Breaking the Ice

Visitor's Question from a 13-15 year old Male
how do i make friends with a girl that i see walking down the street or in my school going and minding her own businees and doesn't talk to strangers and i go as a stranger she may just ignore and make me look like a fool

how do i read body languages to know when i am to approach her and what to say to make her continue in my conversation witout getting embarrased cos that will scare me off Advice
People talk to strangers every day. Think of all the people who meet in bars, who meet in museums, who meet in school. They all have to make that initial contact. That is called breaking the ice. It's a normal part of life. You talk to strangers all the time when you order food in a restaurant, when you ask people what time it is in a mall, when you ask a conductor when the next train is coming. It's again a normal part of life.

I do have many tips on the site for how to break the ice -

and it all comes down to practice. There is no secret. There are no rules to follow. You can't look at someone and say "Ah she did THIS so obviously it means THAT." When you try to make rules like that you are bound to fail. The whole point is that this interaction is between you - an individual human being- and this girl - an individual human being. The way she reacts is unique to HER. You can't read her reactions from a book or have me invent them for you.

It comes down to you practicing talking to people. Getting comfortable with talking to people. If a girl is in your school, she is not going to look at you as a "dangerous stranger". You are already a "known fellow classmate". She might not know your name, but she knows you are part of her social group already. So if you go up to her and say hi, or smile in the hallway, all of those things you do are part of making yourself a known member of her group. You keep doing that, day after day, and getting closer and closer. There isn't any "dive in and spear the shark" strategy. It is about weeks and weeks, about practice, about getting closer in small doses. That is how you build up a friendship with another person.

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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