RomanceClass.com Forums Romance Breaking Up Idk if i shud

Ok well im still with my first bf. Weve been going out for 10 months so far. He does live 45 min away but i see him every weekend and either i sleepover there or he sleeps over here. && everytime im with him i feel like the happiest girl in the world. ALso we buy eachother something each month fo rout anniversary. The first 3 months we went out he broke up with me for aobut 5 days which i belive for another girl that hes never met && never wanted anything to do with me. But then he calls back beggin and crying for me back. He changed ALOT! Now hes the one all close to me ant watnot. Which has led us to sum jealousy issues. If he hangs out with a girl i get xxxxxx cuz im too scared hell break up with me again. && he gets mad when i hang out with guys cuz hes scared ill break up with him this time like all his other gfs did to him. So weve started getting into more fights. He also smokes. which i think is disgusting. So we hada mishap a couple days ago and he pushed me and yelled and cursed at me. Which he does yell and scream at his mom, sister, and brother. His whole attitude changed when his dad died fmro lung cancer last year. Ever since he pushed me or w/e all his friends are not talking to him, hes failing his finals that were both taking this week, and his moms getting aggrivated. So im basically all he has. But its also putting alot of stress on me. Not only do i haveta worry bout my family, frneds, and skool. But i also haveta worry bout his issues to. So im not sure if breaking up with him will calm everythign down or just make it worse. Also my friends are telling me to break up with him to. But he also bought me 5 things at the mall and sent me roses in the mail to make it up to me. But im geting sick of him doing something, apologizeng, doing something, apologizing. Also i tried to break up with him a couple days ago and he was crying and throwing up. He tells me theres no other girl that he just wants me to be all his and nothing differnt. Whcih scares me on what he might do if i do break up with him. I also no that if i do break up with him, that i will be awfully upset and prolly will regret it. && i do love him i just think he loves me WAAY too much. But if its for the best then ill do it. Ugh. Im just so confused idk wat to do. Plz help me.

<3 Shelby

Just because he buys you things doesn't always mean he is a good person. But if you break up with him, who knows how mad he will get...

Hi, & welcome.

It sounds, to me, as if this boy has real emotional problems & needs some help. It also sounds as if this is probably more than you can cope with.

I think that he needs counselling ~ possibly grief counselling, since his problems started when he lost his father.

You can be there for him, if that is what you both want, but you cannot take on all his problems or solve them for him.

It sounds as if you are really concerned about him, so maybe you could help him to get the expert support that he needs.

Good luck to you both.

Hi,

Well, as I said before, it sounds as if this boy may have issues ~ possibly related to losing his father. He seems afraid to lose people he loves ~ which makes sense, especially if former girlfriends have let him down.

Anyway ~ one very important thing ~ if there is any possibility of him having STDs, do not sleep with him! I'm not saying that you do or don't, would or wouldn't, I'm just reminding you. Some can be cured and some (eg AIDS) cannot! It is important that he knows this too. If there is any chance that either of you has already contracted something, see a doctor immediately!

If you are going to discuss this story with him, this may be the best approach, because neither of you wants, or wants to pass on, such diseases.

Now, did he do anything with a girl behind your back at a party?
And, if so, what?

Did they chat, cuddle, kiss, have sex?
Was she even there?

Would he remember if he was drunk?
How do you know that he doesn't get drunk?
He sounds emotional ~ maybe he does drink when you are not around?

Were your friends mistaken?
Is someone making things up to try to split you two up?

If so, is it because people are worried about you being in this relationship.

Should you stay with him?
Do you want to?

Can you get some kind of counselling. It sounds as if it might help your boyfriend ~ and you in turn, if you are going to stay with him and support him.

I can really see your worry about ending this relationship. I think that you both need expert advice.

pushing you = not ok
if he has issues that he can't deal with than he needs help. and you're not (and shouldn't be) his therapist. he sounds potentially dangerous, and it sound like he's treated you badly in the past. please do not make the same mistake i did with my ex-boyfriend. get out and know that you're doing the right thing. if he's obsessed, he'll pull every trick out of his hat to get you back--he'll tell you he loves you, that you're his everything, blah blah blah--and trust me, you are going to feel like you're being torn in two--ive been there. but please don't fall for this. if he really loved you he would never even think to lay a finger on you. please don't get caught in the trap that too many other women do. people do change, but very slowly and reluctantly, and if they're disturbed, than they usually don't change at all. do not trust him. i know that this sounds really urgent and it's probably not what you want to hear, but please consider me. i've been where you are and i let it get a lot worse. get out of this relationship now

Someone else has now posted a thread about feeling unable to end a relationship ~ calling it blackmail. It is a difficult and very serious issue. Some subjects are potentially too serious for a forum. This boy needs help, I feel.

Lora may well be right about him, but who knows? You are obviously concerned, or you wouldn't have come to the forum.

Be careful.

Ok theyve tried family therapy, and he goes to a sciciatrist (idk how to spell it lol) && hes still the same. Ever since those rumors started, i lost all my trust for him. I keep telling him, if theres no trust, i dont get y im together with u. && hes like do u love me and im like yea, and hes like && i love you to. Thats y were together. && hes always like I never do anything to get u not to trust me. I just think hes hiding alot of things from me && i worry about wat hes doing CONSTANTLY. idk if its just normal cuz ima girl or wat. && he also lives an hour away so i never no wat hes doing unless we talk on the phone.

Well, only you can decide whether you love & trust him.

Personally, I think that trust is of absolutely paramount importance in a loving relationship. Either he deserves your trust or he doesn't. Either you trust him or you don't. The two may or may not be linked. He may actually deserve your trust, yet you still don't trust him ~ or you may decide to trust him, only to discover that he has lied to you.

I don't know how you find out the truth, but one way or the other a relationship with no trust is going to be difficult to sustain.

I'm glad that he's getting some help. I hope that he benefits from the psychiatrist ~ or is it a psychologist? That's what I would have expected.