He's Cheating, What should I Do?
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
THE QUESTION i HAVE IS THAT i HAVE BEEN GOING OUT WITH THIS ONE GUY WHO ILL CALL BABYDOLL FOR A LONG TIME ALMOST TWO YEARS AND MY PROBLEM IS THAT SINCE THE GET GO HE HAS NEVER REALLY DONE ANYTHING SPECIAL FOR ME DONT KNOW IF ITS BECAUSE HE DOESNT KNOW HOW TO EXPRESS HIMSELF OR IF HES JUST CAUGHT UP WITH HIMSELF TO NOTICE WHAT I NEED. HE DOES HAVE SOME GOOD QUALTIES OR ELSE I WOULNDT OF STAYED WITH HIM FOR SO LONG. ALL OF MY FRIENDS AND FAMILY SAY THAT IM JUST IN DENIAL OR TO BLINDED BY LOVE TO SEE WHAT IS GOING ON, WELL I DONT THINK SO.
WELL MY PROBLEM STARTED ABOUT NINE MONTHS AGO WHEN HE STATED TALKING TO HIS SO CALLED FRIEND FRANNY, I WOULD ALWAYS SEE HER NUMBER ON THE CELL PHONE THEN I STARTED TO UESTION IT HE SAID IT WAS HIS FRIENDS GIRLFRIEND THEN HE CHANGED HER NAME ON IT SO THAT I WOULDNT NOTICE, BUT I DID, SHE CALLED A COUPLE OF TIMES AND I ANSWERED THE PHONE WE WOULD GET IN TO IT ON THE PHONE BUT IT WOULD BE LIKE NOTHING, THEN I STARTED FINDING CONDOMS, THAT HE SHOULDNT HAVE THEY WERE ALWAYS HIS FRIENDS, THEN I NOTICED THAT WE REALLY DIDNT HAVE CONVERSATIONS LIKE WE USED TO OR KISS LIKE WE USED TO NOTHING LIKE WE USED TO THEN CAME ALL THE FIGHTING ALL THE TIME, WHICH AT THIS TIME I WAS LIVING WITH HIM, YOU SEE MY WORLD REVOLED AROUND HIM IF I WAS MAD AT HIM I WAS MAD AT EVERYBODY.
THEN ONE DAY SHE CALLED THE HOUSE PHONE AND SAID OW COULD I BE SO NAIVE DIDNT I SEE THAT HE WAS WITH HER AND THAT SHE HAD BEEN INTO OUR HOUSE WHICH I KNOW WAS TRUE BECAUSE OF THE MAGAZINE THAT WAS IN THE RESTROOM COSMO AND THAT HE HAD JUST FINISHED HAVING SEX WITH HER I GOTR INTO IT AGAIN WITH HER ON THE PHONE WOKE HIM UP AND TOLD HIM WHAT WAS GOING ON HE SAID THAT SHE WAS LYING NOT TO BELIEVE HER HE TOLD HER STUFF ON THE PHONE BUT NOT THAT MUCH TO MAKE IT SOUND CONVICING TO ME WE GOT INTO A BIG FIGHT AND I GOT MY STUFF TO MOVE OUT WELL HE DIDNT LET ME LEAVE AND I CRIED AND TOLD HIM HOW COULD HE DO THIS TO ME WHEN I WOULD DO ANYTHING FOR HIM, DOESNT HE KNOW HOW MUCH HE HURT ME BLAH BLAH BLA WELL I ENEDED UP STAYING AND MADE HIM CHANGE THE PHONE NUMBER AND WOULD ALWAYS CHECK HIS PHONE WELL IT STILL KEPT ON TILL ONE MORNING WHEN I WAS GETTING READY TO GO TO WORK SHE CALLED AGAIN AND OF COURSE WE GOT INTO IT AGAIN BUT THIS TIME I LEFT TOOK ALL MY STUFF WITH ME WAS HURT REAL HURT THE SAD THING ABOUT THIS IS THAT HE SHOWED O SIGN OF FEEING BAD AT ALL ANYWAYS THAT WAS ON JAN 9 2003, WHEN WE WOULD FIGHT WE WOULD ALWAYS GET BACK TOGETHER THIS TIME IT WAS DIFFERENT WE DIDNT GET BACK TOGETHER AND LESS THAN TWO WEEKS LATER HE WAS DRIVING HER CAR, COMING AROUND WITH HICKIES ON HIS NECK, ALWAYS OVER HER HOUSE TURNING HIS PHONE OFF WE WOULD EVEN GET INTO STILL ON THE PHONE WHERE SHE WOULD BE WITH HIM AND THEY WOULD BE TELLING ME SHIT TOGETHER ON THE PHONE, SHE WAS JUST A REAL BITCH WELL H NEVER LEFT ME ALONE, HE WOULD ALWAYS CALL AND ACTUALLY WE NEVER STOPPED SEEING EACHOTHER CAUSE THE WHOLE TIME HE WAS CHEATING ON HER TO.
