I tried to talk to my ex, we even arranged to have coffee
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
Now my life has done an about face.... a few days ago I asked this question -I want my ex-boyfriend back...... I've read other responses and my friends are very good at telling me what they think....but none of it really helps. I just want him back.
We had been going out for 16 months, and I entered an extremely stressing part of my life - nothing to do with my boyfriend - and its like he couldn't cope any more than I could so he dumped me. Since then we have slept together several times. We have drifted in and out of friendship. He tells me that he misses me one minute and that he doesn't even want to be my friend the next. He has also told me that if this other girl didn't extist we would still be together. Also one of his friends has told him that once you break up with someone you should never get back together with them because you just enter a cycle of break up get back together etc. I love him dearly and I miss the person that I trust and consider my best friend. How can I get him back without seeming desparate, needy, or nagging?
I recieved a response from George suggesting that friends should keep in contact (You have an advantage.
You and he are still good friends and you can build on that. Call him just once a week and ask him how he is doing. Don't make it a long conversation... 15 or 20 min max. You can tell him you still care for him but don't get into a discussion of your relationship.
He should respond as a friend and give you support. After time, he may begin to feel the loving feelings he did before.
For your sake I hope so!
- I tried to talk to my ex, we even arranged to have coffee. I thought that this was a good step forward. I'd prefer to be friends with my ex than not even if we don't ever recoup our relationship. Then when it came time to go for coffee he pretended like nothing was arranged. He told me that we had nothing to talk about and that he didn't want to be my friend. I asked him how we had nothing to talk about considering so much has happened in our lives recently that neither of us have shared with the other one. He automatically assumed that I had a problem and informed me that I couldn't go to him for help and that he wouldn't be my crutch any more. I thought that this was really arrogant- if I did have a problem who says he'd be the only one I'd talk to - he's sorely mistaken. ALso he dumped my sorry little arse when things got tough before. He told a mutual friend of ours that we are not friends at the moment and that there is no point forcing it. That we are wasting each others time and that he just doesn't feel it (the friendship that is). Our mutal friends keep telling me that he is 'sad' (for want of a better word'. I want to believe that underneath this horridness my man is still there, still has the deep feelings for me that he used to. I'm concerned that he is just trying to save face. How do I get through to him? Sure I love him but I want to be his friend first and foremost. I will always want him back.
Thanks in advance for the pending reply.
Try waiting three weeks and then give him a call.
Talk to him for only 10 or 15 minutes and just ask how he is doing. You can let him know you still care for him but don't get into a discussion of your relationship (no matter how tempting it is).
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com