I'm Jealous of my Guy
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
I know my boyfriend of 3 1/2 years loves me very much, but I am such a jealous person and can't seem to get past it regardless of his reassurance. I get hit on a lot and get plenty of compliments and looks from men. My emotions are very conflicting. There's a part of me that feels like I am very beautiful, have a lot to offer, and I know my boyfriend is proud to be with me. But then there is this insecurity that reers its ugly head when I think someone prettier is around.
I guess it is an inferiority complex? I know it is immature. I hate feeling this way! It ruins my good time and my boyfriend's! I understand there are a lot of beautiful people in this world. If he glances, no big deal. But if I see him looking at another pretty girl more than once or for more than just a second, I feel the green boiling inside. I'm so sick of feeling jealous and envious over other women. It is very painful. But it also hurts me to see my man checking them out. Please help!
It's good you realize how serious of a problem jealousy can be. I have started building a jealousy-fighting course here -
In essence your jealousy comes down to two things. One, you think that you're not good enough for your boyfriend - that if he's given half a chance, he'll run off with someone else because they're better. Second, you don't trust your boyfriend. You figure he WOULD leave you for someone else and not honor and respect you by staying with you.
Life is about trusting people, about trusting that you two are both actively working on the relationship. That is the core of any relationship. So first, work on feeling good about yourself. Really. Life is short and happiness comes from you caring and being happy with YOU. Nobody else can make you happy. Only you can make yourself happy. So take pride in what you are, do things you enjoy doing, and remind yourself every morning what you have to be thankful for. There are millions of people out there who would love to have what you have right now.
Second, allow yourself to have full trust in your boyfriend. That's what being in a relationship is about - fully trusting each other, being best friends with each other, loving each other. If you really think he's just going to jump ship any time another pretty girl comes along, that's a really bad sign. You have to trust that he WILL be with you, regardless of big or little bumps, regardless of small fights or disturbances. That's what being in a relationship is about. It's not up to him to PROVE this to you either. Love isn't about constant proof. It's about trust.
It's all in your brain, and only you can re-train your brain to handle the world differently. Good luck!
-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com