He is the kind of guy who isnít likely to give second chances
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
My ex and I were together for almost 2 years since freshman year of college. He was my first boyfriend ever, and so it was a new experience for me. We were amazing together, we liked almost all the same things, we were as much best friends as "lovers." we never got tired of hanging out together, and his friends were mine and mine his. I got to know his family very well, and became very good friends with his mother. Everyone called us the "perfect couple", but we fought occasionally as well. We both have a streak of stubbornness in us that made any little arguments turn into full blown fights before we could fix it. That changed as our relationship grew, but the memory still remained with me, I don't think I was able to completely forgive him or myself, or forget the fights.
He went abroad to Japan for a year. it was about a month into it that I made the decision to break up with him. I was partly frustrated that he left for so long (of course I understood why), and partly I was feeling like I didn't love him anymore, or something had changed. It may have been that we were speaking lightly of marriage and other things when he got back, but whatever it was, I needed time to figure out who I was and what I wanted. But I basically left the man I loved for two years alone and vulnerable in a foreign country. Sometimes I wish I had only asked for a break or tried to talk things out. I broke up with him the best way possible, telling him that I would always love him as a friend, and that he would find someone better who would love him more than I could.
Itís been almost a year since we broke up, and during that time we never talked. When he came back to school, it was very awkward to see him for the first time, but we talked a little and decided we could still be friends. Then he asked me over to his room one night, actually 2am, to watch a movie. We watched it and talked and laughed until about 7 in the morning. The whole time he was making casual physical contact, like touching my arm to see if I was cold or laughing at something on the movie and then falling over and patting my leg, things that you expect from someone who is interested in you. but I was still undecided about how I felt so I only responded lukewarm, not encouraging him to go further, and then I went home because I didn't want to start anything that I would regret later, or that would turn into a one night stand, because our relationship wasn't based on that.
The next day he acted about the same as that night, except a little more reserved, and then it all changed. He pulled way back, and became more formal, less like friends, more like he needed to respond if I asked him a question, only saying hi if I said hi first, very unusual for him because he is a very happy and outgoing person. Unfortunately, seeing him again set of a chain reaction, and it took me about two weeks to figure out I never really did stop loving him, but that I needed time to grow and mature before I could ever truly love him. He is the kind of guy who isnít likely to give second chances, his mother divorced three times, so his motto is generally, ďonce itís over, itís over.Ē But then his actions spoke differently. I havenít asked him about his mood swings because Iím afraid of alienating him further, or losing him as a friend entirely. But I know I still love him, and itís hard to think about anything else because of the mixed signals.
I want to know the best way to approach him, hopefully with the least chance of hurting either of us, but I feel like we still belong together. Iíve had plenty of opportunity to ďdateĒ around, but I just havenít had any interest, no one else interests me like he does, and its hard because itís very possible that we wonít be that way again. How often does the getting back together work out? Is there always going to be that anger/resentment that sticks around?
So long as you keep this a secret from him, your relationship will become based on false grounds and you may lose his friendship because of that.
Best option is to tell him what happened and how the separation proved to you that your love for him was real.
Be delicate in how you present this, however, if you flat out tell him you love him he may react poorly. Maybe say you are starting to develop feelings for him again.
If it works out for you, you may find that getting back together makes your relationship stronger.
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com
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