He is a class act
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
I really need some advice and I know that you will give me some good advice. There's this guy at work that I really like and have developed strong feelings for. I have liked him for a few years now. Basically, I got the nerve and confidence to ask him out and let him know that I had feelings for him (about a month ago). All along, my friend knew that I really liked him and would always encourage me to ask him out. So I did. He told me that he just wants to be friends and that my feelings for him are much stronger than his for me. He said that he is attracted to me too and once he is friends with a girl he is not going to take it to the next level. He believes that every guy-girl friendship comes to a point where one or both people feel more than friendship and that you have to decide whether to go to the next level, stay friends or go your separate ways. Well I find out last week that my friend told him the day before I did that she had feelings for him. To make things worse, she is in a committed 7 year relationship. She says that she has no doubts about her boyfriend/relationship and that she wants to be with him. She has only been with this one guy and only has kissed him. She says that there's a curiosity there and that the guy I like fills some voids that her current boyfriend isn't giving her. I would think that you can be in a relationship and be attracted to other people (this is only natural), but you don't tell the person that you have feelings for them, right? But she can't shake these feelings she's developing for the guy I like. So she told our friend and her boyfriend. I guess that our friend told her that he's attracted to her in the sense that she's nice, fun to talk to, cool, etc., but that's it. He doesn't want to hang outside of school with her (even though she still wants to) because of the fact that she has feelings for him (he doesn't want to be that guy). He told her that if they did hang out strong feelings could develop and he doesn't want to go there. Does this seem like he wants to be with her? I am so confused. Basically I don't know if I want to stay friends with someone who would do this to me. She knows how upset I have been this past month about all this and she went ahead and told our friend her feelings. I feel betrayed and so hurt right now. I just feel like a friend wouldn't do this to her friend when she knows how much she liked the guy. What would you do if you were in my situation? I can take any advice or guidance that I can getI feel like the rug has been pulled from under me. He is one of those guys that is well-liked because he is so nice and outgoing to everyone. He said that he is attracted to me and that hanging out outside of school would be hard since there is attraction on both ends. He said that he thought about asking me out last year but decided that he didn't want to mess with that. I straight up told him that there are times where i feel like he does like me but doesn't know what to do with it. For instance, when the three of us all talk together I catch him looking at me and when I make eye contact he looks away. What is that all about? When I talked to him about this last month he got teary-eyed. He basically doesn't want to date around, he wants to find his wife and go for it completely. My friend in question told me she thinks that she needs to kiss our friend to find out what her feelings are about. When I am around him the feelings intensify and when I took some time away from him last month when I first told him, I missed him (like the saying goes, absence makes the heart grow fonder). He even pulled me aside last month and apologized for this whole situation. He is a class act. So much for following my heart. As much as it hurts, I want to concentrate on being friends. Everyone is telling me that you never know what could happen, which is true, but I don't want to continue to set myself up for pain. What do I do here? Thanks in advance...
First off, your "friend" is not a friend.
Second, I think you are wise not to continue to set yourself up for pain. My read on this man is that he attracts women easily and has drawn boundaries in his life that are rather sharp.
My advice is to continue your friendship until it gives you pain (which it probably will.) You will know when it is time to cut the friendship.
Good luck! George
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com