He assured me I wasn't rebound and everything would be fine (which I didn't believe then anyway)
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
I work at a bar and it's hard to find someone who trusts me working there. A few months ago I started to get pretty close with a co-worker (he doesn't work the same nights as me) and he wanted me to be his girl friend. Although I did love spending time with him, I did not want to start a relationship with someone who a. I worked with, and b. just got out of a four-year relationship. I told him I did not want to be rebound, or to get hurt so I wanted to take it slow. He assured me I wasn't re-bound and everything would be fine (which I didn't believe then anyway). Well the taking it slow part did not really happen, we would spend a lot of time together, and I could tell he really liked and cared about me. He respected I did not want to have sex, and he was there for me when I needed him. Basically at first he was way more into me. I just was playing it cool for the most part. We ended up having sex, although now I wish I didn't. Well about a month ago, his best friends dad died. (his own dad died when he was younger) things started to get pretty weird. He wasn't calling anymore and when he did it was right before he would go into work, or times when he couldn't talk. We barley saw each other and didn't spend much time together at all. I would ask him what was wrong, and all he would say is, " I want to do what I want when I want to". So I started getting more into and attached to him, and I started to get really upset when he wouldn't call or want to see me. He was with his friend pretty much every day when he wasn't at work or doing something else. Which I understood, but he started being really distant and almost mean to me. My mom told me not to call and play "hard to get" but Iím terrible at that and of course I didn't do it. Just recently we had a conversation and he told me the reason he was acting weird was because I had invited him to meet my parents and that made him uncomfortable. Which I told him fine thatís ok, I won't force that on him. He also said, we had a really good thing going and he would have a lot of fun on dates and things like that. So we should just go with the flow. Well this past weekend he had a run in with the ex while he was pretty drunk, and apparently he was pretty upset and was having "second thoughts". Which made me feel terrible. Basically now he's telling me he doesn't know if he wants to have feelings for me, and he's too lazy to figure them out right now. I think I might be in love with this guy and I don't know what to do. My mom tells me I should pretty much give up, but with having strong feelings I don't want to, not yet. What should I do?
My advice is to have more deep meaningful conversations with him.
That is the best way to find out how he feels and thinks about you and other important aspects of his life.
Put him on the spot and ask him if he cares for you or not. He will probably say that he does care for you but .... [whatever]
You need to get into the "whatever" and decide for yourself how you feel about him after having honest talks with him. It is better to make decisions based on the best information you can get.
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com