My Jealousy is Driving Us Apart

Visitor's Question from a 13-15 year old Male
i have been dating my girlfriend for a little over 8 months. i know that she loves me, and i love her more than anything in the world. my problem is i am insecure. she has had a lot of ex-boyfriends and i sometimes feel jealous of them and that i don't measure up to them. i feel like i need to be in a constant competition with them, and that she may not love me as much as she did them. not only that, but she has done more for them sexually than she has for me, and she has been going out with me for longer than them. we have had a few arguments about it in the past, and i always feel this way.

Please Help Me!!! i think i may be driving her away with these stupid feelings. I love her more than anything and i don't want something like this to come between us. I never used to think like this and i don't know why i do now. what can i do to stop my relationship from falling apart over this?? Advice
It's great that you realize your jealousy can really destroy your relationship. It can. There are many, many relationships that are perfectly wonderful that disintegrate because of one person's jealousy.

Yes, she's had boyfriends before you. Most of us have :) She LEFT THEM. She is NOT WITH THEM. She is with you, she chooses to be with you. It does not matter at ALL what she did with them or how long she was with them. That is in the past.

Think about music you liked when you were 6 years old. Let's say it was Mr Rogers Neighborhood themesongs. You now like different music. Should it matter that you used to like Mr Rogers? That was a stage of your life. It helped you learn and grow so you now appreciate the music you DO like. It's not "bad" or "good" or anything else that you used to like different music. It was a normal part of growing up. But now you actively choose to listen to what you listen to, that is what you love. And that is what you should be recognized for.

Any time you feel yourself getting jealous, make a conscious effort to focus on it. Tell yourself, SHE LOVES ME. I AM WHO SHE LOVES. That's it, period. Nothing else matters. What she had in her past helped make her this wonderful person that you care for now. You wouldn't want her to be different, would you? Well her past is what has made her what she is. SO love *all* of her and accept that she loves all of you as well.

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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