I don't want to keep him from doing things he wants to do
Visitor's Question from a 16-20 year old Female
forgive me if this is long:
my boyfriend has never had much experience with girls before and i was his first girlfriend .we broke up after going out for 10 months- i cheated on him and he knew but still stayed with me until i called it off... then we got back together in december- after i had gotten really depressed and self destructive over him, feeling like i wanted another chance to prove myself to him and correct what a terrible thing i had done.
ever since then, we've been rocky. i have been working on myself alot and do not get self destructive anymore and i haven't been depressed anymore because of my own accord... the thing is he recently (a month ago) met this girl who just broke up with her boyfriend and has been calling and hanging around her now (he went to her hourse after seeing a movie with me) and she even asked him to go to her prom which is being held in march. first off, i think this is a bit strange as she knows he has a girlfriend (me) and they just met and.. she just broke up with her boyfriend!?
my boyfriend asked me how i felt about it and i said i wasn't comfortable with the idea. one thing i want to ask is am i being way over the top here or can i have my doubts within reason? i know trust is important in a relationship- i trust him, he insists they are just "friends" but i dont trust this girl he still hangs around with. i also want him to go and explore after being involved with me for a year and graduating highschool this year anyways but its painful for me which is my other question:
i'm really confused, looking back at our past and why we got together. he took me back when i was extremely self destructive so that i "couldn't" hurt myself.. and i was just too jealous over him. but he insisted he wanted me back too so i was okay with that. but now that i look at us, i dont want to keep him from doing things he wants to do but i also dont want to be jealous over him. how can i lay off these jealousy feelings? he wants to be her friend and has displayed a great attachment to her, telling me it feels like he's known her for years and etc. making me really uneasy.
or should i just move on? even then though, do you think i'm going to be jealous of all my next boyfriends? how can i stop it altogether?
Perhaps the solution for your self destructiveness and your jealousy is for you to forgive yourself for cheating.
Until you truly forgive yourself, it will be hard for you to build the trust that is necessary for a good relationship.
Although from what you say, you seem to be a trusting person. You are allowing your boyfriend to have a friendship with another girl. You are right that she shouldn't have asked him to the prom and he shouldn't go with her unless you think it is ok.
One way to get rid of jealousy is to fight it whenever it appears in your thoughts. Tell it that it is wrong and to go away. Do this 100 times and it is likely that the jealousy will give up trying to bother you.
Good luck! George
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com