She Went to the Movies with her Ex

Visitor's Question from a 13-15 year old Male
Does my girlfriend love me because she's going to the cinema with her ex and she wasn't going to tell me. I found out from her best mate. My girlfriend friend says their just mates but i don't know whether to believe her. Advice
There are two different things here. First is her love for you. That is its own emotion and shouldn't have anything to do with what she does or how she feels about others. So only you and she know how she feels about you.

The second thing is her going to the movies with her ex without telling you. First, it's fine to be friends with an ex. Tons of people are and it's really a wonderful thing. It would be a shame to lose the good friend you have in the ex just because it didn't work out romantically.

However, your current boyfriend should always be your *best friend*, the one you tell everything to, the one that you are totally honest and trustworthy with. Yes, you have other friends, including exs. But for her to go out with her ex without telling you isn't being honest. I'm not saying she has to report in every 10 seconds with "I'm going to the restrooms" or "I'm going to paint my toenails."

But something like "I'm going out to the movies without you" is something you'd normally let a boyfriend know about! What if you tried to call her when she was out because something important happened in your life? Part of being a boyfriend-girlfriend couple is that you keep each other in mind and let each other know what you're doing. To just go AWOL for a bunch of hours - regardless of who it's with - isn't very nice. And to do it with an ex makes it even more suspicous. It makes you wonder if she WOULD have told you if it was someone else she went with - but she DIDN'T tell you because of who it was. And people with nothing to hide don't need to hide things.

I'd sit down with her and have a talk. Relationships should be about honesty and trust. Her sneaking off with an ex is abusing that trust. It's not that she CAN'T see her ex. It's not that she CAN'T go to a movie! But why would she want to hide these things? As a woman who cares for her boyfriend (i.e. you), why wouldn't she naturally want to let you know where she was and what she was doing, out of love and care for you and out of a general sense of sharing what was going on in her life?

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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