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#178154 - 05/06/07 06:36 AM I just really need to know about this...  
Joined: May 2007
Posts: 1
brandon Offline
New Member
brandon  Offline
New Member

Joined: May 2007
Posts: 1 and my girl has been dating over 8 months now...shes 17..18 next month..and im 18..19 in 2 months. I know how crazy the world has gotten and how most girls have turned. I'm one who wants to be mature about a relationship and want to be committed, and i really want that in her. She's a Christian girl..doesn't do anything bad (as far as I know and trust of her). But for some reason I still don't trust her fully. I don't understand why this is, given that shes never done anything wrong that would make me worry that she's cheating or something like that. I've read that maybe it's because of my past experiences with girls that have betrayed me. Every time my girlfriend hangs out with a friend or something..I question her over and over asking "What all did you do?" and "You didn't act wild or do anything bad did you". When i do this, it really stresses her out and it causes arguments..everytime. But I just cant help but ask because I just worry about what she's doing so much. And also when we do sexual things..I always get on my mind that it might turn her bad because she seems to enjoy it a great amount and i jus start worrying that she'd wanna start doing it in general with others...ive even asked her about that and she's swore to God, swore on the bible, swore on my life..that'd she'd never do such a thing to me and that I'm her "one and only". We've talked about her past...she's only dated one other guy..but she claims that didn't work out because she found out he was a "partier". And what kinda gets me is that she told me back about her Freshman year..when she was like 15 or so..she used to go to her friends house where she had an older brother..and she said she had kissed this guy like 3 or 4 times that she went to her friends house..and they weren't dating or anything. She tells me that she and her friends brother we're pretty close so that's why she felt like it wasn't wrong..and she also tells me its because she thought it would be "cool to kiss an older guy"..that just kinda makes me confused. Is there any advice about all of this case?

#178248 - 05/06/07 05:36 PM Re: I just really need to know about this... [Re: brandon]  
Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 1,347
victor Offline
Best Friend
victor  Offline
Best Friend

Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 1,347
My advice is that you are going to lose this girl for sure if you don't start trusting her.
Lets say she is being totally faithful to you - why on earth would she put up with all of your accusations and mistrust?
How long are you going to feel like this?
If you are going to feel like you can't trust her forever then please just put this relationship out of its misery - because you are going to be miserable and you are going to make her miserable.
If you decide you can trust her - then just trust her. A relationship is not complete if the partners do not trust each other. I don't really see that she has done anything particularly shocking in her past. Find me one girl who didn't kiss an older boy when she was 15 - or at least *want* to kiss an older boy when she was 15 - Most girls have, I think. We're talking about kissing here!
Lighten up, man! What does your track record look like with girls - is it as pristine as hers is with guys?
As an aside - I would suggest in the future not to go prying too much into previous relationships with your future GF. It's one thing to ask if somebody might be at risk for having an STD - I can respect that (although you should protect yourself regardless). But we all have a history by some point - whether it is a prior relationship, secret crushes or wild escapades- and you are looking for a fight, hurt feelings, and mistrust if you start prying too much. Respect your partners privacy and her past. This particlar GF of yours sounds like she has been very honest with you -- and look at the price she has paid for doing so!

Anyways - sounds to me the problem lies with you, not with her.
I'd seriously think about some counseling - because I think you have some trust issues that have to deal more with you than with your girl friend - so do both of you a favor and get some help.

#178474 - 05/06/07 11:06 PM Re: I just really need to know about this... [Re: victor]  
Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 22,697
PDM Offline
PDM  Offline

True Blue Soulmate

Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 22,697

I agree with Victor.

It sounds as if you have found a lovely girl who cares for you, but you could lose her.

Trust is extremely important in a relationship, and she has given you no reason to doubt her. You have some issues from the past. Deal with them so that they don't affect the present & the future. Get some counselling if you can.

And remember, teenage years are difficult. You are a young man, but you have, so far, only had the experience of being a child or teenager. It's all a learning experience. Stop being so hard on your girlfriend and yourself. Enjoy yourselves and be happy that you have found a nice girl, who you care for & who cares for you.

Good luck!

"The secret of success is constancy to purpose" - Benjamin Disraeli.

Moderated by  Lisa Shea 

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