She's just so ambiguous

Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Male
Sorry, this might get long. First the girl, we'll call her R. She's kinda complicated and she got messed up by an old flame, now she doesn't like letting people get close to her. Last March I met this girl (A) and over a few weeks we spoke a lot and became friends and I thought she liked me cos she was flirting a lot, however I didn't go too far since the summer was coming up and we'd be seperating for a few months (university) but while we hung around at uni there was one of her friends (R) who used to tag along a lot but I never really spoke to cos I was more interested in A. One night when I was out R started to talk to me a bit and she asked for my number, I gave it to her. Then the next day she (R) started texting me and after that I really am sure that she liked me. I, however, was still after A although I eventually found out that she'd had a boyfriend all along and just neglected to mention him, turns out all the flirting was just because she's a bit of a clown and does this to everyone. A then went home for the holidays but R stayed in the city for another month, since most of my friends had left I hung out with R a couple of times, problem is that each time I was drunk and, alcohol being the depressant and all, started to moan about being madly in love with R. Self-absorbed and all I didn't really care that this may be bothering R, I was just ignorant of it. My housing arrangement for the next semester had fallen apart and I somehow ended up moving in with her and her best friend.

Things progressed over the next few months, I got over A quickly and became good friends with both A and R. Unfortunately somewhere along the line I realised that I liked R a lot more than I'd previously thought. Anyway I figured, I live with her so I'm just gonna have to grin and bare it since it'd never work. She started seeing some guy around mid-December and as usual I got insanely jealous. Then about a week later I was out eating with the two and A complimented me about something and I remember R saying under her breath to her "That's cos he's in love with you", I got the impression it was a resentful remark. Now a couple of weeks ago R had to move out of our house due to money troubles but she still lives quite nearby and drives to uni, so I see her at least three times a week anyway, and now I don't live with her anymore I say this puts her up for grabs.

She's definitely my closest female friend and I pretty sure I'm probably her closest male friend so I don't wanna lose her but I'm getting really mixed signs from her. It's almost like we've become even closer now, she gives me a lot of attention and occasionally strokes my shoulder, and we're often getting physically close to each other. But then her best friend (my housemate) just told me that R's finally admitted that her and the guy are now boyfriend-girlfriend and she said she was coming to the city to go out tonight but then said she was tired and has to be up early (though that is reasonable considering she has uni at 9am and has to sort out her horses before then).

I just don't know, with her issues she's not gonna drop me many signs. Sometimes I'm certain she likes me and other times it's vice-versa, so much of this stuff could be accounted on her just being friendly. I also wonder whether she likes me but thinks I still like A, or maybe I'm just pestering her with the attention. She's a lovely, sweet girl but she's just so ambiguous. Advice
She is ambiguous because you haven't told her that you care about her but she can probably sense it.

Now she has a boyfriend so you are out of luck for the time being anyway.

There is nothing wrong with telling her you have feelings for her now so she will have you in her mind in case things fall apart with her boyfriend.

Meanwhile stay very close friends with her and hope for the best.

Good luck! George

-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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