Thanks for all the replies. Your advice and words have really helped me and gives me a sense of support that makes me feel better. I have been getting help with the issues I struggle with. I have gotten on medicine and meeting with counselors through this hard time in my life.
"joandboys"...i just wanted to clear up the ultimatum as you put it. Though it does come across that way and I guess is in a way with how I dealt with the situation. I did it because the thing I struggle with the most is OCD (with my thoughts)....it was too hard for me to be friend and was more of a way I guess to make it easier for myself. The medicine has made a night and day difference and I'm very thankful for that.
As far as my current situation. I didn't talk to my ex for about 2 weeks until she emailed me. When I heard from her I responded back to her soon after and started talking to her on the phone. I have never heard her so ..... and angry/frustrated. We went to dinner one night and everything went fine. She told me to stay in touch and call her. So I did just that and the second day when she picked up she was ..... again. Saying that she doesn't know why I'm calling and wanting to be friends. She said that she doesn't want to lead me on and doesn't see the point of being friends. Well that hit me hard so my roommate convinced me to talk to her again and get a yes or no for her and ask "do you want me part of your life and see yourself with me down the road"...this way I would have sometime and act on it. I didn't know if it was the right thing to do or if I should give her more time and keep trying. So I called her and told her how I feel about her and asked her the question. Not only did she say no and that she wanted to move on and wasn't in love with me anymore...but she said it with almost anger and like I was annoying her.
It's just hard on me because here I am totally in love with someone that I would marry and spend the rest of my life doing whatever it takes to make our relationship work. Not only did I give her my whole heart but I truly believed her when she told me that she loved me and wanted to be with me forever. What bothers my now is that there are so many questions unanswered that doesn't make sence. Like when did she stop loving me and why. I never did an unforgivable act to make her stop loving me. I hurt so bad and know that time will heal that I deserve someone to appreciate my love...but I still want her. I don't want to love her anymore but can't help it. I'm finally moving on because I have no other choice. She is so frustrated, angry almost at our relationship...I can't have a conversation with her anymore with it not getting heated on her part. She is the one that is so angry and doesn't seem like the same girl I fell in love with. Why would she have agreed to go to dinner with me after I tell her that I still love and miss her....then tell me that she doesn't even want to be friends/hang out. I guess I finally know the worst and rock bottom of heartbreak. It's the hardest thing I have ever gone through and can only go up from here! The end I guess....again I appreciate your words and support.
Last edited by PDM; 12/12/08 09:06 AM.