WELL WITHIN THESE LAST 3 MONTHS SOMEWHERE ALONG THE LINE SHE GOT PREGNANT BUT SHE LOST IT BUT I FEEL SO BETRAYED, I DONT KNOW IF HE REALLY LOVED HER BECAUSE HE COULDNT BE HIS NORMAL SELF AROUND HER LKE THE WAY HE WAS WITH ME, PLUS HE NEVER LEFT ME ALONE, WELL RECENTLY ABOUT 2-3 WEEKS AGO HE FOUND OUT THAT I WAS GOING TO START SEEING SOMEONE ELSE WELL SINCE THAT DAY WEVE BEEN TRYING TO WORK IT OUT AND I KNOW THAT THERE NOT TOGETHER ANYMORE BUT SHE STILL CALLS HE DOESNT WANT ME TO ANSWER THE PHONE BECAUSE I GUESS SHE TRIED TO HURT HERSELF WHEN THEY BROKE UP AND WASNT HANDLINING THE SITUATION VERY WELL I EVEN HAD HER DAUGHTER CALLING MY CELL TRYING TO TALK SHIT TO ME LITTLE BITCH, WELL HE SAYS THAT THERE IS NO MORE HER
WE TALKED ON THE PHONE FOR 1HR FOR THE FIRST TIME AND SHE TOLD ME A LOT OF STUFF THAT HE DID FOR HER ND HER FAMILY I THINK HE WAS IN LOVE WITH HER HE WOULD TALK ABOUT ME AND MY FAMILY BAD CAUSE SHE KNEW A LOT OF STUFF THAT SHE SHOULDNT HAVE KNOWN, AND I FILLED HER IN ON A COUPLE OF THINGS TO THAT SHE DINDNT KNOW AFTER THAT I SAID THAT I WASNT GOING TO TALK TO HIM ANYMORE BUT LOOK WHERE IM AT STILL IN THE SAME BOAT CAUSE I TOOK HIM BACK
MY PROBLEM IS THAT WHEN WILL I SAY ENOUGH IS ENOUGH AND NOT BE SO BLINDED BY LOVE, OR HOW DO I KNOW IF HES TELLING THE TRUTH BEFORE I GET HURT AGAIN, SOMETIMES I DONT EVEN KNOW IF ITS STILL THERE OR IF IM MAD AT HIM FOR ALL THE SHIT HES DONE TO ME. WHAT DO I DO CAUSE I REALLY DONT WANT TO FIGHT ANYMORE. PLEASE HELP ME
I can completely understand the allure of a charismatic man. You melt when he looks at you. He does really stupid things and then he apologizes so well that you take him back again. You love the way he kisses you or does other things to you.
I have to tell you, someone that would lie to you so much, and keep lying and lying, both to you AND to this other woman, is simply not worth it. It's easy to claim loyalty to him, to stand by him. But the only person you are using is YOU. You stick up for him against family and friends, and you feel like you're doing good - but the only person you are harming through all of this is YOU. If you were not there, he'd find another woman to use. He's already used two of you, and he probably has others out there waiting on the wings. Yes, he cares for you, he cares for her. And he cares for other women. That's his nature. But none of you can ever TRUST him or RELY on him.
If you are hoping to form a family and live a life with someone who cares for you, then you really have to find someone WORTHY of that care. You have a lot of loyalty and trust and love to give. But he is NOT worth that. He is using that great nature of yours for his own goals. And he will keep using you and twisting you and manipulating you until you stand up for yourself.
You deserve better. Your children, that you will someday have, deserve a REAL father who loves them, cherishes them and will provide for them. That is NOT him. Find a man who is truly worthy of your love and of the worship the children will provide.
-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com