am i being kept around and saved for a relationship in the future?
Visitor's Question from a 16-20 year old Male
so me and my friend(shes a girl im a guy) weve been like best friends for about a year now, i took her to my senior prom(im 18 shes 17) we hang out all the time, shes a big big flirt but when were together with our friends she always flirts with me, and when theres other guys there she only chooses to flirt with me... she just got out of a year and half relationship and now shes going through guys like there nothing im talking like she hooks up with guys and just doesnt call them and its like she wants nothin to do with relationships shes still hung up on her ex boyfriend, now i made the mistake of telling her i love her(i do, shes my best friend and i would marry the girl) so the balls in her court, i finally kissed her a few weeks ago and we were gonna go out on a date but she got cold feet and said she wasnt ready for a seroius boyfriend and if she was to have a relationship with me it would defintely be serious, now shes told me to my face that im husband material, i just dont get why im being kept around im like addicted to this girl i cant get her out of my head, shes my best friend and it kills me to hang out with her and be just friends, i cant figure out what she wants from me we hang out and flirt all the time, shes really not over her ex boyfriend she stills wears the jewelry with his name on it and has pictures of him all over, i dunno if she thinks by going out and hooking up with all these guys that shell get over him and then move onto me i just dont know, all i know is that it kills me inside, she has all her friends telling her how im a great guy and she should go out with me, am i being kept around and saved for a relationship in the future? i just dont know anymore i mean if she goes away to college(im staying home) then whats the point of keeping me around? but if she stays home then i understand... i just cant figure her out, she loves to tease me, ive been flashed, shes pulled her pants down and shown me these really cool thong she had on, ive kinda told her i wanna perform oral sex on her i hope eventually something will happen... ive gotten her to like try to keep me all to herself, ive mentioned a few times about me talking to girls and doing things with other girls and she said she wants to beat them up and that if i was to do somethign with this one girl shed never speak to me again(she doesnt like this girl)... a few weeks ago me, her and her friend slept at her friends house... her friend put a good word in for me and said that she should go out with me, she said that shes afraid to hurt me and lose me, but her friend told her shes hurting me more by not giving me a chance then by trying it out.. so we watched a movie and cuddled the whole night, i kissed her and was slept in the same bed together(no sex just kissing)... i said it only took me around a year to kiss you, and her response was that shes too afraid to hurt me, now i cant figure out if she doesnt want a boyfriend, if shes still hung up on her old boyfriend, or if she just doesnt like me as a boyfriend just as a "friend with benefits" i just dont get it
RomanceClass.com Advice
I don't understand her either.
Something is really troubling her and maybe it is her ex. You should try to find out definitely how she feels about her ex. If she still loves him, then you chances are low for a relationship.
If she's not hung up on him, then ask her how she feels about you and dating. The worst thing she can say is that she just wants friends with benefits. You may have to settle for that until she gets over what is troubling her.
You are in a tought situation and I empathize with you.
Good luck!
George -- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com
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