She's Still in the Rebound Stage

Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Male
well for the ast month or so i have been talking to this girl and we get along pretty well. i dont know if this is a good thing but everytime i talk to her she seems shy and its been a month we've known each other so she should feel comfortable. her friends always tell me that she likes me alot and wants to get to know me better.

Before i started talking to her she just broke up with her bf. then last week her and her ex were at a party holding hands and kissing and all that. the next day i found out that she wasnt over her ex yet. so now im kinda confused, should i keep pursuing her or just try and get over her? i like her alot and i dont want to get hurt. Advice
One of the most important things to learn about relationships is that there is a "rebound stage" after each relationship ends. It's sort of the way your brain deals with the breakup (or I suppose doesn't deal with it). It's a VERY confusing time. You miss your ex. You hate your ex. You don't want to be alone. It's "easy" to be with your ex. Being with your ex reminds you of how much fun you had. Being with your ex reminds you of how insanely angry he could make you.

So I doubt she's playing games with you. She probably does like you and like talking to you. And it sounds like she's still confused about her ex.

I would always start out by being friends with someone. A friendship is important and can be incredibly wonderful even if other things don't work out. No matter how she feels about her ex, if she's still in her rebound you should NOT be trying to get close to her anyway. A relationship that forms on the rebound is one that is often broken up later on, because she figures "Oh I was just rebounding, it wasn't real." So be there for her as a FRIEND while she figures this out. Hopefully she will realize, as most people do, that she and her ex broke up for a reason. And just because it's "easy" to go back to him sometimes, it doesn't make it right. It takes serious work to get through issues that caused two people to call it quits. Most people aren't willing to put in that work. If they were, they wouldn't have called it quits in the first place. So be friends with her, talk with her about how she is feeling, and let her get through this stage.

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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