How can I find out if he's cheating

Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
I read through some of the questions, but they didn't seem to hit home. My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years, known eachother for about 5. I was his first in just about everything, including first kiss, that was when we met though. He's a good looking guy, smart, really funny, all around what most girls want. He goes to college away from home and he's in a frat, there's a lot of girls there, really slutty ones too. I've seen them hit on him and try to grab at him, it makes me REALLY upset, especailly when he 'forgets' to introduce me and there's like 10 girls coming up hugging him and I feel like I'm invisable! This is actually 2 questions, maybe 3 depending on how you'd answer them. Lately I've been having some medical problems, still waiting to know what's wrong with me and if I can even have kids. We're both 21 too. He has a drinking problem and an anger problem, but soon he's starting therapy for those. Lately he says he loves me when I'm there and that he wants to be there for me, but when I'm not around, I can't get ahold of him at all, and I am a jealous person, I freak out easily too. He tells me he'll talk to me a certain time or the next day, then he never calls and I can't get ahold of him, so a couple times I drive up to his college if I'm really upset and need someone to talk to. He gets mad at me for this, coming up unexpected, but I don't see why, shouldn't he be happy to see me? I know I would be, unless I was cheating on him and he ruined that, but I'd NEVER do that to him, he means the world to me! I guess my questions are, how can I not be so jealous, or at least try to control it a bit? Do you think he's cheating? How can I find out if he's cheating when he's away at college? Thanks a lot, I REALLY need some advice on this! I'm sorry it's so long, but I wanted to tell you everything so you could answer with better knowledge. Advice
Fighting jealousy is a tough thing to do.

Ideally you would respond to jealous thoughts with boredom... saying "I go away you don't bother me." That way your adrenaline wouldn't start to flow. But most people can't respond that way. Their adrenaline starts flowing and they get more and more upset. In that case, try fighting the jealousy as an enemy. Say to the jealous thoughts "go away, he loves me and would never cheat!" If you do this 100 times the jealous thoughts will eventually give up and leave you alone.

I don't know if he is cheating and you probably would never find out. Fight these thoughts and defeat them.

For more advice see:

Good luck! George

-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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