Dating an Engaged Woman

Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Male
I am in total 100 % deep love with this girl. I have known her for 3 years and we write each other notes often. We went to prom togather and she enticed me to kiss her for the first time in a Public library and thats when i knew i was in love with her. THe problem is she has a fiance when she was 16 and she still does and now she is 18. He comes and goes to Italy and when he is gone it is like she comes to me for attention. She even is the girl who agreed to lose my virginity with.

The problem is she is very flirtatous with other guys but more serious with me. When i hang out with her, her fiance's friends always bully me and tell me to stay away from her but she always tells them to leave me alone and i just ignore them. In a note she wrote me i finally told her my true feelings and in response she wrote back saying " I am in more than just love with you, and if i want with my fiance you would more than likely be my last and final love."

She lets me rub on her thighs and rub on her back really sensualy in school. She told me i am very lucky because she doesnt let other guys kiss her. Somedays i feel really depressed like love sickness knowing that i cant really have her because she is engaged and her fiance treats her bad sometimes not alot.

What should i do, should we finally have sex to ease both our love for another. Does she even like me or is she playing head games with me? What do i do ? Do i ignore her totaly or do we both continue to flirt. THe flirting is eating at me thoe it hurts so bad knowing we cant be togather i get so depressed somedays . Please help me what do i do ????? What are your opinions on the situation???? Advice
This girl is *engaged* to marry another man. You're talking about sleeping with her. That doesn't say very much about her level of commitment. Either she has promised herself to this other guy or she hasn't. For her to be kissing other guys and perhaps sleeping with them means she doesn't have much respect for promises she makes, or commitments she makes. If she doesn't want to be with this other guy, she should tell him so and break it off. If she DOES want to be with him, she should not be seducing you and contemplating sleeping with you.

Sex NEVER "eases your love". It INTENSIFIES the connection between two people. So the last thing you want to do right now is involve sex in this. She needs to make a decision. She is 18. She is an adult. Adults don't use guys like this. Right now she is using her fiance AND she is using you. She uses you for comfort when he's not around. She uses him as a "safety net" because "she can always marry him" if nothing else good shows up locally. That's just not right.

She has to decide. It's one of those things about growing up. You make decisions and you stand by them. Obviously she hasn't decided until now because her "Decision" to marry this guy hasn't shown any even remote level of follow-through.

So either she decides she IS going to marry him and start respecting that commitment, or she decides she is NOT going to marry him and tells him that. YOU need to know how she feels and HE needs to know that too. For her to keep playing her games is completely unfair to both of you.

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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