destroyed by it. I shut her out and vowed that I would be damned if I ever spoke to her again. Though she tried, I tried harder to not let her. She was the sweet girl from the rich part of town, and me heh... I’m your basic adventure bad boy punk rocker from the other side of the tracks... but with a good heart. Least I think so. I shut her out for many years... one day we started talking again. Mostly hi and bye, which was fine with me, I didn't want to be in the same predicament twice. Skipping five years later, I hadn't spoken to her much, I had my own things going on. I had other girls, a new college to go to, new friends, hell I even had a girlfriend for a while... but one day... I find myself talking to her. I'll call her G for simplicity. Well I don't know how it started, but I’m sure it started with a "hello." From that... it's led to so much more. She opened up to me... though I never asked. She told me of everything that had happened in the past couple of years... including other guys. Things I never wanted to hear from her, I did... and at that split moment... I was hurt again. I didn't feel anything for her, but maybe deep down inside she hit a nerve that hadn't seen the light of day for many years. All I could do was swallow my sorrow and dismiss it. Well a few days after we start talking again... she says to me that she's going to come up to see me. At first I was like yeah sure ok whatever you say, but she was adamant about it. Also... she started sending me text messages. This was a new one on me. So I started sending them back. Then it led to phone calls, few and far between, but I started calling back as well... something strange about all of this... her messages... her words... they weren't words you say to a friend. Things like "I miss you" "Why can't you be here" and things of that sort. Some messages were from when she was drunk, so I never took it into consideration, but many were from when she wasn't... so this confused me. I was starting to feel old feelings return... and though I tried to bury them... they kept coming back up. Well, I had planned a trip back home to visit friends and family, I knew she was going to be there, so I tried to keep it concealed from her, but I couldn't. So when I told her, immediately she started making plans to hang out. It was the longest drive in my life. I didn't know what I would say to the girl that broke my heart five years ago that only healed because I ran far enough away. So we meet... and she's even more beautiful than I had remembered. We hug and share a few words and smiles. We drink, and talk, drink more, and talk more... and eventually... she reaches for my hand. I was utterly confused. She had never held my hand once. This was a first for me... I felt my heart explode. After some minutes of hand holding... she leans in... and she kisses me deeply. All I can do is kiss her back, but in the back of my mind... I’m freaking out. How could this happen? The signs were all there, but I never once trusted her words... can you blame me for not trusting her words? But this is not the end of it... The kissing... led to sex. I finally had the girl I had wanted since I was a kid... but instead of being happy... I was more confused, and I was afraid of tomorrow. After that... the texts and the phone calls became less and less... At first I was feeling lonely, I felt like I had no one to turn to, that my apartment was getting smaller and smaller by the second. Though she would send texts, they weren't as fiery or as frequent. I began to feel as though I had made a mistake... Eventually... the texts start coming back, and the calls too. We would still always talk on messenger... but I tried as hard as I could to not fall for her. Not again. I didn't want to... So skipping to recently, she finally comes to see me. I kept saying to myself, I wont let myself fall for her, I'll just have fun. Which is what we did. A lot of fun. We shared a lot of intimacy, sex, kissing, hugs, words... but also a lot of innocent fun. Went to a concert, to the movies like old times. We had other plans in mind, but she was only going to be here for two days... Well, a little about myself. I love to tease her. I love to poke fun at her, and she does the same. We're always at each other's throats, but in a playful way. She calls me gay and I call her a cunt. This is how I am. This is how we are with each other. Well... I decided I wasn't going to take anymore xx, I wasn't going to sit by and let things just ride. So during sex, I ask her, I say... "So do you like me yet?" She says that she does, and I say to her, then just cut the xx... and by my girl. Not even three seconds passes when she agrees. Mind you we had been drinking again so I felt ten foot tall and bullet proof. The way I see it, and this is about everything, not just how I feel about her... but I live by the code "Nothing ventured, nothing gained." Everything I do is like clockwork. I don't plan things, but I act on impulse and I have some of my best adventures this way. I like to live semi-dangerously, so I figured the worst she can say is no, and I was prepared for that... but when she said yes... I was unprepared. Sometime later (she was still visiting) she begins to have second thoughts. So we talk a bit. She says that she'll be starting classes again soon, and in another city, so that she might not have the time for a relationship... but... why agree to it then? Even though we had both been drinking, we spoke of this sober. So I tell her, then lets take it one day at a time. Whether she heard me say that or not... I don't know. Though she said she would like to start something with me... she took back her "yes" and instead planted a "let me think." Well... its been about a week since she left, and well... I’m more confused than ever now... Maybe I should have kept my mouth shut and not said anything... but in my mind... it was now or never. There may not have been a second chance... so I had to take it. My last stand against her if you will. For the first few days after she left, we spoke on the phone and sent texts. Though she is moving into a new place and doesn't really have a lot of time right now, I can understand that. So I don't expect her to call or text or anything... but I wish she would... its usually late when she does... and things still seem the same. I’m just afraid that she's just trying to be nice or something... maybe obligated to text/call me. Maybe I’m thinking too much into that, but circumstance and experience yields that I think twice about everything when it comes to her. I think the biggest worry I have is that everything... the kissing, the hugs, the hand holding, the words, most importantly the sex... was all just fake. Though fun and warm... fake. She doesn't seem the type that would just lead me on THAT far for fun... but hell I don't know. Another worry I have is that if everything she said and did with me was real... that she wont commit to me. I don't want to sound egotistical... but I know that I am a catch. I know for a fact that I am a good guy. She knows it, I know it, everyone knows it. Though I can be a xxxxx at times, she knows when it comes to her, that everything I say should be taken with a grain of sand. She's the only person I can be nice to. Though I understand that she may be afraid to start something... maybe she doesn't trust guys again or something, or maybe yes she will be very busy, but whatever the case is... I just can't comprehend how someone can say something one moment, continue it on till the next day, and finally have second thoughts the last day. I don't sleep with friends, she knows this (I think). Nor do I take being toyed with lightly, she also knows this. She knows that I cut my last girlfriend out for good because she toyed with me. Anyways... so within the past couple days, she's been out of town so I don't expect her to be calling or texting much, I know she's busy, hell I am too. I’m just really confused by this whole thing. Is it possible that she truly does have feelings for me? Do you think its possible that she would have sex with me just because? Though she said she likes me... is it bad of me to not believe her completely? ...and most of all... is it wrong to feel the way I do? Though I want to call her, I don't. I’m afraid of what she'll say. She also says that I’m crazy for liking her... though I never said I did haha, I wanted her to say she liked me, but yes... I do like her. I always have. She's the only one that makes me genuinely smile... laugh... and she's the only person that can truly hurt me. I don't want to move fast, I don't mind letting her think... its just so complicated. It would be easier if there was no intimacy involved. A good friend of mine told me that she was just bored and wants someone warm next to her, to pleasure her... though I don't want to believe she would do that to me... it does cross my mind. I asked her the other day if she wanted to hang out again, and she never said yes or no. So I dropped it, chances are I wont see her then after all... though I want to. Maybe someone can analyze this story for me... and tell me what I should expect or even do, I'd appreciate it. I don't want to have to cut her out of my life again... because this time... it'd be forever. I don't think I could live with myself if I lost the only girl that... well... makes me happy.

