I just need to know that there's a better tomorrow
Visitor's Question from a 41-50 year old Female
I'm about ready to give up on life, I have no where to turn to as far as someone to just listen to me. I'll try not to make this too long...but can tell as I write this, it WILL be long....please be patient, I just need to talk to someone before I do something drastic to myself. Here goes..... I'm in love, I am not disabled, but am in love with a wonderful sweet man who is (I'll call him John)..... Here's his story..... he's suffered 2 strokes, he lives on SSD, very limited financially (I've helped him with his meds and just trying to survive) because he's still young and not qualified as a senior yet...in other words he's limited in financial help, he lives in the eastern states where he's very very unhappy and there's no one in his family who cares one way or another about him. He walks to the store in order to bring in food to eat, he can walk, but it's difficult.....me on the other hand....I live on the pacific coast, I found this wonderful man by way of a dating site, his profile caught my eye...he loves animals....that's all she wrote as far as I'm concerned, because I'm an animal lover. I've corresponded with John for 6 months, for 2 months now, we've been talking 2 times a day on the phone. He's proved to me that he's a nice gentleman, he's not wanting me for anything else except companionship. I've been dealt with horrible people in my life and this so called computer dating, but, John is truly in love with me and respects me. Anyhow, we're both trying so very hard to save money. I work 40hrs a week, but earn just enough to stay alive, help my elderly folks (my mom has cancer) and keep myself and my animals going. Both John and I want a life together, we both want to be happy. We figured it will take 2 yrs for this to happen, I'm willing to wait forever if only I can be certain I'll be with him, and finally find genuine love. It's the inbetween stuff that's taking a toll on me, it's knowing that he's at a place where no one cares about him, he's alone and bitter. I can't do a thing to help him, except to try to support him. I try to send money when he needs to go to the Dr's and has to pay for bus fare in getting there, I try to do the little things to improve his life....but even that's becoming difficult. I'm looking for another part time job to supplement my income. I'm not sure if I can handle working 2 jobs, plus personal issues, but I'll try. I know I'm not being used, because John's offered to pay me back for what I've given him, I declined and told him to put it in his "escape fund" as I call it. Whoever is reading my story....I'm not asking for much except moral support. Everytime I think of our situation, I'm constantly thinking of the classic Romeo and Juliet. 2 people who long to be together, but the environment keeps us apart, and there's no guarantees that at the end of our struggles, there will ever be a happly ever after. I know everyones dealt with tough blows and hard times, I know and realize this, but what do you do when you find yourself at the age of 45, never married, but always longed to be loved and respected? What do you do when you've found such love, but he's out of reach? How do you go on when you're longing for a loved one to live a happy life, and you grieve along with him? This may sound cowerdly, but sometimes a more perminent option seems to be the only outlet I have when I hurt inside. I just need moral support from someone, just need to know that there's a better tomorrow.
Thank you for your time, I'm sorry I've written such a lengthy letter, but I needed someone to talk to....
First of all, if you ever feel serious about doing harm to yourself you need to contact someone you trust like a religious figure, your doctor, your parents, or even 911. You may not realize it but there are a lot of people out there who care about your welfare and well being.
You didn't say how "John" is disabled, but if at all possible, he should try very hard to find a job or a part time job. Employers know that they have a responsibility to try to hire handicapped people so the job hunt may not seem as bad as otherwise. On the other hand, perhaps a job would cause him to lose his SSD benefits.
Have you two tried phone calling? That would make both of you feel very good every week or two for a half hour or so. I recommend it if it is at all possible. Meanwhile the Internet will have to do for you.
Well, you said you didn't really want advice but moral support so I will stop trying to think of things to improve your situation.
Here's the moral support. When things are gloomiest, that just when they will start to turnaround and you will see the warm sun ahead. You may be impatient to get to that sunny part of your life but usually we all have to wait a bit before we get there. I've been where you are and can only say that things do get better... maybe not perfect but better. You and John have a common goal of getting together within the next two years. Then you will have your dream come true and have a life companion.
Hope things go well for your mother. Hope things go well for you and John.
Best wishes! George
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com
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