Sowing my Wild Oats

Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
I've been dating my boyfriend for almost eight months and I am completely in love with him. We've talked about moving in with each other and so many other future plans, which I feel comfortable with. But I have always felt anxiety about not having more sexual experiences. I want to 'sow my wild oats'. I have lashed out at him because he has had the same sexual experiences that I desire, but never had. So I guess it is jealousy for not having the same opportunities. How do I get over this jealousy and desire. I just want to go out and have fun, and I don't feel that I am ready for such a committed relationship at 23. But I don't want to sacrifice something that is wonderful. How do I deal with these feelings? What do I do? Advice
The MTV generation has been raised to believe that they should do everything humanly possible before "settling" for one guy. Until recently, women AND men were proud to treasure their bodies and their souls, and wait for that one special person with which to learn about all of the wonders of life.

While I'm not a prude, why does it matter if he has done different things than you have until now? If it's a game, then you will never be satisfied. There will always be more guys you could sleep with, more situations you could be in, more toys to try, more locations to be wild in. It's a never-ending barrage. If you try to play the "You slept with 30 people, I only slept with 20" then what is to say that the next 10 you sleep with will be of any interest? A relationship is about love and respect - it's not about letting X number of people touch your genitals.

Life is NOT a game. One of the most supreme joys you can ever have in life is finding someone with which you are truly happy. Many people in life end up alone and never find a happy mate. It gets harder as the years go on. Many people miss out on their soulmate and end up with someone that is "OK" but they have to work on constantly to be happy with. Is sleeping around with guys because "you want to prove you're free" worth it if in 5-10 years you are sitting alone in your bedroom wondering which dating service you'll sign up for next? Those dating services are getting rich for a reason. Finding a great match is NOT easy.

Either you're happy with this guy or you aren't. If you're not happy, admit it and go out to find someone you ARE happy with. If you ARE happy with this guy, just what are you looking for? Are you saying that sleeping around with strangers is more fun than adventuring with your soulmate at your side? If so, then it sounds like your priorities might not be on the things that really matter in life ...

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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