I'm worried because all logic says that I should back out before I have a stalker on my hands
Visitor's Question from a 16-20 year old Female
I am seventeen and in a relationship with a twenty-two year old; we have been dating for a few days short of two months, but tonight he said that he loved me. Don't get me wrong, I like this guy quite a lot, and have for months, but it still seems a little fast. In fact, I was still under the impression that we were open-dating and not very official yet; I was going to discuss it with him, but I wanted to hold that conversation off until we'd been seeing each other at least two months because I didn't want to seem like I was rushing into a relationship too quickly - but now, before I even have the chance to bring it up, he springs this on me.
I answered that I love him, too (more of a reflex than actually thinking, and after I did, I panicked and asked him if we weren't moving a little fast), but I don't know if I do - what is love, anyway, to know? - and I don't know if he does, either, or if it's simply an infatuation. He is not very experienced at all, and he might just be acting on that lack of experience, or, my worst fear, that he said it just to get me into bed (illegal or not). I tried to get him to talk about it, but he did not volunteer an explanation (he did not refuse, but he's very shy and probably didn't know what to say); in fact, he seemed to kind of regret that he'd said it in the first place and apologized for putting me in a awkward situation.
I'm worried because all logic would dictate that I should back out now before I have a stalker on my hands, but I like him too much to do that. But I feel that if I'm this freaked out by him saying I love you, maybe it won't work out in the long run. I'm touched, but more than a little turned off by the rush of it. But the caveat is that up until now, I've been having an excellent time with this guy, and I still am, but there's those three little words hanging between us like a black curtain. HELP!
You implied that you wanted to bring the subject up after at least two months. And he brought it up a few days short of two months.
Seems you are fairly close in the amount of time that should pass before saying "I love you." He just got there first. So I don't see that there is a question of rushing it.
You could give him the benefit of the doubt about his motivation. It is probably simply that he loves you.
So the best advice is to follow your heart. If you really don't love him it would be kind of you to tell him your feelings aren't quite that strong yet.
-- from George
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