My Jealousy is Destroying Us

Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
Hi, I'm basically extremely jealous of my boyfriend to the ponit where it drives me crazy. I know that jealousy is hurtful to the relationship, but I cannot help feelin the way I do. He tells me that he loves me all the time, and I do believe me, but sometimes I fear that his love will change and that he will find someone (not necessarily better than me), but that he likes more. I constantly fear this. Whenever I see him look at a girl's butt, I get so jealous. I know that my jealousy might be due to my own fears and imagination, but the truth is that I cannot stand him looking at someone else that way. He is extremely friendly and girls love him. It makes me so jealous that it makes me want to cry. I can't calm myself down and I always retain a vivid memory of when he was checking someone else out. I know it sound stupid. For example, I was crying the other night because he told me that he hadn't gone home that day. He stayed at the dorm with his friend at school. He also told me that he was teaching people how to dance. I know that they were girls and that kills me. Once again, I know it sounds insignificant, but it bothered me so much. Also, before being my boyfriend, he was trying to ask this girl out. She's my friend and I respect her, but I am so jealous of her. She's extremely beautiful and she wears really revealing clothing. Sometimes I see him looking at her. I get so angry, it kills me. I belittles me. I know that it may be insignificant, but the truth is that he has looked at other girls. What does this mean? Am i not good enough for him? DO i need ot grow a bigger butt or something? I lnoe I need help. Please help me. Advice
Ah, you say you "cannot help feeling the way you do". But you can! It's not EASY. But it is POSSIBLE. Thousands of people have felt just as jealous as you do - and have changed because their relationship was important to them. Of course, thousands of others simply kept being jealous, and their relationships self destructed. So it is completely in your hands if you want to handle your jealousy or not. NOBODY else can do this for you. Your boyfriend cannot fix your jealousy. A voodoo doll cannot fix your jealousy. Only you can, by working daily on changing how you handle your life.

I have an on line course on dealing with jealousy -

If you seriously want your relationship to last and to be happy, you HAVE to fix this, starting now, and working on it every day. It is your BRAIN that is causing this anger, jealousy and envy. Only in your BRAIN can you change you you react to these situations.

You have to stop trying to "fix" the things you get envious over. It has NOTHING to do with your butt size or anything else. He loves you. That isn't going to change because other people are pretty or smart or rich or anything else. Love is about trust and honesty. So you have to accept that, accept that he loves you AS YOU ARE. If something makes you jealous you have to FIX THE JEALOUSY. If you run around trying to be sexier, smarter, richer, cuter than every other girl on the planet you are going to be miserable and alone - because no guy will deal with the constant headache. Accept him, accept the relationship, accept his love, and if you start to feel jealous, look that jealousy straight in the eye and say YOU HAVE NO PLACE IN MY RELATIONSHIP. Believe me, it goes away if you want it to.

It's not easy. But you really have to do this if you want to be happy.

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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