Divorcee and freshman
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Male
i have been seeing a married woman for about 9 months. it was just about sex for a long time, really until she got divorced about two months ago. last month, we got really close--too close, too fast for a recently divorced woman. we decided to back off, because she needs to be free for a while. i told her that we would have to go back to being just sexual partners and friends. also, i told her that a "don't ask, don't tell" policy towards "seeing" other people was probably appropriate. i knew someone was going to get hurt.
about 6 months ago, i met another woman, a college freshman who is still a virgin. while the married woman was still married, the freshman and i started playing around. we never have had intercourse, but we have done nearly everything else.
just a couple of days ago, the freshman came home from college for christmas break. i didn't tell the divorcee that i was going to see the freshman. the freshman and i went out christmas shopping and ate dinner earlier this week. when we got back to my place, i wanted to take a nap. i texted the divorcee to see what she was up to, saying i was going to nap and then come out. a friend of mine was at my place when i arrived with the freshman, and he told the divorcee that the freshman was there. the freshman napped with me (we did have a little play time)...
long story short--i love the divorcee, but we aren't together. when she heard that i was hanging out with the freshman, she flipped out, calling me a liar (i did lie--i told her that the freshman and i had only taken a nap... i shouldn't have done that...) and saying we would never be together and i would never touch her again. i thought that we had our relationship worked out... sexual partners and friends until such time that she could be in a committed relationship with me. i suppose that she wanted more, even though this is not what she said. she has been sending me mixed signals for months now. i am so confused about what she wants. if she wants to be with me, i will be with her...
she hasn't spoken to me for two days. she is very angry. i want to tell her that if i had known how she felt, then i would have never done anything to hurt her. i didn't mean to hurt her at all. i thought this was how she wanted things. (it was never how i wanted things to be... but i understood her needs.)
how do i get her to understand?
Just tell her what you told me.
Over and over if necessary.
Your story is a simple one but it will take her a bit to fully understand it. Just stick with her until she is over this.
Good luck! George
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com