She saw me going nowhere in life

Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Male
Hello, I could really use your advice right now. I broke up with my girlfriend four months ago after a near 2 year relationship. She still works with me a couple times a week and we get along awesome when we talk. She has a boyfriend and she has moved on, but I'm still single and don't seem to be finding a girl anytime soon. I feel like by being around my ex, even though we get along great, I'm just mentally hurting myself and not allowing myself to move on with my life. I am completely disgusted with myself at this point and feel it's time for dramatic changes.

I'm currently looking for a new part-time job, and when I get one, I want to completely cut off all contact with my ex for at least 3-4 months. I want to regain my confidence, get back in shape, start doing good in school again, and basically become everything I wasn't when I was with her. My "quitters" attitude is what made her fall out of love with me in the first place because she saw me going nowhere in life and couldn't picture a future with me. She still looks at me in that same way now and even jokes about how I quit everything that requires any type effort. It really hurts when she says it, but I'm using the "painfully honest" criticism as the fuel to push me to become better.

I feel I need to find a sense of direction and I want the confidence to start looking for other girls to see if there is someone out there better fit for me. After a long period of silence, I want to email my ex back and ask her how everything is. I think she will be blown away if she sees how my life has changed, and I'll try my best to pursue a friendship with her from there and see where it goes. If we never get back together, at least my life will be progressing so I'll be more likely to meet somebody new. My main goal is to just accept that there are no guarantees in life and just finally allow myself to start focusing on my life now, so that I can have a brighter future.

Do you think this is smart or too drastic and not well planned out? I just feel I need to do this to get past her or else I'm going to be sitting here miserable another 4 months down the road. Thanks for your help. Advice
This is a confusing situation.

She criticizes you for being a quitter and now you are going to quit your current job and quit talking to her. You may be doing the right thing, but you should think it over carefully and see if it falls into the quitter category or not.

Definitely do the other things you mentioned like doing better at school. This will show her that you are attempting to take charge of your life.

Good luck! George

-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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