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We would argue (about stupid things) every 3 weeks near the end.



Visitor's Question from a 31-40 year old Female
Ive been in love, been married before. This last relationship however was the more intense, passionate, loving and wonderful experience. This man amazed me. He fell for me even before i was ready to fall for him. He said he knew I was "the one". He was afraid to be vulnerable, had not loved in 6 years, never thought he'd find me he said. We dated 5+ months. It was hard at times. He had a hard time letting down his walls, was afraid to lose me, pushed me at times and in his own words "sabotaged".

He had alot of stress add up in his life between work and a class he was taking. He wanted to spend all time with me and didnt study like he should, even put off his friends. We would argue (about stupid things) every 3 weeks near the end.

He broke up stating that he loved me so much, still saw me in his future but couldnt handle the stress of the arguements with all he had going on. I contacted another man - didnt want to, but i did. He immediately got clingy. We agreed to stop dating, see others, and work on a friendship foundation (something we never had) and see what happens.

We went on a trip. We had an arguement following a car wreck. After that he pulled away. I sensed maybe he decided to see someone else. I sent him a letter over a week ago telling him i love him, want him, but understand we have things to work through. I told him i know it's likely he's seeing someone else by now and if so i wish him happiness.

His reply:
I've been trying to think of a way to respond to your letter but haven't really been able to come up with anything. At this point, I'm confused I guess. On the one hand I still do have feelings for you (can't really turn things like that off) but on the other hand we argue so much and communicate so differently. I will say that, yes, I am seeing someone else and the biggest difference is that she and I don't argue. This isn't to say that arguing isn't a bad thing but rather that the amount of time spent arguing is what's important. While you and I have fun together, we simply argue too much and that stress level for me is something that I can't have. You know, between my class and work, my time (as is yours) is extremely valuable and I just can't have it spent that way.
I did enjoy seeing you the other day, you look great and cute in your summer outfit :) Again, thank you for the letter and sharing your feelings - I realize that you put yourself out there and how hard that must have been...I respect that. I am open to developing a friendship - I think that's what you and I missed - and who knows, anything can happen.

I replied telling him i am uncomforable initiating contact with him now that he's with someone - i wouldnt want to interfere. He said i wouldnt, she knows about me. But, i reiterated he needed to initiate contact too if we are to be freinds. He said he'd speak with her further and contact me.

I have decided to not contact him any further. It's been a week. My birthday is in 9 days......i am so curious if i'll get acknowledgement.

THis is so painful. I dont know what to do other than step aside, not contact him, hope he misses me, hope he thinks of me....

Sorry for the 8-page novel, but can you offer further advice?




RomanceClass.com Advice
You have determined to stand aside.

So my advice will focus on what happens if he comes back. He has made it absolutely crystal clear what the problem is... too much arguing.

My standard advice is that you should simply stop arguing. That whatever he says is the truth. Tell him you are going to do this for a while until you get better control of yourself. Agree with him in a loving and gentle way.
This might work.

In any case, you might consider contacting a professional counselor who could help you contain you argumentative nature.

I don't mean to put this all on you, it takes two to tango. But you are the only one asking for advice.

Good luck!
George

-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com





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