How can I keep me in her mind and make her come to me???

Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Male
My girlfriend of 7 months broke up with me on new years eve for no apparent reason. I met her when I was teaching English in Venezuela over the summer and we fell in love and have been doing the long distance thing for the last 4 months because I am in grad school. I visited her twice and she came to the states once and we had planned for her to come out here permneantly in jan-Feb so we could date and hopefully get married. I called her every day and always sent her flowers, choclates, and hand written letters. She has always recieved a lot of opposition with regaurd to me and coming to the states. Her mom and brothers didnt want her to go because she is the only one working. she is 25 and still lives with her mom and little sister and brother. When she broke up with me she said that she just didnt feel the same way about me and could not figure out why. the feeling was not there. I said she was just scared and crumbled under the family pressure. she said she didnt know but she just didnt love me anymore. I cried like a baby, and could not stop so she said we should talk about it later and that she was sorry. a week went by and I called her again and she had been thinking about me alot but was still convinced that she did not feel the same but suggested that maybe she should visit me in the states. I said that it would be a great idea!! I then wanted a date, when would this be because if she flaked on this why would not she slake on the visit. Then she just pulled back. Every time I pushed for her to come here or I said that I should go there she just got angry adn say that she didnt know or wasnt sure and would say things like it just wont work, when it was working fine.I am so in love with her, I offered to get a differment for my studeis and go out there for a year to get to know each other, or that she didnt have to move to the states but she would not go for any of it. She also said that she did want to live in the states with me but she just could not leave her home right now was too many differences between us all of which was a lie. she was just scared becuase she had not left home ever. I had booked a flight and cancelled it when I told her that I was willing to do whatever it took to resolve this and she said dont because I dont. I then cancelled my flight. I know she loves me. Well almost a month passed by and I had to get some closure, so I called her best friend who works in the same building but a different office and asked her what she had said. we got talking for about 15 minutes and guess who walked in. she handed over the phone and we spoke and she said that everyone had been asking about me and that she had had a dream about me, we laughed alot and cried alot, she said that she did love me and when I asked what was it that had hapened she said she thought it was the date. She felt really rushed and was not sure and just felt rushed and her parents are divorced and she does not want to fail and she feels that if she went down there it would be almost certain that she would be pressured to get married and all or whatever. SO I told her that I woould not pressure her at all and just chill. My friend called her on tuesday and she told him that she still loves me and he told me on wednsday and told me to call her.I called her and we talked but she was not ready to tell me everything that she told my friend. But we enjoyed talking. I sent her a letter I had written her on on thursday and she called me and we talked again and I called her today and she wants me to call her tomarrow. what do I do. I would do anything to get her back but I just dont want to be the lame guy she calls when she is lonely. I know that she has not gone out with anyone else nor is looking. I have been counseled to just chill and enjoy talking to her. for there is nothing more I can do and things will happen. That is very hard. Patience, I'm told, I must learn it. I just think Im in a good positiion but I am still 5000 miles away.
How can I keep me in her mind and make her come to me??? Advice
You have done everything possible and more.

She says she loves you but won't come and visit or let you visit her.

I think the advice you have been given is right on the nose. Relax and let this come to you. It seems like a battle of the wills is going on with her. You are winning in some ways but not the important ones.

Your best chance is for you to permanently move down there once you graduate.

I doubt she will ever want to move away from her family and country to live in a strange place. Engagements are longer in South America than up here so she doens't feel that she knows you well enough nor does her mother.

Good luck! George

-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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