I miss him alot and hope we stay close friends
Visitor's Question from a 16-20 year old Female
Hello, I have contacted you before on the topic of my ex boyfriend. If you remember we were together for 2 years, he broke up with me 2 and a half months ago. We were arguing quite often and he says the reason he left me was a particular argument where I hurt him alot, I won't go into details but I was awful. We've stayed friends although its been difficult for both of us, I felt very angry and bitter that he left, but still loved and do love him dearly. He started dating a new girl just a few days after we broke up, I was devistated. He is still with her and I know he likes her, but he has also said to me many times that he doesn't love her, that she doesn't mean that much to him etc.
On new years eve me and my ex were at the same party. He got very drunk which is very out of character for him. I was worried about him and ended up looking after him for alot of the night. He was very upset about alot of things in his past and to do with his family. He told me he's scared of people he loves leaving and dying. His mum left when he was a child and I know this really affected him. He accused me of leaving him, when its him who left. He said I effectively left him when I hurt him. When I convinced him that it was him who left, he cried and said how could he leave someone he loves, and who is so nice. He said he had everything before we broke up and now hes unhappy. He said I ruined everything and he loves me. He said I'm the nicest person he ever met and probably the nicest he ever will meet, that I understand him better than anyone, but he can't be with me because I hurt him.
He was also upset that he can't say 'I love you' to his girlfriend because he doesnt, he said he knows what love feels like because he felt it for me and he doesnt feel it for her now. Sometimes he would shout at me, yell at me to leave, at one point he was shouting at someone so I pulled him away into a room to stop him making an fool of himself and he said he was worried I was trying to sleep with him! Which is ridiculous. He'd come out with these horrible things but then he'd need me again and say he loved me.
A male friend of a friend who I talk to was at the party, he has a thing for me and we get on well. When my ex found out he liked me he shouted at him and threatened him, people had to convince them not to fight! Which again is VERY out of character for my ex, but he was very drunk. After a while he started to feel worse for wear, I took care of him, he got sick and I stayed with him, brought him water etc. I felt awful for him and didn't want him to make a fool of himself. He looked at me and said 'you really care about me don't you' I laughed and said 'yes, and I'm going to look after you whether you like it or not!' We seemed to get on well. But then as he sobered up I didnt feel needed anymore and we didnt speak so much. Also I felt like I couldnt talk to my ex or this other guy who likes me without causing tension, so I talked to some different ppl altogether.
The next morning my ex apologised. He said he didn't remember much and so I have no idea if he does still love me, or if he remembers saying it. I think he does but he's still hurt. He thanked me for looking after him, but I dont think he realises how much of my night I sacraficed for him. We'v talked by txt alot since, and a bti on IM. We're meeting up on thursday, with some friends, and I can't wait to see him. I feel we're closer, and it sounds awful but I guess I feel better that he still needs me even if we're not together anymore. He did scare me though, it was all so out of character and he said hed not been the same since the break up, that hes upset alot and its affecting his studying, and even that hes scared hes going mad.
I miss him alot and hope we stay close friends. I would get back with him in a second, if I had to look after him all my life I would! I think hes beginning to see how much I've matured since we broke up, and maybe someday he'll forgive me for hurting him or realise that I'd never deliberately cause him harm. He knows how much I care now.
I'm confused now. Does he still love me? If so is that enough? Is that reason to have hope? I want to stay good friends with him and hopefully build towards getting back together. I don't know why he is still with his girlfriend but the fact that he is makes it very hard for me.
We've been seeing each other about once a week, and txting and talking on instant messenger most days, and I really want this to continue when we're back at uni, but I feel more shy of contacting him when I know she might be there.
What do you think I should do? Should I talk to him about wht he said that night or not? And should I talk to him about meeting up on a more regular basis, so that its not always me chasing him? Thanks x
You should talk with him about the night he got drunk.
Tell him how you feel about him and try to get him to do the same (while sober). He needs to be reassured that you would not leave him. That is probably the most important thing to him regarding you.
Also tell him you get the feeling you are chasing him and what can be done to change that aspect of your relationship.
Based on what he said while he was drunk (and the truth usually comes out at that time) you and he should probably get back together.
Good luck! George
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com