Our relationship is on-again, off-again
Visitor's Question from a 13-15 year old Male
im 15 years old and theres this girl in my music classes that im really anxious about
last year, 2001 - 2002, there was this girl who i acutally liked a long time before 2001, but she hated my guts. But then, For that 1 year, we were going out, but didnt go out too much, only about 5 times or so (but we both knew without ever saying it that we really liked each other a lot). Then in the summer, suddenly, she sed that "its not that she doesnt like me or anything, but its just that she just wants to be friends for now..."
Then comes school year 2002 - 2003, everything falls out of place. She looks at me less and so do i. THen i go to her school dance and i find her dancing with this guy she invited from some other school for 3 hours. late that night, i dance with her friend for about 3 minues, and then the next morning at music classes, she complains to all her friends that i was grinding with her friend (which isnt really a lie, but then wasnt she dancing with this other guy for 3 hours?)
so then comes somehow we start arguing since christmas and wen i see her come online i cant talk to her, nor can she talk to me... its almost like were playing a game of "who will crack first and message the other." Its really weird.. during music classes, she cant look at me and i cant either, we try to avoid each other, but then once in a while i see her glancing at me.
So anyway, now its April, and just today, after 3 months of no contact even though classes keep going, and 2 weeks of almost hate mail, we are forced to rehearse together because we were performing in a concert, and during our rehearsel, she wasnt mad and was all smilely and stuff.. and for the first time since september, she looked into my eyes and i did so too and it was almost weird, but somehow, i guess that she still liked me even though during christmas she sed she was going out with this other guy. (BTW during christmas she also knew i was going out with this other girl too) And so today after our performace we walked quietly to the subway together, and it was so silent and i glanced over at her and i noticed that she just switched her glance at that instant from me to other people on the street.
my question is i want to tell her that i i never stopped liking her a lot, and im pretty sure that she did too, but how can i know that she likes me? Should i ask her friends? or ask her?
Playing games where you refuse to talk to each other isn't a good sign - that's a completely destructive thing in a relationship, and it's also not good for friends either! If you are even slightly concerned about another person, game-playing is the last thing you should do. Yes it might "hurt your pride" to be the one to talk first. But you know, life is pretty short. Pride is a pretty silly reason to hurt another person and hurt yourself. There are many, many people who look back in life and say "I wish I talked to her." There are very few people who look back in life and say "I wish I had played games with her and hurt her".
So anyway, turn over a new leaf. Especially if you really do want to be with her again, make a resolution NOT to play games with her, and to TALK about things when they bother you. These are CRITICAL to making sure the relationship works. So start now. The next time you see her, say hi. Don't go into a five-hour-long discussion. But show her you're willing to talk. Say hi and bye and start small. She'll probably talk back and soon you'll be talking again. Offer to take her to a movie you know she'll enjoy, just as friends. Build up that trust and friendship again. That is the CORE to any good relationship. And hopefully this time around you guys will talk better with each other!
-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com