A guy and a girl can just be friends-- but at some point they will fall for each other
Visitor's Question from a 16-20 year old Female
okay... my fiance has alot af chick friends. and i have known this since the beginning. and at first it didnt bother me because he really seemed into me and all that. when i would go to his house he would be chatting online with a chick or whatever and i would see him type that his girlfriend (this was before we were engaged) or sometimes he would say his fiance had just arrived. and so i didnt really feel threatened. and when we first started dating he didnt have a job... but then he got one and he started making friends at work.. i just cant understand why they all have to be girls. the first ones name was o* and i didnt like her right off because i didnt kno her and he would like tell me how sweet she is and such... which made me jealous. well then one day i went up to his work and i met her and talked to her and she was really nice to me. so i liked her and was fine with them being friends(besides that she was engaged and had a kid) but then he met this other girl named s*. and he talked about her more and more as time went on. and it started to REALLY bug me. so one day i was up there and he saw her and said hi and she said hi back and looked at me with this look that i didnt like and ignored me. i was like ok... and hen as time went on i would go there and see her and her looks got worse. and my fiance could tell that something was on my mind. so i told him about how i was jealous of her(what made it worse was that she would buy him things) and he laughed at me and told me how stupid that was because i should know that he loves me more than anything in the world. and that if he told her that i was jealous that she would just laugh because they were JUST FRIENDS! so i was ok for a lil while. then i found out that they had exchanged phone numbers. and would text each other all the time. that really got to me. but i just kinda tried to ignore it. then i moved in with him and he out a ring on my finger and all that great stuff... but living with him i realized that he has alot of girls that he talks to online. which makes me SOOOOO jealous because he will sit on the computer till like 2 or 3 in the morning talking to these girls about who knows what. and when he can tell that i am being jealous he gets really annoyed and says that i should know that he loves me that the ring on my finger should tell me something. but i cant help about imagining the conversations. i dream about coming home from work and finding s* here and its become like an obsession. i log onto his yahoo messenger sometimes and look at the girls profiles... they are all really pretty which makes me really insecure. and i looked in his phone (which has been turned off for a few months now) but i found that in the call log it would show him talk to s* 2 or 3 times a day. alot of times at like midight to 2 in the morning. and i want to trust him so bad i really wish i wasnt a jealous person and could be ok with him having girls for friends. but i know this quote and i know that the majority of the time it rings true... a guy and a girl can just be friends. but at some point they will fall for each other. it might be at the wrong time, it might be at the right time, it might be temporary, and it might be forever... how can i get over the jealousy... stop the nightmares of finding him in bed with someone else... how can i make myself stop obsessing and just be happy to be with the one person that i love SO much... because i want to trust him and believe when he tells me how special i am to him and how much he loves me and wants to marry me?? please help me.
Since you are planning to marry him, you should figure out this jealousy thing very quickly... because he isn't going to change his ways once you are married.
My sense is that he is spending too much time on other women and making you jealous and upset. Maybe you should ask him to allow you to watch these online conversations or email so you can see what he is saying without him warning them that you are there. That should reveal whether these conversations are on the up and up or not.
Normally I would give you advice on how to rid yourself of jealousy, but in this case I think the jealousy is appropriate and you should attack the source of the jealousy and not try to attack the jealousy itself.
He needs to recognize that he is spending too much time on other women. You need to make him see that without being too demanding.
I wish you luck with this! George
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com