Hello & welcome SDG

This is a complex situation, so I'll 're-write' it to see if I can get some clarity:


In high school you and a female friend went out together regularly, but, when you told her how much you liked her, just before leaving school, she didn't reciprocate.

She was interested in someone else & started dating him.

You felt destroyed and decided to get over her by having nothing more to do with her.

Occasionally, you might just exchange brief greetings, but it wasn't until 5 years later that communication increased.

Then you started to feel something for her again.

One meeting led from talking, to hand-holding, to kissing, to sex, but you felt confused, rather than happy.

After that, communication was sometimes frequent & sometimes infrequent.

Recently, you met up & had fun together ~ including sex, kissing, hugs, & a lot of innocent fun. It became a 'playful' relationship.

You were surprised that she agreed to be your girl, but, after thinking about being away studying, etc, she changed her mind ~ needing to think.

You still communicate by texting phone etc, but you are not sure how she really feels.

You worry that that the kissing, the hugs, the hand holding, the words, most importantly the sex wont lead to a commitment from her to you.

You even worry that her loving behaviour was false and that she was playing with your emotions.

She is the only girl you have really cared about and you don't know if she feels the same way.

She hasn't said that she does, but you haven't told her how you feel, either, because you are afraid of rejection.

Apparently, everyone thinks that you are a good catch & 'a good guy'.

You don't cheat or sleep around and you don't expect your girlfriend to, either.

