Drug use, alcohol, and racism

Visitor's Question from a 31-40 year old Male
I am trying to find a delicate way to break things off with my ex. Yes, my ex.

It is a precarious situation because we share a daughter that she has introduced to me for the first time a few months ago, and I am building a relationship with this child.

To be brief, Six years ago, this woman and I had a relationship, I was married at the time, to my now ex wife. At the time my exwife and I were seperated, and unkown to me this woman became pregnant. This woman and I developed some feelings for each other, and though I was confused, decided to return home to my then wife, and two children. This woman was very hurt.

Present day, she sends me a letter, I am now seperated from my exwife, explaining that my daughter would love to meet me. So I called her, and discussed this, established that paternity would be neccesary, and that I was excited at this news. She began to call me all the time to talk, and finally came out and just asked me for a sexual relationship, which I indulged. This brought back alot of old feelings on both sides of the fence. It developed really quickly, and I was sure that I had found love. I was wrong, after a short period of time (few months) she then turned cold on me, I suspected that she was messing around with someone else. I begain to see alot of faults in her that I did not see due to love covering my eyes, very detrimental things such as drug use, alcohol, and racisim.

During this time I have begun to establish a relationship with my new daughter, who I love dearly, and that paternity proved me to be the father. I care deeply for this woman, and want her to be happy, and even more for our daughter.

We are now just supposed to be friends, however she continues to leave suggestions that she wants much more, then when my heart starts to feel, she bails and runs off with whoever is her flavor, or showing her attention at the time. I know that she is merely keeping me on a leash, and that this is not good for me. I want to maintain the friendship, and move on with my dating life, but I am afraid that it will affect the friendship, and moreover, this woman saying that I cannot see my daughter anymore.

Quite a predicument, and suggestions would be helpful.

RomanceClass.com Advice
You are in a delicate position.

You don't want to be in a heavy relationship with your ex but you do want to see your daughter over whom your ex has control.

Presumably you are also worried about the environment that your daughter will be raised in.

My advice is to stay friends with her. To do this you must take control of your heart and don't become attracted to her again. You must do this to be certain your daughter gets the best upbringing possible.

Good luck! George

-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com

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