RomanceClass.com Forums Romance Breaking Up What to do?

Hello, This is my first post here, hope its not too long. My ex-girlfriend broke up with me nearing a month now and we were together about 2 and 1/2 years. We both are each other’s first real love and were both very much in love. The break-up was completely my fault; throughout our relationship I was kind of a stick in the mud. Basically, when my girlfriend wanted to do something whether it was a simple walk, or a trip out of state, I would talk my way out of it. At the beginning of our relationship it wasn’t that big of a deal, she wouldn’t mind not going anywhere, and I would get myself to do things more often than not. However as the relationship wore on, and I guess she matured, going out and doing stuff became more and more important to my ex, although I don’t recall her telling me that, but at the same time I started trying less and less. Looking back now I'm not completely sure as to why I didn’t want to do those things, because I always had fun when I did agree to do something. Perhaps I got too comfortable with not doing anything, and it was just all too convenient to just say "no", however that’s not really what I did. Instead of just saying no or compromising like we use to do, I started to blame her, I guess to make her feel bad for bringing the subject up or maybe it was my defense mechanism, I’m not entirely sure. Well, that didn’t make her happy, of course, so a month or two before she actually broke up with me, she began to really think about it, and I guess then, "mentally" checked out of the relationship, I’m not really sure how else to describe it. During the few months between when she mentally left the relationship and officially broke up with me, she met another guy, who I guess took a liking to her. After breaking up with me, she waited maybe a week or so and then agreed to date this new guy. Meanwhile, the breakup took me by surprise, maybe because I had blinded myself with ignorance, or maybe because I was just a jerk who didn’t look hard enough at our relationship to know there was problems. But the break-up kind of brought me back to earth, I guess, and made me see how badly I had treated my ex. I would never want to upset my ex, because I love and care about her so very much, but I just wasn’t really myself. Hard to believe that I really care about her, I'm sure. Anyway, the break-up made me realize all that I was doing wrong, and I have been working to fix that ever since. Unfortunately, my ex seems to be happy with this new guy, probably because it is new and exciting, but I can’t help but feel it’s only a rebound relationship. I do want to get my ex back, and I promise myself, and her that I would never make such a mistake like I did before. I've put a lot of thought into it and I know these problems could be avoided as long as I am more open, plus I kind of had an addiction to video-games (that I put to rest) as silly as it seems, which I think was a big reason as to why I never wanted to do anything. However that leads me to several questions, such as, do I even really deserve another chance? It was just a mistake after all, but it was a big one, that left her hurt, and maybe I don’t even deserve another chance. Should I respect her relationship with this other guy? Or should I continue to fight for my ex? It may seem hard to believe after all that I have done, but I really do care about my ex a lot, and I think that I love/care about her more than this new guy, or any other guy (then again I'm sure everybody feels that way). Should I give my ex more space? I think I have been too clingy lately, in trying to convince her how sorry I am and that I want to give our relationship another chance, as well as concerned/jealous about this new man. We have talked several times about all that has gone on, but I believe she is still angry about what I did to her, as well as happy with this new guy cause he is, well, new. But she does understand I want to give it another chance, that I’m sorry, I think we can fix this, and she is considering it, but chances seem low, specially when she is dating someone already. She tells me she still has feelings for me, and that she also misses me, but at the same time, sees no real foreseeable break-up with this new guy. The fact that she still has feelings for me, could that mean she agreed to be in a relationship with another man too soon? I'd really appreciate your opinions. Thanks in Advance.

I am the same way about video games.(I love them!)Give her some time with this new guy.Start all over again.She can't stay mad at you forever about something as silly as that.But I do think that you should just go out and have a good time and when she is ready,she'll be ready.You can't just sit and wait for her.She is already going out and meeting new people,so why shouldn't you?
I think that you do deserve another chance with her.Yes you were a jerk to her by blaming her for something as stupid as wanting to go out.But if it was me,I would have left you at home and would have gone out by myself or with some friends.But she needs space,and you need to just let her be with this guy...just don't worry.Everything will turn out fine.

While I can agree with some of that, I wouldn't start dating around again if I were you. If I her and you told me you wanted a second chance, then started dating somebody else, I wouldn't even bother.

At the same time, don't hold out forever for her. As you suggest, she'll probably see that the new guy isn't so great and maybe be willing to give you another shot.

I really can't answer your other questions, though.

Hmm sounds like you're groing through what I'm experiencing at the moment. Though I am in no means in a state of giving advice to others while facing problems of my own, I could probably help by giving you an idea of what I'm doing in my own situation.
For now, I'm just giving my bf/ex space. I do believe that with time, things have a way of figuring themselves out on their own. You'll also think more clearly that way and develope newer perspectives of how things are or should be. Also, it gives your ex time to cool down and probably realise how much she still loves you. You really can't do much at the moment if she's dating someone else. However, it's probably a good thing for you in that it gives you more time to think things through. You don't want to go back into a relationship only to suffer through the same problems as before. (Take it from someone who's been there, not to mention recently). It was a good idea to have told her how you were feeling and that you're sorry for the pain you've caused her. Now it is just up for her to decide what she wants. Give it time, and don't be too hard on yourself. Listen to some country songs =) or play more video games to get your mind off of things. Good luck to you.

Yes, Sumguy, she knows how you are feeling, so it's just a matter of time now. You will have to wait patiently while she decides what she wants to do. And, if she comes back to you, remember your promises!

Good luck!


Lostbunnyrabbit, I think it probably helps to consider this sort of situation objectively as well as subjectively.

Thanks everyone for your input. It’s hard to not worry when the woman you love is with another man, especially when their relationship seems to be moving at a breakneck speed (apart of the reason I feel this may only be a rebound relationship). Although I said she understood I was sorry, I cant feel that she doesn’t, nor could I blame her. I should point out that during our relationship, I told her I love and care about her, which I don't think was a lie. However the things I did were not something a person who loves and cares about you does. Because of this, I feel I broke her trust and love for me, as well as her heart. I cant really see how she could trust anything I say to her, even if they are true. Perhaps these things could all be healed over time, but it seems by that time, it could already be too late.

Try to be positive.
The way that you feel is understandable.
You are learning valuable lessons ~ so think of the positives if you can.

Take care & good luck.

Sumguy...

You know what mistakes you've made and you've said all that you have to say to this girl. Let it lie as it is. There's no use bothering her about it over and over again at this point, and if you do...you will only male yourself look foolish.

Personally, I would move on and date other young women. Go out and have fun! Meet people! This is truely what you should be doing.

If she wants to get back with you, she will come when she is ready and figures out what it is that she wants. In the meantime, you can go out with as many women as you want. If you meet someone that blows you away, your ex will have to find someone else if the time comes. And if you don't meet anyone that knocks your socks off, you will still be ready for her when she comes runnin'!

And women are funny Sumguy...she just may want you because you have a sporty new girl in your life. It wouldn't be the first time that happened!

Vroom, vroom!!

Marko