You don't know whether or not to trust her, and you feel guilty for doubting her.

Your friend says that she is using you. You hope that she's not, but you feel that she might be.

You haven't even arranged to see each other again ~ and you wonder if you ever will.

You don't want to have to cut her out of your life forever, but if she is toying with you, you feel that you would have to.

Yet you don't think that you could live with yourself, if you lost the only girl that makes you happy.

Basically, you are falling in love with a girl who may or may not be interested in you.

I think that this is quite a common occurance ~ the difference here is that she sometimes acts as if she loves you and sometimes as if she doesn't care.

So what is going on?

It could be that she does like you, but isn't ready for a settled relationship.
Maybe she just enjoys fun and flirting and casual relationships.
Maybe she has these with others, as well as yourself.

It could be that she does really like you, but senses that you are wary of her, so doesn't want to commit to you.

By being so scared of rejection that you won't discuss it, you may be losing out on a proper relationship with her.

On the other hand, if you tell her that she is the only girl for you, this may scare her off.

If she is the kind who likes casual romances, then it could be that you two are not really compatible.

One thing I was going to suggest is that you forget about what happened in high school, because you were both very young then.
However, perhaps I was being hasty.

One thing that bothers me about your memories of those days is that you spent a lot of time together, going out as many youngsters would on dates ~ without either of you knowing how the other felt. As close friends, one would expect you to know each other and trust each other, yet the relationship doesn't seem to have been based on care and trust ~ or even on knowing each other well.

This seems to be the current pattern, too, even though you are older.

You still spend time together ~ being intimate now ~ but not really knowing each other.
Where is the care and trust in this relationship ~ whether it is based on romance or friendship?

Do you really feel that you can go on this way?
~ not knowing if you are going to see her tomorrow, or in five years, or ever again?
~ not knowing whether she cares about you, or sees you as a casual friend?
~ not knowing whether she has other casual boyfriends or whether you are special to her?
~ not knowing whether she may want to commit, but fears that you don't trust her?

You said that, after the high school rejection, you were destroyed and shut her out, vowing never to speak to her again.
Do you think that she still senses this?

You have to decide something.

Either you wait and see what happens, or you take a more active stance.

If you wait and see, you will not move on. You will always be wondering and waiting.

If you confront her, who knows?
You may get the answer you want ~ or the answer you don't want.
You fear the latter, but is it worse than living in limbo?

You say that you couldn't live with yourself if you lost the only girl who makes you happy ~ but this situation isn't making you happy, is it?.

What would make you happy would be if she said she loved you and would be yours & yours alone until the end of time.

She may or may not say this.
Talking to ner about it may be a gamble, but don't you feel that you need to sort this out? That's what it sounds like from your post.

And, if this is not meant to be, it would be upsetting for you, of course it would, but don't say that you couldn't live with yourself if you lost the only girl that makes you happy.
For one, you are not happy with the situation.
Secondly, you are still very young & you may not yet have met the one girl who will make you truly happy.
Third, if you continue to wonder and worry about this girl, you may miss out on your true soul mate.

And maybe it is meant to be, but she needs you to clarify how you feel.
Maybe she didn't want to commit while she was studying because she feared breaking your heart again.

The thing is, you don't know & you seem to need to know.

Why don''t you try to have a real heart-to-heart chat with her.

Be as objective and honest as possible.
Be willing to accept whatever she has to say.
Hope for the best, but be willing to accept answers that you don't want to hear ~ just in case.

If it's not meant to be, remember that time heals.
If it is meant to be, then great!!

Good luck!

Thank you.

For actually reading it all and for your words. I just mainly want to hope for the best... but I should prepare for the worst beforehand.

Yeah for the most part its just very confusing... she wonders as to how I could like her saying "Why do you like me I'm so (insert random bad trait she doesn't really even have.)" Then I just laugh at the situation. Says that I'm really sweet to her, when I'm really not being sweet at all. She even constantly asked when she was here what I was thinking or if I was ok every time I got quiet.

I don't think there are any other guys, I am certain of this. At least not for now anyway. I do know I have some impact on her, and holds me in a special place; yet if I ever found out I was just some toy to her or someone she could call when she needed a fix... then that'd be it, I would wash my hands of her.

I'm just going to have to bite the bullet on this one. You're right about how I feel, I can't stand being alone in the dark about it. Its like solitary confinement, and that one hour a day of exercise outside just doesn't cut it.


