Was I wrong to ask her to not spend time with that other guy?
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Male
Hi. me and my gf have been going out for almost a year. becuz of some insecurities in both of us, our relationship has been sort of up and down. she would break up with me one day becuz she feels she isnt good enough for me, then next day come back and appologize and say that she doesnt know what she is thinking. one of her insecurities is about not having too many friends. I have been trying to help her out with that. but she doesnt want advice from me so i stoped. the friends that she has though are almost entirely guys, and that did make me jealouse, but i kept quiet. but last month she told me that she had been spending time talking to and has developed some feelings for one of her (guy)friends from class. even though couple days later she told me that now she only sees him as a friend, but i was still really angry at this. so i told her that i wont feel safe if u too are spending time with each other, so you have to either be "friends" with him or be with me. which i think was the wrong move. she said that she values friendship in high regards and she wont stop spending time with him. since then we have had a lotta arguements and it hasnt been particularly pleasent. so few days ago i asked her that i need some time off to think about what is cuzing these problems and she said that shell wait for me. so i found this site, and it helped me understand that my jealousy can be a big problem. i told her that i realize that my jealousy is harming our relationship and im gonna work on it. but now she wants a break from me, (why? becuz she has met ppl from her class and theyre going out and she says that i take too much time from her) i only see her once a week( maybe) . if she is spending more time with all these other guys than she is spending with me, shoudlnt i be worried? i feel like im always trying to work things out for this relationship, but she has little care about it. she feels like if i dont like it, then i should just leave her. is that how i should be thinking also? why cant she find ANY female friends? was i wrong to ask her to not spend time with that other guy? please help. sorry for being lenghty..
She enjoys having guy friends because it make her feel more confident about herself.
You were not wrong in asking her to spend less time with that other guy. It was taking away from your relationship with her. Of course, she had and took the option of taking a break from you.
At this point my advice is to cut back on your contact with her in hopes that she will realize that she cares about you. Call her once a week for about 15 minutes to see how she is doing, to let her know you still care, and to maintain contact. Don't discuss your relationship unless she does.
This may catch her attention and make her want to come back to you. It will also give you a chance to experience being away from her so you can decide whether you want to split with her or not.
Good luck! George
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com