He Joked about Marrying Me
Visitor's Question from a 13-15 year old Female
Recently my boyfriend and i were talking. All of sudden he asked me to "marry him". I looked at him in surprise and disbelief and I could see that he probably felt bad by my reaction. I asked him if he was "playing" with me, and he said "yes", but if he was serious he asked me if I would marry him in the next three years or so. Now, everytime I ask him something, he tells me he doesn't want to tell me in fear that i would go off the 'deep end'. What happened? What should I do? Was he trying to be a jerk or was he for real? Please help!
You know, there are some phrases in life that have great meaning and shouldn't be joked about. What if you said to him, "You know, this just isn't working, I think we should take a break for a while." And then he said "were you playing with me?" and you said "Yup!" How would he feel? He would probably feel hurt that you would play with his mind like that. And he would also feel like he couldn't really trust you going forward when you said something semi-serious, because he wouldn't know if you WERE being serious or if you were playing mind games with him.
So for HIM to say YOU reacted poorly to his "joke" is putting the blame in the wrong spot. People in serious relationships DO think about marriage. And they think about the timing. So to have him just spring that on you like that - what was he expecting? If he wanted to know how you felt about the subject he should have sat down with you and discussed it openly and honestly. To play that trick on you was in poor taste, and now makes you less likely to trust him when he says something like that going forward.
If anything, this should teach him not to JOKE about things which are serious. He wouldn't say, "I went to dinner and movies with your cute sister last night, I hope you don't mind" as a joke, I would hope. You shouldn't deliberately say things to your partner to antagonize them or make them jealous. To joke about marrying is just as bad as joking about breaking up. So hopefully what he has learned from this is that he SHOULD be open and honest with you when you talk, and do so in a way that you know he really MEANS it. It's his joking atttitude that caused the problem, his *not* being honest and saying something he didn't mean. If he was being more honest with you, and told you this was on his mind, then you could have given him your honest feelings on the subject.
-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com