2 months of barely interacting means we have to get reacquainted but the break was a good thing
Visitor's Question from a 31-40 year old Female
I’ve written a couple of times and I kind of both wanted to give you an update as well as get your opinion…
My ex DID break things off with the new girl and contacted me that same night. He wanted to see me. I didn’t ask what happened or anything. Not my business.
As you know, I wrote him a letter a few weeks back telling him my feelings and that I will “be here” when he is ready, willing and able, but I felt in the meantime he has priorities in his life to tend to so I would not run after him, but I would not run FROM him as he always feared. But above all I stressed that I would give time until my heart was ready to let go, and we should work on that friendship now.
Since they are ‘over’ we can now see each other again. In fact, they ended things 9 days ago and we have seen each other 3 times and spoken via text, phone or email almost daily. Each time we become more and more comfortable with each other again. 2 months of barely interacting means we have to get reacquainted but I think that break was a good thing.
I noticed he placed his profile back up on Match.com after he broke things off with her. I didn’t get too emotional over it because after all we are not back together and he has no commitments to me. We were together 2 nights ago, and it was even better interaction than the last. Lots of laughing, tickling, play fighting, and he’s even started the ‘baby talk’ again with me here and there. And yes, we are physically affectionate to each other but I let him initiate that. That night I chose to bring up a discussion though I didn’t want it to be a pressured one or a major deal.
I asked if in a few weeks I would hear him say to me that we can no longer be around each other again because ‘someone’ would not approve. He said “…and who would that be?” I said: “well, I don’t know…someone you might start seeing?” He said: “well, just so you know, things are definitely over with her so that wont happen.” I said: “well, I noticed you are back on Match, and that is your prerogative but I just need to be careful for my well being and be prepared”. He replied: “….I went on signing up for a month actually to prove to ‘her’ I was done with ‘her’ for one, and likely a bit miffed at the time. Being back on there though I remember all the crazy people that I’d seen before, I don’t really have time with all I have going on to really be ‘out there’ looking anyhow. And honestly too, maybe it’s an ego boost I guess. Not that I need one, but I read the winks and the emails but I’ve never responded.”
I told him: “well, I think the time we are spending together is great, we are getting reacquainted and I am enjoying that. What I hope for is that we continue this, casually, no pressures, no major expectations of each other. Maybe after some time and your exams are over and things for us level out we can discuss how we both feel and see if we want to take things further. Until then we keep it casual.” He said he really liked that idea.
Then he told me about something that happened recently….he said: “you remember the baseball game I went to the other night with my family? Well my sister was there and she asked how life was and how ‘her’ and me were doing. I told her we were done with each other. Then she asked….’well then, what is going on THESE days with you then? You know I always liked J--- (me).’ “ He said as he winked at me. He replied to his sister: “well actually we’ve kind of started dating a bit again, we’re seeing each other these days……..”.
I was very touched by that, but I am remaining cautious. I am touched he shared that with his sister, but especially because he shared it with ME. He still has his profile up on Match. I don’t really expect him to take it down until his membership runs out because honestly since we are not “back together” it’s not fair to have expectations of him. Pressure is the last thing he needs. And frankly? Just as his “rebound” brought him back to me, him seeing what else is ‘out there’ might solidify it more to him that I am what he wants above all.
I am making sure to keep the contact going, I am conscious to show the verbal interest and compliments I feel for him and I know he appreciates without coming across presumptuous. He is reciprocating the same. His exams are over in mid November and until then he is stressed enough. I am carrying on with my intentions to ‘be there’, let him know my feelings, not pressure him, and above all taking care of myself and keeping my emotions in check. I know there are still no guarantees after all.
What advice can you give me now that things have seemed to ‘progress’ a bit?
Thanks so much for your ongoing support and suggestions……
You are handling this marvelously!
Let's hope that things continue to go smoothly while he is under pressure from his studies.
I can't think of any more advice since you have done your usual excellent job of analysis.
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com