His ex wife went behind his back and it took him 5 years to get over itVisitor's Question from a 41-50 year old Female
I'm the lady who is trying to get back with her ex. I told you how we met online and seemed to get on amazingly. We seemed to be moving fast but it seemed what we both wanted. I told you that he seemed to have a sudden change of heart and ended our relationship by text. He wouldn't ring or make contact in anyway. I was the one who had to keep contacting him to talk. Eventually we did for 3 hrs. He said all the things he had said he meant at the time. He was very negative as i told you previously. I managed to get him to allow me to viist him .He lives 5 hrs away. I went and it was a very cold cuddle hello, We talked in the car but again everything I said or asked was answered negatively. I asked what happened in 2 days to change from "loving me so completly" to not wanting "us". I asked him if it was because I didn't go back to his as arranged with him on one of his visits to me. He said yes and actually new I would let him down. He said he had arranged time off work e.tc which I knew nothing about. I said you should have told me but he answered I should have asked. I said I didn't realise and thought it would make no difference when i went. I had some appointments and thought I would go to see him at the end of the week. He told me had bad vibes about me after that and he started thinking about things. He said too many coincidences had happened such as my home phone never rang when he was there. Friends new he was visiting so didn't want to bother me when he was there. Other things like my mobile vibrated in my bag alot. I didn't like going to the shops with ihm near my house. He asked if I had a secret life he didn't know about. I am going over stuff I told you before George as want you to get a clear picture and I can't expect you to remember my past emails. We talked and basically seemed like we were together for the next 2 days. In fact everything was better than ever until the 3rd day. He was very on edge and I asked him what was wrong. He asked me when I was going home. I said I could go that day. he said that was good as he had work the next day and would be easier for him to take me to the airport that day. I was devastated as he said things were the same he still felt the same and didn't want to be in a relationship. He went on about when his ex was living with ihm and her children it was a nightmare gettinginto the toilet. He said he couldn't imagine me being there when he got home. I ironed his fire uniform as he was busy tidying and he told me he could have ironed it quicker. This was all in the morning I was going back. He told me I seemed desperate but I said it was only because I couldn't understand the change and couldn't let it end by text. He said he thought he wanted everything with me but then changed. When I first started talking to him he told me he never thought he would meet anyone again. During the time together he went out of his way to introduce me to his family and friends. They all seemed to like me. They told him it was time he met someone. I'm typing this letter and remembering things so adding them so I hope it makes sense.
He held my hand all the way to the airport and left me crying saying goodbye. He sent me a text when i got back saying thanks for a great time and wished me all the best. I texted him back saying that sounded so final but wished him all the best and thanked him for letting me see him. I also said id he ever wanted aything again without pressure to let me know. He rang me the next evening to wish me a happy birthday. He said he would get me a present and I told him not to worry it was just nice he rang. I didn't want to talk long as could feel myself getting upset. I also didn't want to pressure him into talking so I said thanks for calling and I would let him go and get his tea. Eleven days went past and I heard nothing not even as a friend. I emailed him yesterday to say I was upset he had been on MSN and changed to busy .I felt he did that so I wouldn't try to chat to him. I said I felt he must have met someone else and if that was true I wished him all the best. I f not I would like to be friends. He emailed me straight back saying sorry here is what you need/want to knw Liz. He said he chatted to his family online and if he wanted he could not show he was online. He swore on his mothers life he wasn't seeing anyone and I would believe him because he is very close to her. H ethen went on to say he had presents for me but due to his dad suddenly dying he hadn't been thinknig straight e.t.c He said friends would be good. He would email pics he took of me e.t.c I emailed back saying how sorry I was e.t.c even though I no he doesn't like his dad. I said I would always be there for him. I said I would send his family a card. H emailed back saying sorry liz no cards esp musical ones. He said he had made a spelling mistake and his dad had gone deaf. I emailed back saying bad spelling mistake but glad a mistake and glad we are friends. I asked him how his dad going deaf messed his plans or made him not think straight. He sadi I had forgotton his evil s of h and his dad was ok as deaf as always. He joked somemore. then asked him if he was going to email pics or send presents this century or if that is untrue. I said please email pics as important. He didn't email back but I was on MSN in the evening and hetried to send me a file I couldn't recieve. H ethen went off like that. I checkked again ot see if he was on and he had been trying to talk to me but waited a while and as I wasn't on went off. God George I hope this makes sense. I am at least on friendship terms but don't know what to do now. I don't pressure him in emails or anything and just act friendly. I am confused about how he really feels. I know while we were togther he asked if he could trust me and how he was svared of getting hurt. He told me that day I left his that it wasn't me(the usual line( but him and maybe he had infidelity issues in his head. Stuff to sort out. His ex wife went behind his back and it took him 5 years to get over it. That was 7 years ago. Since then he was with someone he never loved and got out of the relationship 8 months ago. We seemed to have so much in common more than anyone I have ever met. He seemed so into me and I felt and still feel the same. He had talked about moving up to be with me. Our realtionship lasted 2 months but I felt I did and said more than with people I had been with muh longer.That is what is so sad! What do you think I can or should do?
There is obviously some attraction between you two.
Definitely remain friends with him and try to be his best friend. Eventually this may bring him back again. He seems to have trouble with trusting and makes it very difficult for you to meet his expectations. But, keep assuring him (in subtle ways) that you are a trustworthy person.
If I were you, I would also worry about what seems to be a paranoid streak in him especially about your cell phone not ringing.
At least an avenue is open to you now to be his good friend and positive things can proceed from that.
Best of wishes!
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com
Speak Your Mind - Share your Thoughts on this Question!
All Advice in the category - I Want my Ex Back
Browse our Answer Database- Browse Answers by Question Category
- Browse Answers by Age Group
- Browse Answers by Date of Response
Please read through the advice on this site before you Submit your Own Question! We have thousands of pages of valuable advice that can immediately help you with your situation.