I like and somehow love my buddy
Visitor's Question from a 41-50 year old Female
thanks for the opportunity to ask for advise!
For the past 15 years, I have a close male friend and we have always been best buddies. I am 43 and he is 39.
About 8 years ago I got married and I have also a very close friendship with my husband. However, for the past 2 years, my husband and I live seperated - he lives with a friend and I stayed in thehouse. We still are friends and every time I ask him why we don't divorce, he says he thinks we are a good team and that there wasn't a reason to get divorced yet.
Well, for a long time I lived without romance, alone. But about 7 months ago, my best buddy after a party started kissing me - and we slept together. And it was one of the craziest things because this was the person who I felt totally comfortable with. I loved it! We figured this was just a one time thing and not too long after that, he started seeing someone. Of course we remained best friends and we still are. But then, he quit seeing his girlfriend and we ended up having great sex a few more times.
I am not sure what to do. I like and somehow love my buddy. But I do not want to hurt my husbands feelings, event though we don't even live together anymore. And francly, I am not even sure my best friend would want a relationship. One thing he said was that best friends and lovers never work out and that he doesn't want to lose me as his friend. He also feels bad because he knows my husband, and he feels awkward about that. But now we have a hard time staying away from each other - especially when we go out or meet with friends, we end up getting together.
Would it be best to stop sleeping with my friend? I am just craving the physical part so much! But I do not want to hurt anyone either. I am a very independant person so jumping from one relationship to another is really not my thing.
This is a complicated situation.
First off, I would not let your husband's feelings affect your decisions very much. Have a talk with him and let him know that you might start dating again. He probably won't have a problem with that...and why should he?
As far as your good buddy, my advice is to just let things go along the way they are. He will probably fall for you at some point and you can decide what you want to do about it. Your relationship with him seems very normal at this point.
Don't try to look too far into the future until things are clearer.
Good luck! George
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com