But again, thank you for your words. I wish I could shake your hand.

Perhaps she wants you to tell her how much you care for her and that, whatever her strengths or weaknesses, you would still care for her.

Maybe she wants you to be sweet ~ not to laugh as if all you want is fun ~ but to be sweet and tender and tell her how you feel.

Maybe she's hoping that you are thinking of her and wanting her to be in your future.

You need to find out, I think.

You need to have a serious chat.

I hope that you can sort something out that will make things happier and clearer for both of you!

Dear SDG,

I didn't read your lament word for word albeit was pretty well written. You are young. Hopefully you will learn something about yourself eventually from this quasi relationship. I think you need to before you go too much further.

As an aside, I spent a year and a half as a client with a young health practitioner. He would be close to your age. He shared his stories of the lovelorn with not just me but with others clients of his, as I could overhear him in the waiting rooms. It got a little tedious as clearly from an objective viewpoint, it appeared that he always lusted for the WRONG girl (for him). Nice enough young man, a little vapid though and lacked substance.

Look deep inside yourself for the answers. You definitely have some conflicts. At any rate good luck with your progress and life, as there is a lot of knowledge out there to latch onto if you are observant and ready to receive the information.

Thanks Keetski, though... in all honesty, I wouldn't know if she was the right or the wrong girl. I guess you can say, she's just the one that I always wanted to know if she was, and though everything points to wrong, many many times, especially out of the blue, they point to right also... its just really really confusing with her. Sometimes she breaks my world, other times she'll build it from the ground up. Its really that horrible haha... but to tell you the truth, I think I have learned something. I think what I've truly learned is something I always knew... that if I am to find any hope of happiness, or any honest truth... I'll have to get to the bottom of all of it. I must be honest though, recently I've been trying to get her off my mind. In fact, I even went out with another girl, I never once thought about the girl in question. To be completely honest... I kinda like this new girl, and I would love to get to know her better. I heard from a friend of mine that she does indeed find me interesting and feels the same, that she would like to get to know more about me as well... however, I feel I should make amends with myself in order to find the truth about the girl who is pretty much taking up the place in my heart before I can even begin to look at another woman.


I have a bit of new information. I am going out of town this coming weekend to visit some friends. The place I'm going to is out of the way, but it passes through the city she lives in. So, I mentioned to her this the other day, that I, and my dog would be heading in that direction. Though honestly, I did not mention anything about staying in her city at all, though I'm sure she figured I would. I do have family in that city, and I would leave my dog there so I could venture alone to where I would be going.

So I told her my plans, and she says to me something around the lines of 'oh cool, so are you planning on staying [in her city] or at least visiting?' I said to her, possibly, though I'm sure she figured that was my way of saying yes. Immediately she says this to me 'Oh ok cool! But if you stay, you would have to leave Monday morning because I have something I need to do for school."

When she said this, immediately, I knew what she meant. Though subtle, and not in plain English, she basically said to me "you're going to stay with me, but you have to be out by this time." It never occurred to me to even ask to stay with her. Not because I didn't want to, because God knows I want to stay at her place, yes, I'm guilty of that haha; but I was not going to ask her if I could, and though she's never come out openly to ask if I want to stay at her place, I have maybe an 80% chance that is exactly what she meant by that.

Also, to mention, she has a very strong fondness (maybe even a love) for my dog. She absolutely adores my dog. So she said 'you're going to bring you dog right???" I told her of course. So immediately she said 'yay! we can take him to the park, do this, do that' already making plans to do things, that include her, myself and my dog. Though, I know that we wont always be with my dog is my point, and she knows wherever my dog goes, I go. So of course she wont be neglecting me just to play with my dog, and well... if by chance she did, then yes Keetski, I would have my proof that she is definitely NOT the girl for me.

So basically, she now knows that I will be somewhere else on Friday, but on Saturday, I will be in her neck of the woods. She has already pseudo invited me to her place a few times, and under-her-breath has invited me to stay with her.

I do not want to repeat another folley as to what happened that weekend she came to visit me. I want to keep everything as still as possible, without creating too much confusion or heartache. In other words, I just want to hang out with her, maybe kiss her, have intimacy and just plain... be with her. Would I be wrong for dodging the issue completely? As I have said before, she does have feelings for me, she has openly admitted to it, and I have feelings for her, though she has never heard me directly say that, I know that she does know... but would I be wrong for just going with the flow? For just taking it slowly with feelings, and taking it full scale in bed?

