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All love that has not friendship for its base, Is like a mansion built upon the sand. --Ella Wheeler Wilcox

All my friends keep asking me why im not responding to him

Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
Hi George

I don’t know if you remember me but I have e-mailed you a couple of times in the past 6 months and you have been a huge help.

In my mind I was the perfect g/f. I would always cook, clean, and be very affectionate to my ex. We would do everything together and we all had the same friends. After a while he started to go crazy, and would yell, complain, and mentally abuse me all the time. When I decided to break up with him, all of our friends agreed that they were going to remain friends with both of us. Of course that didn’t happen. After the break up, my whole life changed, I had a large amount of credit card debt that I am just now finishing paying off, I was failing out of school, and I was going threw a mental break down from all the stress and abuse he was causing me. So of course I have been very busy getting my life back together. My ex on the other hand is a big loser and does nothing but party, and smoke pot. So I guess he seems more appealing to hang out with because he’s more fun, and he has more free time, so most of my friends have been hanging out with him ALL the time. Lately they have been totally avoiding me. When I ask them about it, they act like they have no idea what im talking about. I recently found out that my ex was talking a lot of s*** about me behind my back. I on the other hand I never do this, because I don’t want to get my friends involved, and there’s no point about talking about who’s fault was what anymore. I feel like this is so unfair, he’s mean to me for 2 years, and then when I decide enough is enough, everyone thinks that im the CRAZY one! My ex recently started sending me very abusive e-mails. All my friends keep asking me why im not responding to them, and I say, “Because he’s being mean to me” and they think im even more crazy! I wish I could just write off everyone in my past and start all over again, but I just cant seem to do it because deep down inside I still really like all of them and desperately still want there friendship. I recently joined the YMCA to try to fill up my time and try to meet new people but I still really miss my old friends. This is so unfair I feel like even after ive broken up, he’s still abusing me, should I just totally ignore and write off everyone and just completely start all over again with new friends, or go a while with no friends if I have to?


RomanceClass.com Advice
My advice is to try to stay with your old friends.

Please explain to them in more detail why you have broken off with your ex. For example when they ask why you don't answer his emails tell them that the emails are abusive and you don't want to encourage him.

Give them a few more details about how abusive he was and unproductive around the house. It shouldn't take much to swing them from his side to yours. Make sure you are being pleasant to them, smile, and don't overdo your complaints about him. Tell them you are in the process of moving on and are a little emotional about it all. Thank them for taking an interest in you.

Hope this helps some! George

-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com

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