In all honesty, I have fallen for her, I did when I was 17, and I have again at age 23... but this time, I want to see if she'll fall for me instead. The way I see it, I've done all I can do, and if she still wants me around, then I must have done something right. I mean, she hasn't said anything like "no don't come and see me" or "I'll be busy" or anything. Fact is, she openly says yes come and see me, though she uses my dog as a ruse rather than say she wants to see me. I really don't think that she would rather see my dog than me, truly I don't, I don't think she would be that cold as to even THINK that.

Sorry if I'm writing a lot, I didn't expect this to be this long, please forgive me.

Another few things...

She likes to tell me that she's window shopping for my dog a lot. She told me recently that she saw a pet clothing store, and how she would love to go to see the clothes for my dog. I said to her, maybe if I were there as I wouldn't want YOU to dress MY dog. Naturally I was playing with her, and she knew I was. She bought a shirt for my dog, and constantly wonders if I have it on him. She'll also randomly text me about how she's seen something cute for him, and though I usually reply something around the lines of "oh hell no, you're not going to dress my dog in THAT!" of course just to tease her, and she'll reply "oh don't be jealous, if I find one in human size, I'll be sure to get it for you!" also teasing me back. I also told her my dog is trained to bite her on command, and she'll say "well if he bites me, I'll bite YOU!" to which I reply things that range from "Oh, then I'll make sure he bites you now!" (a blatant sexual advance) or "Please, your threats are hollow." (a pullback that I use on her when I want to tease her or make her "angry")

Concerning her and I... well... honestly... I don't know what to think. The last time we had a phone conversation, was about two weeks ago... she has not called me, and I've decided I would not call her because of that. Also, we speak very very rarely now. It used to be that she would text, call, or message me all the time, morning to night... but now I'm lucky if she sends me even a text at all... though I understand that she is busy, she has friends and family, has many things going on in her life, and either doesn't find the time, or the inclination to contact me... Though she eventually does. Could be next day, or following night, but she eventually will. Fact is, I don't send as many texts, nor do I even call her at all anymore. I have taken the position of letting her do it. Is this a bad idea? I've heard that if you want someone to miss you, you have to make yourself scarce. But is this a bad idea? Am I wrong in doing this? Am I putting up a wall that she wont want to break? Am I doing the wrong thing by pulling away from her if I want her to come to me instead?

One last thing. As I mentioned, I will be in her city by Saturday, she now knows this. Chances are high that I will be staying with her, at least one night. Though she hasn't up and said it personally, she can be different in person, especially if we are very intimate with each other. Now... my questions are as follows.

1) Again, am I wrong for wanting to keep things closed when it comes to emotion, but keep things open sexually and intimately?

2) Though I care for her, and she says she cares for me, am I wrong for wanting to potentially find another girl to spend my time with?

3) Are my/her habits of communication (or lack there of) signs of a failing relationship? Or is it ok especially if she still agrees to see me when I am going to be in her city? Would things be awkward though there is absolutely no sign of them being so?

4) Probably the most important of my questions...

Though she said she needed to think about being my girl, and I have come to terms with her decision, though I was very adamant on having her finally, and being open with her, telling her how I felt... Would it be ok, if I just shut my mouth, and just went with the flow as everyone has told me many times? Or would that end up killing me inside?

Truth is, I am a very truthful individual. I live for the truth, I don't care how bad it can be, but I would rather know the truth, but would it be ok if for once in my life, just went with it rather than try to analyze it?

SDG, I think that you believe that you may be in love with her and that you want her to love you.

However, you are wary of finding out exactly what she feels in case it isn't what you want.

You can carry on like this ~ not knowing for sure, but able to imagine whatever you wish ~ or you can discuss the matter with her in a mature and adult manner.

Only you can decide what to do.

But just how long can you continue not knowing ~ not knowing if you are in a relationship or not, not knowing if you should date other girls or not, not knowing if you have a future with her or if it's all a bit of a dream?

Yes, good point.

Welcome to the forum, Keetski

The best edvise that someone can give you is to follow your heart if you really want to spend the rest of your life with her then call her of text her but if u have second thoughts about it then just lay back and find another girl remember she is only 1 girl out of a billion one day you will find the gurl that appreciates you and will never miss treat you and will have kids with you and will grow old with you just wait and see and trust me you will find it when you least expect it.